Dr. Mort Orman | Better Understanding Your Anger, 6 Words that Can Change Your Life, & Living with a Winner's Attitude

“Stay in the game. You’ll eventually figure it out. Don’t quit.”  ~ Dr. Mort Orman

Episode Overview: In this episode of The Remarkable People Podcast, host David interviews Dr. Mort Orman, an expert on anger, anxiety, and stress, who has written over 23 books on the topic. Dr. Orman shares his personal journey with anger and introduces listeners to his method for understanding and managing anger using six key words. He explains that the brain’s filtering mechanisms often distort reality, creating unnecessary anger. Dr. Orman discusses the three main filters that cause anger: perceiving something as bad or wrong, seeing a negative impact, and unilaterally blaming someone. By challenging these filters and seeking the truth, individuals can learn to dissipate their anger. The conversation also addresses complex scenarios such as marital conflicts and random acts of violence, emphasizing the importance of seeing broader contexts and underlying causes. Dr. Orman provides resources for further learning, including his website and upcoming books on road rage.

SHOW NOTES & LINKS: 

• Guest Website: https://DocOrman.com
• The 6 words that can change your life: bad, wrong, negative impact, unilateral blame.
• The 3 filters every human sees anger through: Someone did something bad and wrong, You were negatively impacted by that action, they are unilaterally and 100% responsible.

REMARKABLE LISTENER SPECIAL OFFER(S):

• REMARKABLE OFFER 1: Save 30% to 80% on EVERYTHING you order at MyPillow.com with Free Promo Code, “REMARKABLE“. Yes, that’s right! Use the best My Pillow promo code out there to save a ton of money on all 250+ quality, comfortable, cozy home goods at MyPillow.com/Remarkable, or by calling 1-800-644-6612 From sheets, to blankets, to pillows, to mattress toppers, be ready to sleep better and live more comfortably than you ever have before!
• REMARKABLE OFFER 2: Download Dr. Orman's free PDF “The Best Anger Elimination Method You Can Find” https://TheAngerSolution.org

Transcript

Dr. Mort Orman | Better Understanding Your Anger, 6 Words that Can Change Your Life, & Living with a Winner’s Attitude

David Pasqualone: Hello friends. Welcome to this week's episode of The Remarkable People Podcast. Today we're gonna talk about anger, anxiety, and stress, and how to process. How to hopefully get to the point while, while we're experience the trigger emotion, we will be able to calm ourselves down and really reframe what's happening.

He's gonna teach us six key words that we can use to really start the paradigm shift and to become calmer. Less angry. We talk about how the Bible says be angry and sin not. You know, anger is a healthy emotion when used the right way, but when we carry it with us, it can kill us. So right now we're gonna meet with a man who's wrote 23 plus books on the topic.

He speaks to everybody from Fortune 100 organizations to the FBI about anxiety and stress. [00:01:00] He has his own practice helping people deal with it. His background, he's an MD in internal medicine, but now he devotes his time to a healthy mindset in dealing with anger. So at this time, get ready for a remarkable episode with our friend Dr.

Moore Orman.

Epic Voice Guy 2: Warning, the interview you're about to experience has already positively changed people's lives. If applied appropriately, it can change yours too. The views expressed are those of the guest and host. The content of this podcast is not meant to be legal, financial, or medical advice. Warning, this episode may contain graphic details of the guest's life.

Listener discretion is advised.

David Pasqualone: Hey Dr. Mort, how are you today? 

Dr. Mort Orman: I am fine David. Thank you for having me on your show. 

David Pasqualone: Oh, it's a pleasure. I just told our community around the world a little bit about you and what to expect in this episode, but straight outta your mouth, if people commit to spending an half an hour, hour, hour and a half, [00:02:00] whatever it is today with us, what do you guarantee them that they can walk away from your life and learn to apply to their and have a better existence?

Dr. Mort Orman: Well, they'll definitely get a whole new, uh, way of thinking about anger. As a very common emotion we all experience. And they will actually get, uh, they'll walk away with x-ray vision into what's causing anger to occur in their brain. Things we can't normally see. But when you know what they are, then you are able to understand what your brain is doing.

And it's literally like having x-ray vision, like superman, like x-ray vision. So I'll give 'em a very simple model for understanding how their brain creates anger and that's something they'll be able to use for the rest of their lives. I've, I've been using it for the last 40 years. Every time I get angry or I work with people who have anger and it, it, it works every time.

It's a great simple system for understanding, uh, how your brain creates anger. 

David Pasqualone: Awesome. [00:03:00] I'm personally super excited 'cause this is an area I struggle with, you know, those core emotions. Mm-hmm. And my default emotion is either. Like sadness or rage. So it'll be cool to be able to maybe unlock part of me and our listeners around the world can do the same.

So ladies and gentlemen will be right back with Dr. Mort after this very short 30, 60 second affiliate commercial. And then we're gonna understand ourselves better, anger better, and how to use it to turn it on and off, I assume, right, Dr. Mort, as we need ab 

Dr. Mort Orman: absolute, absolutely. 

David Pasqualone: And be better people. So that's it. We'll be right back in 30 to 60 seconds.   

Mike Lindell: I hear every day about the products you all wish my pillow carried. Well, guess what we probably do. Slippers, bathrobes, pet beds, blankets, mattresses, sleepwear, loungewear, duvets, comforters, pot holders, aprons, oven, mats, and so much more, and they're all on sale. For example, get our bestselling [00:04:00] standard. My pillows for only 1498 body pillows, 29 98.

Six piece bath towels or kitchen towel sets, just 29 98. Multi-use MyPillow, two point ohs with pillowcase. 9 98, save $40 on our spring per Kalin. Giza Dream Bedsheet sets any size, any color, and so much more. So go to mypillow.com or call the number on your screen. Use your promo code to save up to 80% on all MyPillow products.

And I've never done this before. When you spend a hundred dollars or more, you're gonna get two standard. My pillows absolutely free.  

David Pasqualone: Alright, welcome back ladies and gentlemen. So, Dr. Mort, I'm pumped. Our listeners are pumped. [00:05:00] You have an expertise on the brain and anger and understanding it, but let's talk about first, how did you get to this point? Tell us a little bit about your life.

Where were you born? What was your upbringing life? What were the things that made you the man you are today? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Um, I was born in Baltimore, Maryland, uh, back in the, uh, 1948 actually. So I'm 77 years old now. Uh, so I was raised in Baltimore most of my life. Um, a very nice family, very nice neighborhood. Uh, didn't have a lot of anger in our family or a lot of stress in our family, but when I became, uh, a teenager and, uh, went to college.

Um, I started getting, um, angry at myself. I started getting angry at other people and when then I went to medical school and, um, I would, I get angry at myself a lot when I, uh, wouldn't live up to this high standards that I set for myself. And, uh, uh, so I had a lot of anger as a young man in my twenties and thirties.

And when I opened my practice, um, I would get angry at my patients from time to [00:06:00] time. Um, I was successful professionally, but in my personal life I didn't feel very successful because I couldn't control my emotions. I had a lot of anger problems, anxiety problems, relationship failures, one after another.

So, um, I was doing fine professionally, but if, you know, you know, and usually you don't show that to other people, but inside I knew that I was struggling with, uh, a lot of, uh, emotional difficulties that I just couldn't figure out how to solve. You know? It was very frustrating 'cause I usually was good at solving any problem that was bothering me.

And, and, uh, I. Of course, when you become a doctor, you help other people solve their problems that are pretty significant. So I was a problem solver, but I couldn't solve these problems. That was very frustrating and demoralizing to be in that situation. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah, and that is frustrating because a lot of people who are wired like you are to solve problems by nature.

And then whether they're an engineer, whether they're a physician, or whether they're even a janitor, if your mind's wired to solve problems, you can't, you can get stuck in a loop of just [00:07:00] exhaustion where you're just rr just trying to solve it, even in your sleep and you can't. So is that what you found?

I 

Dr. Mort Orman: tried, I tried all the standard anger management stuff and stress management stuff and, you know, all the things that I knew about through my medical training or had heard about or read about, uh, and, and none of them really hit the spot, you know, none of them really, uh, I mean, they might help a little bit here and there, but every day I'd wake up, I'd be the same angry guy.

It never stopped me from being angry. You know, um, which is kind of funny because I was born on, uh, Groundhog's Day on February 7th, bill Mar. That was literally, that was literally my experience of living life was every day I'd wake up and it would be another day where I would get angry over little things.

And, and no matter what I did, I just couldn't stop it, you know? And, and actually if you'd have walked up to me back then in my, you know, like mid twenties, uh, I mean in my twenties or or early thirties. And if you said to me, do you ever see a day where you might not be an angry guy? I. And I would've told you No, I don't think, I think that's not in the cards for me.

I just [00:08:00] think it's part of my personality, part of my DNA, I don't know what it is, but I've tried everything. Nothing worked and you know, as far as I'm concerned, it's gonna always be this way. I just have to put up with it as best I can, deal with it as best I can. And that's what I truly believed at that time.

And I was really shocked that, uh, you know, a year or two later, I had completely gone to the other side and had very little anger in my life. And I've had very little anger in the last 40 years because I, I finally figured out what the help was going on that I didn't understand, uh, in those earlier years.

David Pasqualone: Beautiful. And you said your family, you came from, 'cause a lot of times we have learned behavior. And you come from an angry home, that's just, you know, our model. You said your home did not have that kind of default anger, or was it just more passive aggressive or 

Dr. Mort Orman: No, no, my, no, my parents were not, uh, angry people in general, and they sort of had a rule that if, uh, they ever got angry at each other, they wouldn't show it in front of the kids.

Me and my sister, me and my sister. Um, so they would work it out on their own and, and so I never was around a lot of [00:09:00] anger, but I developed it, you know, kind of like based on my own frustrations with myself and, and, and, you know, some things that I was trying to achieve and I, I would fall short and then I'd get angry at myself.

So I had kind of self-imposed anger, wasn't really coming from other people that I, that was modeling. 

David Pasqualone: Okay. So you got the first 30 years of your life roughly? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yes. 

David Pasqualone: Before we get to the point where you cracked the code and figured out what's going on. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yep. 

David Pasqualone: Is there anything else in your. Life that we need to talk about, that'll set the stage for the solution.

Uh, did you get married? Did you have a bunch of failed relationships? Did you have, you know, conflict within your practice more outside the ordinary than, than, yeah. I mean, 

Dr. Mort Orman: I had all that as mentioned, I had one failed relationship after another. A a lot of that had to do with not knowing how to deal with anger.

So the anger would come up frequently in the relationships and eventually cause them to end. Um, one thing, one thing that really is significant [00:10:00] is growing up in Baltimore like I did as a kid. Um, my father and I were big, uh, sports fans. Growing, me growing up as a little boy, and particularly my father had season tickets for the Baltimore Cults, which was our professional football team, and my childhood hero growing up was Johnny Unitas, who was the quarterback of the cults.

And, uh, I, I realized later on in life, I realized how watching him play football and the attitude that he had, he was, he was like Tom Brady before Tom Brady emerged on the scene. He had this incredible winning attitude. And you know, you just knew that no matter what the score was, no matter how far behind the team was, you know, Johnny Unitas was gonna find a way to win.

So he just had this winner's attitude that seeped into me. And I'm sure you know, it affected lots of other of his fans and other kids in Baltimore who got to see him play regularly. But I know for me, it made a huge difference in my life because I had this, this positive [00:11:00] winning attitude that no matter what obstacles I faced, eventually I was gonna figure out, you know, how to win.

Uh, and, and that. That's kind of what led me to have the breakthrough that I had around anger, because many people would've given up after doing, trying all the things that I tried and, and failing, you know, but I just had this sort of Johnny Unitas attitude that, you know, I'll even stay in the game.

You'll eventually figure it out. Um, and, and, and that kept me going, uh, and actually got me to go into personal development work, which is where I eventually, you know, learned what I needed to learn to figure out what was going on. So, uh, I, I really attribute a lot of my success, including becoming a physician and being successful as a physician and everything else in my life, um, to that exposure I had as a kid to this one guy who was just exuded winning attitude.

Um, and, and he just couldn't help but be influenced by it. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And then let's talk about that then, because in my mind. I am not [00:12:00] an expert, but I'm a human. Right. We all have the same emotions, just different ways we process it. You have a healthy anger that comes up when you need it. Mm-hmm. You know, even the Bible says, be angry and sin not.

There's nothing wrong with being angry. Yeah. It's just doing the wrong thing with it. Then there's the people who have learned behavior, where they saw their parents always angry, so they thought, okay, my reaction to my kid disobeying is to be strong and or to be just drop the hammer when really, that's not the way to handle it, let's say all the time.

But that's what you learned. Then there's people that walk around. It just seems from birth, like you said, you're just angry. You just thought you were born that way. But what you're saying is, despite how we got there, or some people, you know, another one is you're traumatized. You have serious harm done to you and then you, and there's a 

Dr. Mort Orman: lot of people in that category.

Yeah, 

David Pasqualone: yeah, yeah. And then you walk around angry and it carries over into multiple aspects of your life, not just the one it happened in. But you're exhausted, you're tired. You don't want to [00:13:00] be this way, but you are, and you don't know how to get out. So what you're telling me is you can help all of us in all of these situations to be free.

Dr. Mort Orman: Uh, yeah. And, and I, and I, like you say, I make a distinction between unwanted anger and, and wanted anger. You know, anger that's beneficial in some way. And there are a lot of people that are, anger can be very beneficial in their lives, but most of the time I would say 80% of the anger that we experience as human beings was in the category of unwanted, potentially harmful, damaging anger.

We'd rather not have. We'd rather be free of. And, and most people don't know how to get free of that. And, and I didn't know how to do it. You know, despite all my education, I was one of the most educated people on the planet. Uh, and going through seven years of medical training and also dabbling in psychology, and I still didn't understand.

Uh, my anger and my other emotions so that I could get my hands on the controls and turn it on and off whenever I wanted to. And if it was serving me, then I wouldn't do that. But if it was causing problems or ruining a [00:14:00] relationship or affecting my health, which fortunately I was young enough that it hadn't done that yet, um, you know, I would know how to turn it off or I would know how to understand what, how my brain was causing it to happen, um, which is invisible.

Most people, you can't see it. So unless someone informs you or you learn about it, you know, you're kind of in the dark. And that's where most people are today. They want to do something about their anger, but they're completely in the dark about where it's actually coming from. 

David Pasqualone: Well then let's talk about it.

We're here together. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Mm-hmm. 

David Pasqualone: We have unresolved issues that we want to get rid of, but we don't know how. Where does it start? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Well, the first thing you have to understand is how our brains, what work I. And one of the primary things our brains are doing all the time. , our brains learned that, um, you know, they had to simplify things for us.

They had to, there's so much data coming into our nervous system, into our, uh, uh, sense organs. It's just too much for the brain to process. So the brain had to sort of chunk things [00:15:00] down to determine what was important and not important. And so our brains are always filtering everything before we experience it.

Before we perceive anything, it's being filtered by our brains. So our brains have thousands and thousands of different filters. So for example, if you were bit by a dog when you were three years old, you're gonna have probably have a dog's or dangerous filter. And, and every time a dog comes into your vicinity, you know it's gonna trigger some anxiety or a fear reaction because your brain is filtering that, that, uh.

Reality, uh, into your past experience of a negative experience with a dog. Whereas a person didn't have that experience, a dog comes up to them, they, they might reach out and pet it and say, oh, what a wonderful little, you know, creature. They won't have that same filter. So that's just an example of the, uh, our brain's constantly filtering things and it happens all the time, every day, 24 7.

So that's what our brains do. They, they chunk down the amount of data that's coming in. They decide. Our brains decide through various [00:16:00] mechanisms what's important for us to attend to. So, for example, if you set a goal for yourself to achieve something, your brain's gonna start filtering the world. You know, that lines up with things that might help you do that or keep you from doing that.

You'll start seeing things differently. It's the old adage, you know, you buy a red car and all of a sudden you start seeing red cars all over the place. They were there, your brain had just filtered them out. Now you have one. So you're more, you are more aware of it. It's, you're more attuned to it. Now your brain's gonna let that appear to you.

So that's what our brains are doing all the time. And most of our emotions come from a set of three or four very simple filters or ways that our brain tells us to look at a situation. And if we look at it that way, then we're gonna get the motion that goes with that. So it's not just anger that has this property, but anxiety, sadness, guilt, you know, frustration.

They all have their own little formulas for how our brain is filtering and presenting the world to us that makes us have those [00:17:00] emotions. So for anger, there's three and they're not very hard. You know, to understand. So for example, the first filter when we get angry is that we, we are looking at the world and we see things in terms of somebody did something bad or wrong that they shouldn't have done.

So no, no, we don't, we don't get angry if we think somebody did something wonderful or terrific or fantastic. 'cause usually some negative view of somebody doing something wrong or unjust or unconscionable or unfair or harmful in some way. Okay. And then the second filter is somebody was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted by that bad and wrong behavior.

It could be us, it could be somebody we care about, it could be the planet, it could be anything, you know, that was a negative impact. And then the third filter is one I call unilateral blame. So it's a very limited, narrow, reduced view of blame where we only look at the behavior of the person who did the bad wrong thing, and we don't see any other causes that might have been involved.

So it's like we have horse [00:18:00] blinders on and we're only focused on that person, and we don't see any other causes that may have been real and, and, and, uh, have occurred. But, you know, our, our brain's gonna filter them out. So when you get those three filters, somebody did, and people should write these down by the way, and put it on a little sticky note or an index card or something.

'cause this was, this is what'll give you x-ray vision into where your anger's coming from. So somebody did something bad and wrong, they shouldn't have done. Somebody was hurt, harmed, or negatively impacted, and the person who did the bad and wrong thing was unilaterally responsible or to blame. When you see the world through those three filters and you believe that they're true, then natural responses to have the emotion of anger.

Now again, if you had, let's say you had anxiety, you're looking through your brain's telling you to look through different filters to produce the emotion of anxiety. Same with sadness. Different filters produce sadness. So what we're talking about anger here, it's useful to know those three filters because every time you get angry, it [00:19:00] doesn't matter.

There could be a thousand different things that trigger different individuals. Some might be triggered to get angry by certain external events and some might not. It doesn't matter what the external event is. The internal process is always the same three filters for all of us, for you. For me, people that got angry a thousand years ago, people that are gonna get angry a thousand years from now, it's always because the brain is presenting these three filters and telling you that this is what's true about whatever happened.

And as long as you buy that and accept it and look at it that way, you will have the emotion of anger. 

David Pasqualone: Now we acknowledge like, okay, this is the baseline. Mm-hmm. How do you start converting that in the real world from the emotions you're feeling to release, be free and move on? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Well, that's a good question because it's not, you know, just knowing the three filters alone is great.

I mean, it, it solves the problem of, I don't know where my anger's coming from. I don't know [00:20:00] why I'm angry. I don't know why I keep getting angry. Now, you know why? 'cause your brain is telling you to look at things through these three filters. It's trained you to look at 'em through these three filters. But now the, the, the $64 million question is, what do I do with that information?

And the the answer is, you have to start questioning and determining whether what your brain is telling you is true or not. Is the way your brain is filtering the world and telling you to look at it. True. And a lot of times if you start doing that, you'll find that one or more of those three filters isn't completely true.

It may be missing critical information that you lack. It may be distorting the way you're looking at things. Um, it could be completely wrong about something. And a lot of times we've all had the experience of being angry and then finding out later on we were wrong about whatever we believed that made us angry.

Right? So we all know that that happens, but it happens more often than you think. Um, and, and. I discovered when I discovered these three filters 40 years [00:21:00] ago and realized where my anger was finally coming from, and then started to do this. Okay, now I'm gonna start investigating. Each time I get angry. Is my brain telling me the truth or not?

Or where is it lying to me or giving me a, a false view of reality? Um, when you start digging in and asking those questions, and now you know where to, what to ask, uh, and what to interrogate, you find out, oh my gosh, you know, my brain tricked me. You know, it, uh, made me think something was true. And it turns out, the more I think about it and more I look at it more broadly, it isn't really true the way my brain wants me to believe it's true.

And then as soon as you do that, as soon as you see that your brain has tricked you, and you realize how it's tricked you, the anger just dissolves in the moment, in that instant. I mean, you don't have to punch a punching bag. You don't have to run five miles. You don't have to take deep breaths. You just see the world more accurately as opposed to how your brain told you to see it, and the emotion goes away.

And the more you practice that, the [00:22:00] faster you get at it, the better you get at it. And also you start to rewire your brain and, and you start to see things. Eventually you start to see things more accurately and your brain can't fool you as much as it as it did before you woke up to this whole process and started doing the work of challenging what your brain is telling you.

And that's literally how you can get free of energy. Now, it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen like right off the bat. It doesn't happen immediately. You gotta actually do the work of, of testing this out, seeing where it's true, seeing where your brain is tricking you, figuring out the patterns and how it does it.

And, and then you can, which is not that hard to do once you know what to do. Uh, and then you build on that base and eventually over time you get to a place. For me anyway, I went from being extremely angry guy and being triggered by minor things frequently to where I hardly get triggered at all. And the same things that used to trigger me, don't trigger me anymore.

'cause now I see them differently. 

David Pasqualone: So if I'm hearing, go ahead. Sorry. [00:23:00] 

Dr. Mort Orman: I, and I, I see the world differently, but you have to do that work of, of, of challenging your brain and taking your brain on and seeing where it's misleading you and where it's not, which is not a normal thing for people to do. You don't go around usually, you know, saying, questioning your brain, but it, but actually your brain is deceiving you.

A lot of the times we know this, you know, uh, there's like 200 cognitive biases that psychologists have identified that are always our brains. Trick us into believing things that aren't really true. Uh, and, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's lots of ways that every day our brain is, is misleading us.

David Pasqualone: So if I, excuse me if I'm hearing you correctly, let's just put. Getting angry in traffic, right? Mm-hmm. A lot of people have that problem. Mm-hmm. So if someone really wants to get better and not have this outrageous anger, especially over stuff that doesn't matter. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Mm-hmm. 

David Pasqualone: Let's say they get cut off in traffic or somebody swerves or whatever it does to trigger them, 

Dr. Mort Orman: [00:24:00] yes.

David Pasqualone: You need to stop and say, okay, what am I actually angry about? And then kind of do a self-check evaluation of what are the facts? 

Dr. Mort Orman: You know, you don't have to, you don't have to do any of that. Okay. Because I already gave, I already gave you the what you have to, all you have to do is say, I'm angry, okay?

Therefore, these three filters must have been activated in my brain. You, you don't have to wonder about it. You don't have to, you know? Theorize about it. My brain told money to see somebody did something bad wrong. Somebody was hurt and harmed, negatively impacted, and they were unilaterally responsible or to blame.

That's why you got angry. Now the trick is, what do I, can I see that there's anything might be wrong about those three filters? Are there any weak spots or weaknesses or flaws in those filters? Did they leave stuff out? Did they mislead me? That's what you, that's what there is to do. You don't have to, you don't have to wonder anymore about what's going on.

Uh, again, if you write those three filters down, you will always know with a hundred percent certainty why you got angry. [00:25:00] 

David Pasqualone: Yes. And then once you, the challenge 

Dr. Mort Orman: will be, the challenge will be what's the truth between what your brain is telling you and what's happened in the real world? 

David Pasqualone: Yes. And so if like the cutoff in traffic example, you might say, okay, well maybe they're having their worst day ever, or maybe they're, you know, late for work.

Or, I mean, how would you process through practically of calming yourself down? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Okay, so you're driving down the road and somebody, somebody speeds up from behind you, goes across the double line, dips in, in front of you, startles you, you have to slam on your brakes, and now you're pissed at that person.

Okay? They, they drove recklessly. They drove recklessly, they endangered you. If you had anybody in the car with you, they were endangered. You could have had an accident, could have been all kinds of negative, you know, implications. So you're driving down around that happens, okay? So your brain tells you to look at it and somebody did something bad, bad and wrong.

They shouldn't have done, you were either negatively impacted or potentially negatively impacted. [00:26:00] That's the second one. And who was responsible for that behavior? The person who zipped around went over the double line and abruptly cut in front of you. Okay? That's what your brain told you, which made you angry and, and, and your anger happens in a knee jerk automatic fashion.

You didn't, you didn't think about it. You just, it just appeared because your brain automatically told you to look at it that way in a split second. You know, it, it just said, look at it this way. Believe this, okay, I'm angry. Now, obviously in the moment it's gonna be hard to do, but let's say a half an hour later, you're back home and you can reflect on the situation.

Eventually, you can get faster at it, but in the beginning you won't, but you're removed from the situation. You're back home. And now you say, okay, let's look at those three things. Is it true that that person did something bad and wrong? They shouldn't have done well? Yes. They shouldn't have a, they shouldn't have crossed a double line.

That's a no-no. [00:27:00] Okay, that's an infraction. Um, they should have abruptly cut in front of me, uh, because it scared me and it could have caused an accident. So let's say the first one is true. Okay. The second one, I was, uh, I was negatively impacted. I was hurt and harmed. Negatively impacted. Well, in the first place, you weren't okay.

You didn't have an accident. You didn't have an injury. Yeah. Maybe you were startled a little bit, but in the, in the big scope of things, how much of a negative impact is that? So the second one's a little, you always see the second one's a little bit iffy. You know, it's like, well, yeah, technically I wasn't really harmed.

Okay. And then if you look at the third one, that that person was unilaterally responsible to blame. What, what that usually means is I didn't have anything to do with it. Okay. But what if you did? What if you were driving slowly? Or what if you were driving in a way that that. Aggravated that person behind you so much so that they decided that you didn't wanna stand, stay behind you anymore, [00:28:00] and they had to speed around you.

A lot of times that's what happens. A lot of times we play a role in the other person's behavior, but our brain cuts that out. So when we're angry, we're not focused on that. We're only focused on what they did. We are not focused on what we might have done to have provoked what they did. So I remember when I first started doing this stuff back 40 years ago, I used to get furious with people in my car when I, you know, when they would cut me off or do something, something I thought was wrong about their driving skills, you know?

And I would honk the horn and make the gestures and do all this stuff. And then I started working on this stuff, and one day I was driving down the road on a highway and somebody cut in, came in on an entrance ramp very slowly, and I thought, negligently and I had to slam on my brakes, you know? And I started working up the anger and I was really getting into it.

And then all of a sudden I realized, Ooh, wait a second. I was going 80 miles an hour in the right hand lane. And then I realized, oh, wait a minute. I've been in that same [00:29:00] situation on the other side where I've come onto a highway and I took a quick glance because that's all the time you have. And I saw, saw a car, saw a car, but I didn't realize how fast it was going.

So I just slowly meandered onto the, into the highway and I didn't realize they were on top of me honking their horn. So I realized it wasn't, I wasn't being a bad driver or in inconsiderate driver, I just didn't appreciate how fast that person was going in a split second. I had to look at them. And then now I was in that same situation and I was the one who was the fast driver.

So once you start to see the truth of the, and I couldn't continue to be angry, I couldn't work up the anger, 'cause I saw one of those three filters was complete bs. Right. That they weren't a hundred percent responsible, that I played as much a role as they did one. And as soon as you see that you, you can't see them as the bad guy anymore.

You can't see them as unilaterally to blame and, and then your anger just dissipates. So there's all kinds of situations in life where we, again, we have these filters that happen automatically and, [00:30:00] and immediately and they're frequently flawed and nobody has, uh, has encouraged us to start asking these questions, you know, and to start taking, taking our brain on and saying, are you telling me the truth or are you not?

And if you do that, you'll find a lot of times our brain is, is hoodwinking us. And, and, and we don't, we haven't woken up to it yet. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. So that makes sense completely for everyday scenarios. And what's funny is I picked the traffic one. 'cause I know a lot of people struggle with that and it's not, that's actually not what I typically have a problem with.

Right. But what about the situations? Dr. Mort where people have harmed you. Yeah. Like you know, husbands and wives, they have a good relationship, quote unquote, good relationship. And then one gets involved in something terrible and they go way too far. Yeah. And they cause a problem. Or you can have a work relationship where you know [00:31:00] you're at work and you have a boss that for terrible reasons, promote someone who's not a good employee and you've been killing yourself for five years and you're not promoted.

And they are, I mean, there's so many situations that are personal and to deep levels. Yes. Like the marriage one is happens sadly every day. Yes. You know, a husband cheats on a wife, a wife cheats on a husband, they lie about it. You know, there's narcissistic gaslighting, there's people who really derail.

And cause the other one harm. And of course, there's no perfect person in marriage. Yes, but, or whole holy person in marriage, but they really are the quote unquote victim. Then you have work situations where you truly have an environment that's hostile, and it doesn't matter what you do, someone's being promoted and you're being held back.

Yes. So in those roles, how do you deal with the anger? 

Dr. Mort Orman: It's the same thing. You've gotta say, you gotta look at what the difference between what your brain is [00:32:00] telling you and what's actually true. Okay? And these are horrible situations. None of them that you described as anything anybody would want to go through, but they're real, they happen.

All right? They're people who behave that way. There are bosses that are terrible bosses, okay? You're not gonna rid the world of terrible bosses. You, you might be unlucky and encounter one, but if you, if your brain is telling you that, you know, it's, if it giving you a philosophy like I shouldn't have to endure a bad boss.

That's actually a false belief. You know, statistically speaking, uh, there's a good chance you're gonna encounter a bad boss. Now, that doesn't mean that the situa, it's good that you have that situation. It just means that the reality is, if your brain is telling you you shouldn't have a bad boss, it's lying to you.

Because the reality is you might, and then you're gonna have to deal with that as best you can. Maybe the, maybe the solution is you leave and you get another job. Or maybe the [00:33:00] solution is you figure out some way to communicate with the boss to change their behavior, fix their behavior, which I know is a long shot, okay?

But it has been done in a few cases. All right? But the point is the, the point is the philosophy. Your brain has given you that you shouldn't have to, you shouldn't run into that situation or be in that situation is a false philosophy in the real world. Some people are gonna be in that situation and it's unfortunate it's not good when it happens, but to run around thinking that that shouldn't have happened to you is kind of your brain tricking you.

Right? 

David Pasqualone: And that can go in the marriage case too. Like, I shouldn't have to deal with a divorce, I shouldn't have to deal with an affair, I shouldn't have to deal with being exploited. Whatever it is, 

Dr. Mort Orman: it's, those are all, those are all things your brain is telling you. They are philosophies your brain is giving you that are not realistic.

Realistic. You know, we know 50% of marriages fail. We know domestic violence [00:34:00] happens frequently and when, if you look at domestic violence, so, so someone who's violent, it works both ways. Someone who's violent. It was violent because of the three filters. They're looking at their partner thinking the partner did something bad wrong.

They shouldn't have done. They're thinking that they were negatively impacted in some way. Okay? And that that person was unilaterally responsible to blame, meaning they didn't have anything to do with it. Now, we know that that's probably false. That, that the person committing the domestic violence plays a huge role in in what happened.

Okay? And they can't pretend to be innocent in it. So they're inflicting pain on the other person, but they're looking through the same three filters, and the filters are lying to them. And that gets them all worked up and in a rage. And then they take out their rage on the other person is because they bought into the lies that their brain was telling them.

Now, why did their brain. You know, give them [00:35:00] these three ways of looking at things. Well, we don't know of all the influences on their lives, what their parents were like, what their different people in their lives that impacted them to make them that kind of person who's so distorted in their view of the world that they end up acting that way.

Okay? So that's from the side of you of the offender. But if you're the person being offended against, if you're the person who domestic violence is being, uh, is being dished out to you, okay? And you're angry about it, okay? Then you're looking through those three filters. The person who committed violence against you did something bad wrong.

They shouldn't have done well. That's obviously true. They shouldn't have done that. You were negatively impacted. That's true. Probably you were negatively impacted and, and usually physically impacted and maybe worse. Okay? But when you get to the third one, uh uh, they were unilaterally responsible and you had nothing to do with it.

In a marriage, that's almost never the case. [00:36:00] Whether big conflicts or little conflicts in any marriage, it's never that one person is a hundred percent responsible to blame and the other person's zero. That doesn't happen. Everybody has shared responsibility in a marriage. Now it could be 80 20, it could be 60 40, 50 50.

Who knows? Alright, but you're, you didn't not play a role. Alright? If somebody's attacking you, believe me, there's something going on in the relationship. That you may not be aware of where you are in some way. I'm not saying intentionally, um, but in some way you're playing a role. Now you may not be aware of that role.

You and some people may not wanna admit that they're playing a role, but they are in reality. So your brain, both brains are tricking the people involved in the situation and they just have to figure out how their brains are doing that and try to deal with it and resolve it as best they can. Now, it may be the way is to get the hell out of the relationship and there may be the brain may be tricking, and the brain tricks a lot of people in that situation into staying in the [00:37:00] relationship.

You know, oh, he'll come around. Uh, that's all brain. That's all brain Bs. You know, he'll change, you know, he'll, he'll, you know, he really loves me. Well, no he doesn't. If he's or she or whatever, if they're treating you that way, it's a clear sign that, that they're, they know they've lost touch with what love is.

Alright? So for you to think that they're gonna become a loving individual is your brain, is your brain fooling you? So you've gotta understand how your brain is tricking you in multiple ways. Want to make, anytime it makes you angry, it's probably tricking you. And, and anytime it's keeping you in a bad situation, it's probably tricking you.

But that's what happens for human beings. And the brains that we have is they make us stay in situations that any normal person would, would walk out of as soon as they could. But, but our brains are giving us all kinds of reasons not to do that. So it, it gets, it gets us in a lot of different ways. One way is by causing emotions that aren't necessary.

Or harmful to us and other ways is, you know, keeping us from being able to resolve those situations so we don't have the [00:38:00] emotions to keep coming up over and over again or the, or the hurt and harm coming up over and over again. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And I thought when you were just talking, I thought about the Bible, you know, Samson and Delilah.

I remember reading that story and never understanding like, why would Samson keep going back to this woman? Right? And there's this one verse that says, because he loved her and he just loved her, so he kept going back even though she was trying to cause him harm and it was too late before he saw it.

Yeah. And how many men and women are in that situation? So I want you to challenge me, or I'm gonna challenge you because I know a lot of people, sadly, where again, there's no completely holy person, right? Mm-hmm. But I know sadly, a lot of marriages over the last 48 years of my life that I have observed, and the husband or the wife was really a great human and they love their spouse.

And that spouse, just a scumbag, they, you know, domestic abuse to the wife, they cheated on him. All sorts of bad things. So [00:39:00] I can't say like, that woman or that man really did anything to contribute to the problems, you know? Well, you 

Dr. Mort Orman: have to be careful about that because it, it, there's so many factors involved.

Uh, yes, they were a good person. That may be be, that may be true 

David Pasqualone: or a kind person, but I'm just saying there's a lot of times people fake who they are. There's 

Dr. Mort Orman: so many little in relationships, there's so many little things that we can do to irritate the other person that we're not even aware that we're doing.

Um, I agree with 

David Pasqualone: that, but I mean, there's people who fake who they are. They get married and they abuse their, their wife. Like they just totally lie or they totally lie to the husband who they are and they get married and then they abuse the husband. I, I mean that, that, so what I'm saying is when you're in that situation, I really, I agree with everything you've said in the sense of how to process it and deal with it and how they stay in that marriage.

'cause they, they, they're waiting for the miracle or the person really loves me. And like you said, they don't, they love themselves more. I agree with everything you're saying, but I really have seen so many Yeah. Marriages where they really do [00:40:00] have one just jackass spouse and the other one's just the constant beating post.

Dr. Mort Orman: Well, I'll tell you, it's such a, it's such a common pattern 'cause everybody's seen it. It's such a common pattern that I've given it the name, I've given it the name, the oh oh seven. The oh oh seven syndrome. Oh 

David Pasqualone: oh seven syndrome. Okay, explain that. Yeah. So 

Dr. Mort Orman: the oh oh seven syndrome is you got two fairly decent people, okay?

And they get married, right? And as soon as they get married, one or both of them decides that the marriage license is like a license to kill. And they really think that, okay, now we're married, so now we can really, you know, now can really go after each other. We can really, you know, be nasty to each other.

We can really criticize each other, we can talk down to each other. We, you know, we can berate each other. We can even, sometimes physically, you know, uh, pumble each other, you know, it feels like that, that the marriage license is, their brain tells them that the marriage license is a license to kill. Not real.

You know, it's a license to be nasty in your relationship because you're [00:41:00] married and that's what married people are supposed to do, which is complete kaka. Alright? But our brains will tell us that and then we'll act that way. 'cause we'll think we're doing what married people normally do and it's complete bs but that's what our brain is feeding us and that's how we behave.

And that's where some of that, that's where a lot of that behavior comes from. Is, is. Feeling like it's the normal thing to do in a marriage is to berate your partner, which just destroys the relationship. It literally kills the relationship if you keep doing that. Um, and it keeps escalating. 'cause as soon as one person does it, the other one retaliates and just gets, you know, snowballs and, and it's a bad situation, but it all came from your brain.

Somebody's brain telling them that this is how you should behave and how it's okay to behave in a marriage where the truth is, if you're married, you should never want to do anything that's negative towards your partner. You should always want to be more uplifting and, and building your partner up rather than tearing them down.

You know, that's [00:42:00] how you should behave in a marriage if you wanna have a good one. But unfortunately, a lot of people today do the exact opposite and they wonder why the person wants to leave at some point, or the marriage fails at some point when, when they engage in that kind of crazy activity that their brain tells 'em to engage in.

David Pasqualone: So now let's say again, we'll just stick with this. There's so many scenarios, so many ways we could process this interview, but like, we'll stick with the marriage. One, you have a man or a woman, they go through a marriage and it ends in divorce. Mm-hmm. But they're stuck in the anger cycle. They're like, that shouldn't have happened to me.

That person treated me bad. How do they get free from that? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Well, I'll tell you, I do a, I do a lot of work in, uh, with people going through divorce. I've even trained a number of divorce coaches who came to me and said, I'd like to learn your technology for helping people deal with anger, because it would be very useful to me.

'cause I'm dealing with anger all the time in, in the people that I'm working with, who I'm counseling. So there's a lot of [00:43:00] anger obviously that goes on around divorce. And again, it's the same. It's the same three filters are always involved, and it's the same process where the filters are probably false in some ways in both parties.

And until they start recognizing that and dealing with it and telling the truth about what really went down and how it happened, and what role they played and what role they didn't play, okay, then it's not gonna get sorted out and the anger's gonna persist. And you see a lot of people that have a lot of anger going.

Of course the lawyers and judges stir it all up with their behavior, but once it's over, 

David Pasqualone: yeah. For 450 bucks an hour. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yeah, that's right. Once it's over, the only people 

David Pasqualone: who went from divorce are the attorneys and the, uh, Satan. So I, I, I'm, I hate divorce. I went through a divorce, but the only people who went from divorce are Satan and the attorneys, they're, it's just a broken system.

Dr. Mort Orman: And then afterwards when you're co-parenting, there's all that lingering anger that keeps coming up because they [00:44:00] never address the root causes in the beginning, which is, okay, why do we get divorced? You know, I am angry at you, you're angry at me. Our anger's coming from our three filters. Where have our, where's our brain tricking us, each of us into seeing things incorrectly?

You know? And, and if they could have both done that, which is not easy to do, but if they have professionals working with them that are assisting them in doing that, it can, it can happen. But until we get more people who understand anger in this way and understand how to help people in this way, it's, it's probably not gonna happen that much.

But it can, theoretically, it's possible. And I've seen people who have come through divorce and they've let go of the anger, and they did it by telling the truth. As opposed to the way their brain would work up the anger and make 'em angering each time that would happen. It's the same process. It doesn't matter whether it's divorce, it doesn't matter what the situation is.

It's always the same three filters. It's always our brain doing the [00:45:00] same thing. And it's always our brain lying to us in one or more of those three ways, um, that is at the root cause of whatever's going on. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. So I guess I'm intrigued and a little unclear. 'cause like, you know, there's random murders.

They're not common, but they're truly random murders. Mm-hmm. There's a guy and a woman, they're coming home for a show. Yeah. They're walking down the road, they get robbed. The scumbag shoots 'em. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yep. 

David Pasqualone: And they're dead. And now you have the parents and the kids. And they're just angry. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yep. 

David Pasqualone: So, 

Dr. Mort Orman: well, they're angry.

They're angry because somebody, the person, somebody did 

David Pasqualone: something bad and wrong. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Wrong. Which is true. They were 

David Pasqualone: negatively impacted. 

Dr. Mort Orman: They were negative impact, which is true. If you're killed, you're negatively impacted. 

David Pasqualone: Well, no, but the kids are negatively. You took my dad, you took my dad. That's a huge 

Dr. Mort Orman: negative.

That's a huge negative impact. Okay. And, and then, but then the last one is the person who did that, the murderer was unilaterally responsible or to blame? Well, guess what? [00:46:00] They probably weren't. See, that's where 

David Pasqualone: I'm getting stuck and I bet a bunch of our listeners are. So we have thousands and thousands of people listening to this show each week from all around the world.

Help us understand this. 'cause I know, I don't understand that. 

Dr. Mort Orman: You gotta look at it more broadly and more philosophically, that person for is functioning very abnormally in society. Okay. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. 

Dr. Mort Orman: They, they had to have a lot of influences on them in the past that made them that way. They didn't just, they didn't just get born that way.

Oh, I agree. There's reason 

David Pasqualone: what they do, but in that moment, I'm not psychoanalyzing them. 

Dr. Mort Orman: No, but in reality though, and no, you're angry because you're angry because you're holding them a hundred percent responsible or to blame for what they did. They murdered a family member of yours. Okay? 

David Pasqualone: Yes. They are responsible though.

They did it. They made the choice. 

Dr. Mort Orman: They did. They did. Yes and no, they did it. So in that sense, they're responsible. But what about all the factors that impinged on them that made [00:47:00] them do it or led them to do it? I can see that. Or made it so, and made it so that they didn't have the strength or the inner, the moral character or the strength to resist the temptation to do what they did.

You know, there's tremendous forces on them. I mean, I remember, I remember reading, um, a book on forgiveness and, um, there are all these examples of people who have let go of anger by forgiving the perpetrator, by sort of realizing that well, they, they just were in a state where they just behaved, you know, crazily.

And, and you know, they, they probably had influences on them that made that do it. There was a, one of these countries in Africa, the example was a woman who was one of these countries in Africa where there were a civil war and, and, and families, you know, and, and neighbors were on different sides. And there was one neighbor that came into her house and killed her husband and her children, and she survived.

And then the, the, the Civil War ended and she ended up not only [00:48:00] forgiving the person who killed her family members, but she actually hired them to work for her. She had truly let go of the anger she had seen that pers that person who was the perpetrator as a victim of some forces in their life that she couldn't even understand or knew what they were.

But she had to assume that there was some forces strong enough to make that person behave that way and turn on their neighbor like that in some crazy war scenario where they got somebody brainwashed them into thinking that was the right thing to do and they went out and did it. So, you know, if you, you, you have to broad, if you get broadly philosophical like that, you can forgive things.

You can see things differently. You know, the Dalai Lama is a great example of this. The Dalai Lama has tremendous compassion, way more than most of us can muster up because he's practiced it. You know, he is practiced looking at things that way and letting and seeing things more broadly and letting [00:49:00] go of a lot of the normal judgments that we would have on other people.

And you. You can do that. And you have to see that when, when we're not doing that, our brain is telling us to hold onto those judgments. The brain is telling us to hold onto those philosophies. You know, that, that this, this person, you know, should be held guilty and responsible and, and maybe in the law, that's, that's the way it works out.

But, and even if the law punishes somebody, you can still be angry at them for the rest of your life until you let go. And the only way you can let go is to tell the truth. Um, and usually when you do that, you see that whatever was driving your anger in the first place was due to some bad philosophy or some, some flaw in one of those three filters that you bought into.

But it, again, it's not normal for people to think that way. It takes a little bit of, you know, again, being at a sort of higher philosophical state to, to be able to see things in that kind of a context because everybody else is telling you no, look at it. You know, in, in, [00:50:00] in the normal way, which is they're a bad person.

They are just inherently a bad person. They did it. The three filters are true. You should be angry, you know, you should get vengeance, you should get justice, whatever it is that we do when we believe the three filters are true. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And I do believe, forgive lessee not be forgiven. And I believe that, you know, we need to love.

But, 

Dr. Mort Orman: but lemme tell you, you can't. You're, again, our brain tricks us into thinking. You can say the words I forgive and, and yeah. Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna forgive this person. But if you are still looking at it that they did something bad and wrong, they heard and harmed one of your loved ones, or you, and they're a hundred percent responsible, blame you ain't forgiven, you're not gonna forgive them in your heart.

You're still gonna be angry. It's only when you can see through those three filters and and realize that one or more 'em isn't true. That you truly go, okay, now I can forgive. 'cause now I see it differently. [00:51:00] If you don't see it differently, you haven't forgiven. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And same thing with saying you're sorry.

You know, people say the words, but they don't mean it. People can say they forgive, but they don't forgive. And I know that's a, and it's a process. It's not instant. Especially if someone's truly harmed you. It takes time. 

Dr. Mort Orman: But you know, if you say, if you, let's say you're in a marriage and you did something wrong or something like that.

And you say, I'm sorry, you can say, I'm sorry. And your partner may go like, well, I don't know whether I can trust that or not. Okay. But if you say, I'm sorry and here's why I'm sorry. I realized that I, that I thought this way. And that caused me to behave this way. And now I realize that the way I was thinking was completely wrong and I misjudged you, or I, uh, I blamed you for something that you didn't really do.

And I realize my mistake and, and now I wanna make up for it. That's a whole different kind of apology. And, and you really would get it. You go, okay, this person really is, they see their fault. They see how they made a mistake and it led to this problem, and now they're owning up to it. [00:52:00] I, and that's a real apology that you can trust.

If they, if it's couched that way. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. Again, you say what you did and, and will you forgive me a hundred percent. That's a biblical model of a, of a, yeah. Repentance. But it 

Dr. Mort Orman: means that means that person saw the situation be in a new way where they realized something they hadn't realized before, that they had made a mistake that they had misjudged somebody or made a false assumption or something like that, which is looking at it in a whole new way.

And then they communicate that to you and you realize, oh, they did, they have seen it differently the way I saw it. You know? Yeah. More accurately. And then you realize that, that you can, you can buy that apology. Same with, it's the same with forgiveness till you see the situation differently. It's only lip service if you say you're forgiving.

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And in today's day and age, we're becoming more and more lovers of selves, right? So you're seeing less and less sincere apology. So let's go with the model of you've been harmed greatly and the other person doesn't [00:53:00] give a shit. They just don't care. They don't see they need anything wrong. They're a narcissist.

They're a sociopath. How do you recommend we deal with those types of injuries and harm? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Well, again, you, you're gonna, there there's a certain percentage of the people in the population who are gonna be that way. They're not gonna own up to their faults, they're not gonna own up to their mistakes. And you're gonna run into some of them and it's gonna be nasty when you do.

And it's gonna be very unsatisfying and you're gonna wish they were different. But guess what? It's like wishing tornadoes don't happen. You know? They happen. Yeah. And when one happens and blows your house down, there's no point in being angry about it, you know? Yeah. It's horrible. Uh, and yeah, you lost your house, you lost your possessions.

You may have been a loss of life, but to assume that that tornado shouldn't happen and should never happen to you, that's not realistic thinking. I 

David Pasqualone: think that is a good distinction right there. [00:54:00] It's not that it should have happened, it's not that it was right. 

Dr. Mort Orman: No, but it happens. It happened to you. It's good that it happened.

It's not that it's good that it happened, it's just, it's a statistical probability that it's gonna happen to some people sometime. And you know, that's just the way life is and you can't, uh, you can't get around it. You just have to realize and you just, at a certain level, you have to accept that it happened to you and move on, you know?

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And I know biblically this Romans 8 28, all things work together for good to those that love God, to those called according to his purpose. So whether we understand it or not, in our lifetime, we will understand an eternity. Everything will work out for good somehow. Yeah. But man, in those moments, like I got a buddy from college, his son's working.

Drunk driver, middle of the day hits him while he's doing landscaping. The guy drives off the road, hits him, you know, and my buddy's doing great, but it's just like, that's something I could see being angry about. Or you have people who are, you know, [00:55:00] a a kid, their dad and their mom was taken away because some psycho killed him like this Friday.

Right. Doctor? So strange. I'm walking downtown after dinner and this Ja guy out nowhere jumps in front of me and he puts both his hands down the front of his pants and in a split second, I'm thinking, is he pulling a gun? Is he some psycho about to whip himself out or is this some retard? 'cause he was in his mid twenties and he's making some kind of social media video and he is got friends around him, right?

Or is there other people about to jump me? So in a split second, I take a step to the right to go around him and he steps over and says, don't move. There was no conscious, there was no anger. I just took my right hand. I threw him out of the way, grabbed the person I was with my left hand and walked on.

And you know what that psycho says? Why did you push me? [00:56:00] Like that was his mentality. Yes. Yes. Like you just stood there and his hands are in his pants. I don't know what he's gonna do. Yeah. And he tells me not to move. And his response isn't any form of accountability. It's why did you push me? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Right? It's the same thing.

His, so he had his three filters going. Okay. He did. He was not in the wrong, his, his brain filtered that out. His brain wouldn't let him see anything that he did that that was wrong. All he could see was what you did that was wrong. He's like, Adam puncher, throw him through a plate glass window. Yeah.

Perfect example of how the three filters work. So he was pissed at you for what you did, which means he, it means he was looking for those three filters, that you did something wrong and he didn't have anything to do with it. And it was, it was baloney. You know, he, his brain would not allow him to see the reality of the situation, which was, he played a big role in why you did what you did.

David Pasqualone: Yeah, and I, I mean, I'm not, [00:57:00] I'm baffled by it. I'm not angry at him, but I'm just saying, this dude's got issues. Okay. So maybe he was abused his life. Maybe he was, he didn't seem on drugs or alcohol, but he clearly had a broken mind. But I'd say the top two things that dude was gonna do was either flash us or pull out a weapon.

Dr. Mort Orman: Yeah. 

David Pasqualone: And I'm not gonna psychoanalyze him. And if he pulled out a weapon, once I moved my girl to safety, I would've knocked him out. Right. I wouldn't have psycho analyzed and said, I feel bad that you were molested as a child and now you're perfect. Yeah. So this, 

Dr. Mort Orman: this whole thing of analyzing the situation, it's hard to do in the, in the immediate moment when something's going on.

Okay. Yeah. When you get, actually, when you, when you practice this over a long period of time, you get, you get pretty good at, at questioning your brain like quickly. Um, good. Like, I remember there was, and one example I gave when my daughter was young and sitting in the, I, we were out at one evening and she was in the car seat in the back of our car and, and we had an incident where [00:58:00] she did, said something and did something and I started to well up with anger and I was gonna just turn around and blast her, you know, with parental anger.

And I stopped myself. It's almost like, you know, a golf, you know, you seen in a golf tournament where a professional golfer, you know, be in the middle of their back swing and somebody will make a sound or a noise or something. Yeah. They'll just stop their swing. It's like that. I started to get angry and I just, I just stopped it.

Okay. Because I knew, I knew that my brain, it's likely my brain was tricky. Me, I didn't know. Now I didn't know what, I couldn't analyze it in the moment. I didn't have any exact knowledge of where it was tricking me. I just had a suspicion that it was probably tricking me, which caused me to be careful about blasting my daughter.

So I decided to ask her why she said what she said and didn't expect an answer that would be reasonable. But she gave me one and I was like so thankful that I didn't, 'cause I, now I saw that I completely misread the situation. Okay. I misinterpreted what she was doing and, and that's what was driving my anger.

Um, but it was [00:59:00] in the moment, it happened so fast that you can't do the analytic thing. But I, but I was able to like. I realize that I'm probably being fooled by my brain and stop and ask. And she told me and I got a good answer and I, and that solved the whole problem. But, so you can get fast in that sense, but most of the time in the middle of the situation when anger flares up, you're not gonna be able to do all this stuff we're talking about today.

But you, but when you're removed from the situation and you're thinking about it and you're like, oh, why didn't I get so angry? Or, why did this person do what they, why did they get angry at me? You can go back and replay. Now you have a model for understanding what happened and, and for knowing what was at the source of it all.

David Pasqualone: Which, yeah, it makes total sense. I mean, 'cause like in the moment, I can say honestly. I did not consciously touch him or move him. I didn't even realize I did it until he said, so I moved the grown man six feet that way. I moved my girlfriend four feet this way to bring her to safety. And I didn't even realize I touched him until he said, why did you push me?[01:00:00] 

Dr. Mort Orman: And, and again, your brain filtered that out. Yeah. Even though it was very real. Right? Yeah. Your brain wouldn't let, wouldn't let you see it until he gave you the feedback that, that it happened. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. I didn't, I truly didn't recognize I pushed him and I, but then my next thought was here. That's the whole 

Dr. Mort Orman: thing that we're, that's the whole thing we're talking about today is how easily our brain filters out real world events, what really happens and doesn't allow us to see exactly what happened.

It gives us a false image a lot of the times of what went on. And that's what we get. Our emotions are, are related to. Yeah. You know, 

David Pasqualone: and as a doctor, I mean, I think it's safe to say universally, I don't care what culture you're from, I don't care what. You know, even political agenda you have the human mind is the least understood part of a human.

Correct, 

Dr. Mort Orman: correct. It's very complex. It, it, uh, so many things go on and even I tell you, even brain researchers, even the [01:01:00] breast best brain researchers don't understand it. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. I mean, like you have the heart. Nobody really understands God's creation. There's so many layers of, millions of layers of complexity, but out of every single part of us, the brain is the least understood.

Right. 

Dr. Mort Orman: It is. Well, uh, it's pretty poorly understood. I mean, we know we've learned a lot and, and all kinds of discoveries have been made, but it's like, you know, it's like maybe we understand 10% of what's really going on and then we still have more to discover and more to discover. 'cause it's so complex and it's so inter interconnected and there's so many billions of nerve cells, uh, in our brains all doing things simultaneously and connected and intertwined and hormones running around and transmitters running around and all it, it's like almost impossible to figure out exactly what's going on.

But we're getting bits and pieces of, of some of the processes. Uh, but we definitely know the filtering goes on all the time because again, there's just, you know, mathematically there's too many [01:02:00] data bits coming in to our census for our. Our brain to compute everything. So it's got to, it's got to, uh, cut out some of that signal, um, so that it can, you know, give us stuff to work with so we can make decisions and survive in life and be successful.

What we wanna accomplish. So we know the brain has, is doing that. It has to do it. Um, and, uh, it, it is just very complex in how it does what it does. And, and, and, you know, there, there's all every day, there's not every day, but you know, every month or so there's a new discoveries being made about how the brain does what it does, which is quite fascinating, you know?

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And it affects so much of our lives. Like, I know for me, I have no medical issues. Nothing physiologically wrong with me, but I have to keep an eye eye on my blood pressure. 'cause when I get under stress, I'm working, or pressure, it's like you said at the beginning, it was self-inflicted pressure.

Nobody else is putting it on me. My blood pressure go up, I calm down, my blood pressure [01:03:00] goes down. So it's all mental. It's all emotional and the, but the brain controls that. It's so interesting. Yeah. Now, before we transition to where Dr. Mortis today, where are you heading next? How can we help you now that you've helped us and how people can get ahold of you, is there anything between your birth and today, Dr.

Mor, that we missed? Or any other thoughts you want to share with our audience? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yes. You missed a lot. You missed a lot. Is there something you want 

David Pasqualone: to share or go through? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Uh, no, no. I'm just being facetious. Yeah. Um, obviously there's so many things that happens in, in a person's life, you know, that unless you're living it there with them every second, you're not gonna be attuned to.

But, um, so yeah, there are a lot of things that have happened in my life. A lot of great things that have happened in my life. Um, my wife, my wife and I just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary, for example. 

David Pasqualone: Amen. Congratulations. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Which would, which I guarantee you would not have happened had I not understood these three filters 40 years ago and was able to get rid of a lot of my anger before I met her.

Um, 'cause like I said, all my relationships prior to that had failed miserably. [01:04:00] And that was a big turning point for me, uh, relationship wise. So, um, that was a big thing. Um, and, uh, yeah, so, you know, I've had a lot of great things happen. I've had a lot of accomplishments, uh, professionally and personally that, that I'm very happy about.

So, yeah. 

David Pasqualone: Awesome. So if someone wants to get ahold of you or learn more, where's the best place for them to visit? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Uh, best places to go to my website, which is do orman.com. 

David Pasqualone: Okay. 

Dr. Mort Orman: And if you wanna learn more about anger, I have a, a free handout called the Best Anger Elimination Method you can find, which is talking, goes into more depth about what we've been talking about today.

And you can get that@theangersolution.org. 

David Pasqualone: Okay. And we'll put links in the show notes to all of these. Okay. That way our listeners can make sure they're, they're getting the offers and the website. Right. So whether you're listening to us in a podcast player or Rumble, just check out the show notes, ladies and gentlemen.[01:05:00] 

Dr. Mort Orman: And in terms of what's, uh, what things I'm, uh, gonna be doing next. I've got three books coming out shortly on How to Cure Road Rage. 

David Pasqualone: Oh, that's funny. We were talking about that, right? 

Dr. Mort Orman: Yeah. I'm talking about the, you know, the really big road rage. So there's, it's, it's, it's really, it's a, it's similar, three similar books, but one is targeted toward young drivers.

We're just getting started. One's targeted towards parents who are concerned about the effect of their road rage on their kids, that they're transporting around with them all day long. And the third one is for, uh, professional drivers and commuters who are on the road, uh, uh, many hours a day. So, um, but same basic principles in each book, but it's kind of geared towards those three different audiences.

David Pasqualone: Awesome. Well, it has been an honor to spend some time with you today and learn, and to challenge our brains and to take those three thoughts and to start applying 'em to our lives. Right, because knowledge without application means nothing. So we gotta make sure we're applying what God's. And remember, you 

Dr. Mort Orman: only, you only need [01:06:00] six words to write down.

Six words to remember these three filters. Bad, wrong, negative, impact, unilateral blame. Those are the three filters that cause anger. And you now have, if you've been listening to this broadcast and you, and you write down those three filters, anytime you get angry or anytime anybody around you gets angry and you pull out that card or that sticky note or, or whatever, you will now have x-ray vision into what's going on in their brain that's making them angry.

And it'll be valid every time. Awesome. If they're angry. 

David Pasqualone: All right. Well ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us with this episode. Reach out to Dr. Mort, get that book and have, you know, ask him questions. Uh, check out his books and visit the website. I. Stay in touch with them. Share this with your family and friends who, [01:07:00] you know, it's kind of touchy if they have anger issues, right?

It might make 'em more angry to send 'em an episode about anger, but if you send it with the right spirit and love, hopefully they'll accept it. And, uh, if you're like me, I'm definitely carrying around anger and it's not that I want, I just haven't figured out how to shake it free. So I'm gonna keep praying to God, keep going to my Bible and check up more of Dr.

Mort's information. So thank you, sir for being here today. 

Dr. Mort Orman: Uh, it's been my pleasure. Thank you. Um, you did a great interview. Thanks. 

David Pasqualone: Oh, thank you. And ladies and gentlemen, we love you. Share this with your friends and family. Not so we're yet even bigger and more famous, but, so we can help people, you know, their podcast.

Listen, do repeat for life. Listen to what Dr. Mort said. That's good. Repeat it each day in your life so you can have a great life in this world. But most importantly, an attorney to come. So I'm David Pascal alone. This was our remarkable guest, Dr. Mort Orman, and we will see you in the next episode. Cia. 

Epic Voice Guy: The [01:08:00] Remarkable People Podcast, check it out,

the Remarkable People Podcast. Listen, do Repeat for Life,

the Remarkable People Podcast.