Rebeccah Silence | The Courage to Heal, Breaking Generational Patterns, & Letting Your Best be Good Enough

“It’s not your job to fix or heal anyone, but it’s your job to break the silence.” or “We attract what hasn’t been healed yet.”  ~ Rebeccah Silence

Guest Bio: Rebeccah Silence is not just changing lives; she’s redefining family happiness for audiences around the world. As an award winning author, coach and media personality, her mission is clear and deeply achievable: to ensure every child grows up with healed, joyful parents, and every couple discovers a love that’s not just sustainable but blissfully transformative. Through her unparalleled expertise in healing generational trauma, Rebeccah turns the dream of a harmonious, love-filled home into an accessible everyday reality. Her own story of resilience and triumph and 16 years of success stories assures you that profound, lasting happiness isn’t just possible – it’s within reach. Learn more about her transformative work at rebeccahsilence.com.

SHOW NOTES: 

• Website: https://rebeccahsilence.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccahsilence
• LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/rebeccahsilence/
• Her YouTube Channel

REMARKABLE LISTENER SPECIAL OFFER(S):

• REMARKABLE OFFER 1: Enjoy saving 30% to 80% on EVERYTHING you order at MyPillow.com with Free Promo Code, “REMARKABLE“. Yes, that’s right! Use the best MyPillow promo code out there to save a ton of money on all 250+ quality, comfortable, cozy home goods at MyPillow.com/Remarkable. From sheets, to blankets, to pillows, to mattress toppers, be ready to sleep better and live more comfortably than you ever have before!
• REMARKABLE OFFER 2: This FREE masterclass, “3 Must Know Secrets To Heal And Save Your Family,” from Rebeccah is your key to unlocking deeper, more meaningful connections as a leader and within your family. 

THE NOT-SO-FINE-PRINT DISCLAIMER: 

While we are very thankful for all of our guests, please understand that we do not necessarily hold or endorse the same beliefs, views, and positions that they may have. We respectfully agree to disagree

Transcript

Rebeccah Silence | The Courage to Heal, Breaking Generational Patterns, & Letting Your Best be Good Enough

David Pasqualone: Hello, friend. Welcome to this week's episode of The Remarkable People Podcast, the Rebeccahh Silent Story. Listen, these are the intros that pain me to create because the episode is so good and so powerful and has so much helpful information that I know if you listen to it. It will benefit your life and those you love, you just gotta listen.

But how do I communicate that to you? Right. So Rebeccahh is an author, she's a radio host, she's a licensed therapist. She has years of success. Not just experience, and she talks to us today about her life journey of abuse and dysfunction, and how she found healing and how generational cycles can be broken, and how she can start basically trusting herself and she can start helping others.

Have a better life, reframed free from the [00:01:00] chaos and not under this pressure and burden of lies. We talk about narcissism and sociopaths. We talk about what it looks like for someone to truly be repentant, right? Because we don't wanna let people in who are faking it, and they just mess with your brain and it hurts you more.

So this episode is packed. I'm telling you, pact with powerful information you can use to better your life and to share with those you love. And even if you had an idyllic life, it might help you to realize, wow, those people around me are throwing up some really major red flags. Jesus says to love God and love others as thyself.

This might be the catalyst you need to wake up in some areas emotionally, spiritually, and really be able to pour in other people's lives. So I can't say enough about this episode. You're just gonna have to check it out with our remarkable friend, Rebeccahh. [00:02:00] Silence.  

Hey Rebeccahh, how are you today?

Rebeccah Louise Silence: I'm so excited, David, to be here and for a life conver life changing conversation with you. 

David Pasqualone: Amen. Amen. I just told our listeners a little bit about what to expect in this episode and how it can change their lives and the lives of those they love. So if you were to summarize, we're gonna talk a lot. The good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty ugly of your past, right?

What made you the woman you are today, but if you were to kind of promise our listeners that if you stick through this episode, you're gonna get this information that if you apply it will change your life. What is that message, Rebeccahh? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: My number one message is healing is possible for you, and you're gonna believe that if I've done my job by the end of this episode.

What I mean by healing is freedom and trauma doesn't have to mean less of a life. No one is immune to trauma. I [00:03:00] define trauma as heartbreak, and you're gonna know not only that healing is possible for you, but also that you get to have a hundred percent of the love you want in this lifetime. I think nobody answers the question, what do you wanna be when you grow up?

Honestly, I think the honest answer is loved and we try to focus on everything but that in so many ways. And I want love to be your day to day, and I want you to get a hundred percent of the love you want, and by the time we're done. You're gonna know how. And finally, those of you with kids or kids in your life that are precious to you, I want you to understand that they can have you as a healed parent or a healed adult in their world.

We need more healed difference makers on the planet now, more than ever. The world needs you healed, making [00:04:00] your difference, especially for the kids in your life. So we're going to all these places today. 

David Pasqualone: Awesome. So ladies and gentlemen, you just heard straight from Rebeccahh. We're gonna talk about overcoming trauma.

We're gonna both talk about healing, we're gonna talk about love and just living a victorious Christian life. So we're gonna have a short affiliate commercial. Then come back with our friend Rebeccahh. Silence.  

Mike LIndell: I hear every day about the products you all wish my pillow carried. Well, guess what we probably do. Slippers, bathrobes, pet beds, blankets, mattresses, sleepwear, loungewear, duvets, comforters, pot holders, aprons, oven, mats, and so much more, and they're all on sale. For example, get our bestselling standard. My pillows for only 1498 body pillows, 29 98.

Six piece bath towels or kitchen towel sets, just 29 98. Multi-use MyPillow, two point ohs with [00:05:00] pillowcase. 9 98, save $40 on our spring per Kalin. Giza Dream Bedsheet sets any size, any color, and so much more. So go to mypillow.com or call the number on your screen. Use your promo code to save up to 80% on all MyPillow products.

And I've never done this before. When you spend a hundred dollars or more, you're gonna get two standard. My pillows absolutely free.    

David Pasqualone: Alright, welcome back ladies and gentlemen.

So, Rebeccahh, you're clearly passionate about what you believe and you help people with your life and you're gonna help us today. How did you get to this? Where did your life start? Just start from birth and we'll work through towards today. 'cause all of us, I'm [00:06:00] sure can connect with different pieces or a lot of your journey.

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah, I Today I am the space where healing is possible. I believe there's no trauma that means less of a life. And I'm someone today who's learned how to use trauma to my advantage. And I've taught over a thousand in my private BIP practice and over a million now in my media reach how to understand using trauma to their advantage as well.

And it started with me growing up in domestic violence and in an alcoholic home where there was every kind of abuse imaginable. And I believed that if I was silent, I wouldn't make things worse. And I think even at a very young age, I knew love was the answer and there had to be a better way. And I tried to be as loving as I could to everyone else, but I was [00:07:00] only as loving towards me.

Is those caring for me? We're loving towards me. And see, that's something you may or may not understand is happening in your world world too. At first, we can't love ourselves better, then we're loved. And the adults that are innocently doing the best they can, caring for us, are typically not loving themselves better than they were loved.

And this is where generational trauma cycles begin and get passed on. So that's where it all began, David. 

David Pasqualone: Okay. And then to go into this, so now you're in a home where there's forms of abuse and you can go as deep or shallow as you want in that, and then you're growing up in your teens because we learn behavior, because we're looking up to our parents or guardians, the people around us for a model, and it's dysfunctional.

What was your teens like? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Really hard [00:08:00] and really painful where I was trying to find love outside of myself, but kept creating that in the same way I was experiencing it at home. And what we learn about love is all the ingredients going on in the family of origin, we start to believe our normal and our love.

So in my teen years, because I was being verbally abused so often and mentally abused so often, and physically abused and emotionally abused and there was sexually abused in my childhood as well. I just thought abuse was love. So it was one of those things where I wanted it more than anything, but I didn't know that abuse wasn't love.

I just thought the two went together like peanut butter and jelly. So I was very much thinking, again, I had to be more and better and [00:09:00] different, and love harder for people to behave better. But I thought their behavior was a direct reflection of me. I thought when things were going well, that's because I was doing it right, doing the right thing, loving them the way they would need to, to be good to me when they were off.

I completely took over responsibility for that, just like I did. Growing up and you know, my first 14-year-old love, I ended up being date raped. And I just thought, well, this is my boyfriend, so that's not abuse, right? It was very, very, very confusing is the truth in my teens and I did a lot of stage work in every play theater company I could get my hands on.

I was singing in multiple groups, singing all over the country. I was swimming and skiing and trying to escape the pain. And [00:10:00] what I loved was I got to on stage, be free and fully expressed and alive, but as soon as I got off stage, I was muting myself again. And I was only focusing on, what do I say to manipulate outcomes, but I didn't know that's what I was doing.

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And that's so common, sadly, that you become custom to a certain way of life and you don't know any better. You have no, yeah. Standard to compare it to. So you went from dysfunctional abuse to dysfunctional abuse. So was it in college? Was it after college? When did you start seeing like, hold on here.

Yeah. This isn't how the world should be. I know in my gut and my mind and my heart, this isn't right, but my everyday thought says, oh, it's me. It's my fault. When did you start seeing [00:11:00] that those were lies from Satan? That wasn't the truth. 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: I think I knew as early as seven that something's wrong here. And I work with what I call the generational healers in the family.

And when I'm talking about generational healing, I'm talking about the person in the family that sees and imagines how it could be. And often the generational healer in the family thinks something's wrong with them because nobody else seems to see the dysfunction or that this is off. And if we don't get that external validation that isn't there a better way, can't we do better as the generational healer in the family?

I've just seen it over and over again with clients in my private practice. We start to question and doubt ourselves. But I'll tell you a quick story from when I was seven and I write about it in my book, coming Back to Life, A roadmap to heal from Pain, to create the life you want as well. I had a grandmother, my dad's mom.

I really was my [00:12:00] hero. I called her nana. And Nana was the stable, steady love source in my life. And I spent many, many weekends with Nana. I didn't know when we were driving around the car, and she said it was the dancing car that she was drunk. I didn't know that she was an alcoholic and I didn't know she had a dark side.

So it went from, this is my favorite person to one day she caught me with a relative who was molesting me in her home and beat me up. And I saw this new side of her and I knew in that moment something is wrong here and I didn't do anything wrong and I don't understand. And shortly after that. My grandmother ended up drinking herself to death and died at 56 or 58.

I'm not exactly sure how old she was, but she disappeared from [00:13:00] my life, and I knew none of that made sense. None of that was okay, but I denied that truth. So now fast forward to my sophomore year of college where I am a voice performance and music therapy major, and I'm learning psychology, and I'm taking all of these courses and really wanting to help people heal in a non-threatening way with music therapy.

And I started having nightmares. I started having nightmares about specifically that 14-year-old boyfriend and realizing that was rape. I didn't consent. I kept saying no, and I started to get suicidal for the first time. And I was very scared to start to cry because I was afraid if I cry, I'm never gonna stop.

If I let myself feel this, I [00:14:00] think it's going to kill me. And I had a different boyfriend at the time and. Bless his soul. I wanted him and his love to heal me. And that's just not possible, right? Like your love can't heal the darkest corners of another person's soul or the darkest corners of their heart.

And I wanted this boyfriend to be the source of healing my pain, and I wanted very much to not see what I was seeing. I wanted it to be a dream, and it went from memories about this boyfriend to other memories about childhood. And I ended up working with my first therapist at that time and working through the workbook, the courage to heal, and it started to change my life.

And I was told either we have to put you into a hospital or you're going to need extensive therapy multiple days a week, and antidepressants, which is the route I went in the sophomore [00:15:00] year. Uh, was the hardest year of my life up until that point because I couldn't unsee where the healing was needed.

But I didn't know how to heal and I couldn't comprehend life on the other side of facing all this being better. It just felt like such a threat and it felt really heavy, but that, that was the beginning. 

David Pasqualone: So while all this is going on, did you 100% keep everything to yourself? Did you have friends you shared things with?

Was it openly known within your family? Because it's so different within each situation and Yeah. And what was yours upbringing like and teen years like? Was it, um, just everybody knew and ignored it, or did nobody know? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: That's such an interesting question, right? Because my perception isn't necessarily the facts, right?

So when we're, when we're having this conversation for all of you listening, I. You know, there's, I think, two ways to answer this question. What are the facts about what was [00:16:00] going on versus what was my perception? So the facts about what was going on is everybody was in complete denial and wanting to look the other way because my mom's even said it to me and, and we've done so much healing together, my mom and I over the years, that she's literally said to me, David, you're so brave, Rebeccahh, because you're willing to face and remember what happened to you.

I don't want to know what happened to me because I don't think I could handle it. And so, because that was my mom's way of coping, she couldn't be there more for me than she was for her. And then all of the extended family were looking the other way. I did find out later in my late twenties, I. I found out that my grandmother that I had just shared about had confronted my mom that way.

Too much sexual abuse was happening, and what was she going to do about it? My grandmother knew. I [00:17:00] didn't know anybody knew, and nobody talked about anything really in my family until I wrote and published with a major publisher coming back to life, a roadmap to heal from pain, to create the life you want.

In the fall of 2022, this book came out and then the family started talking. But up until that, there was very little conversation. My perception was. Everybody knows and nobody's doing anything about it, which just made me feel crazy and made me feel like something was wrong with me because if they weren't taking it seriously, was I just making a mountain out of a molehill?

Were these just dreams? Was this memories? I really almost wished, especially at the time, I'm still a sophomore in college, that I was misunderstanding. I wanted to be the one that was wrong. I wanted to be the one that was dysfunctional because [00:18:00] at least then maybe it would make more sense 'cause none of it made sense to me.

David Pasqualone: Yes. And forgive me if you said this, but did you have any brothers and sisters in the house? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: I had one sibling that I don't talk publicly about because her story I is her story, but I wasn't alone in it. What I will say is that I did feel a lot of responsibility to take it for the team, and I really thought for a lot of years that I was, and that commitment really, that I didn't even understand was a commitment.

And think about the commitments we make growing up. We commit to what we believe and we commit to how we're coping. And so for a lot of years in my twenties, thirties, early forties, I was still taking it for the team and not realizing it because I thought I can handle it. I don't want anybody else to have to go through this.

So that, that was a [00:19:00] belief that I shouldered that didn't serve me at all, that I didn't even know was optional. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And so, and again, I don't want you, I'm not trying to pry into an area you don't want to know. Yeah. But having two daughters in a home with molestation, what I'm thinking is, did you and your sister ever talk?

So you could say, whoa, yeah, this isn't me, both of us. You know? So you're a sophomore in college, you're struggling. Did you ever think to talk to your sister? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah. Yeah. And in the home there, there were people coming in the home that weren't family members that were also abusive. Because see, your, your parents are doing the best they can and they're a vibrational match.

Right. For what? Family and love means, and they attract people aligned with these normals that aren't necessarily normal, right? So what I will say is, yes, we've talked about things that went on and [00:20:00] what's okay and what's not okay. And we've both committed to our own paths of healing. And I look at it like it's not your job as the generational healer in the family.

And if you're listening to this episode, I'm gonna just suggest you are. And it's not your job to fix or heal anyone else, but it is your job to break the silence. So you know, you did. You can't heal another person, but you can heal and you can be available for healing conversations and then. You've gotta let the person have their own journey.

In my experience personally and after helping people heal since 2002, with the work I do as a trained therapist and a coach in private practice, everybody has their own way. But you being willing to be brave, you being willing to break the silence is the beginning of healing. And it models possibility for everyone else, right?

Because the generational healer in the [00:21:00] family isn't responsible for anybody else's healing. It's just you are responsible for modeling, getting a hundred percent of the love you want, getting a hundred percent of the life you want, and modeling next level possibility. 

David Pasqualone: Okay? Yeah. There's so much to your story and so many questions.

I kind of wanna let it run. I'm gonna probably come back, but. You're in your twenties, you're in your sophomore year at college, you're starting to see like, whoa, there's real problems, tons of unaddressed issues. And like everything in life, things get worse before it gets better. 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah. 

David Pasqualone: Okay. And like you said, I'm not a big pharmaceutical guy, but there's times in my life where I've taken pharmaceuticals short term, get off 'em.

You said in your life, you got on antidepressants, you went to intensive therapy. Take us through that journey. The good, the bad, the ugly. And looking back now, you know, you professionally do this. What are some of the things you did then, but you're like, I would do it differently. [00:22:00] Or like, man, I'm so glad we went this road, let's, let's take it through that journey.

So people struggling. Yeah. They can kinda start their journey too. 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah. I, I think what's really important is your best is enough and trust yourself because I. You know better for you than anyone else what will be healing for you. And you know, everything is a spiritual yes, please. Or a spiritual, no thank you.

In my experience, right? So at the time, I didn't know myself. I didn't trust myself. I didn't love myself. I blamed myself for everybody. I love's pain. And I was way more focused on their pain healing than my pain healing because at the time I was so codependent, I didn't think I could be okay if they weren't okay.

And I didn't understand yet. The people that care about me and that I love more than anything are committed to the experience they're having. So I would do it a lot differently. Now. [00:23:00] I teach the practice of emotional healing, which we'll get into down the road. I am not. Someone that prescribes medication or whatever, coach anyone off a medication.

But I will tell you I have like a 99.9 success percent success rate in my private practice of people going off all medications with the support of their doctor. I. You know, 'cause the problem with medication is it really masks the joy as much as it masks the pain and you get really flat. For me, I probably would've killed myself if I wasn't on antidepressants for the year I was.

But then I started talking to my doctor and talking to my therapist about, I'm not interested in being on these medications for the rest of my life, but I had to get out of the suicidality mode that I was in before I could even have that conversation because it was so severe and it was so dark, and it was so real that I wanted to die.

That we had to do whatever we could do to just get me [00:24:00] more solid so I could start really facing and moving through all of what my body, mind, and spirit had endured that wasn't okay. And when you start to understand this isn't love, this isn't normal, this ISN abuse, this isn't okay. You know, I teach my clients and my audiences.

Now, when you start to break up with survival, it feels like you're dying, but you're not. I didn't have anybody normalizing for me. You're not gonna cry forever. The dams just bursting open and I didn't have anybody teaching me. There's a huge difference between your feelings about everything going on externally and the healthy naturally occurring emotions underneath it all that you need to feel so you can heal.

Nobody was teaching me any of that, so I was very, very alone in it. I did have, you know, some friends. In college, but it was [00:25:00] very superficial. I was really stoic. I was really trying to not make anybody else carry my emotional burden, and I put all the pressure on my boyfriend, if I'm really honest. And he was the only one that I was honest with at the time.

And the team of therapists that I had. And I was only as honest with them as I was ready to be honest, I, I wasn't. People read my book now. It's won top self-love, top self-worth awards for books in the world. I've won in 2022, top emotional health coach in the world. I didn't have this roadmap. I didn't have these tools yet, but I knew I wanted to beat my past and I knew I didn't want my past to win, but I also didn't wanna talk about it yet.

That came much later. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And one of the things I was gonna ask you is what you mentioned about your boyfriend. So a lot of times, especially with codependency is such a [00:26:00] thrown around term, right? It's like narcissist it, it's, they're a real narcissist. They're a real sociopaths, but people don't really understand it.

It's like when people make jokes about OCD, they're like, oh, I'm particular, I got OCD. No, you don't. Somebody with CD has real issues, so I wanna be careful with these terms. But when you are truly a codependent, which it sounds like you were, a lot of times, you go to the abuser looking for guidance during your worst lows, even though they're the ones that put you there.

So when you are going through this, your sophomore year, did you open up to your mom, your dad, your grandmother, your friends, your sister? Or did you s keep it compartmentalized with just your therapist and your boyfriend? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: I really kept it compartmentalized. I tried with my family, but they weren't ready to heal yet.

David Pasqualone: So, so you did try though, like you I 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: tried, but when I say I tried my a hundred percent then would be like my 0.001% now. Right. Like I didn't, [00:27:00] I, I made an attempt, but very passive aggressively. 

David Pasqualone: Gotcha. 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah. Right. Like I, I, I really wanted to have conversation with them and, you know, to my parents' credit, they did get me in therapy.

They did support me in my healing journey to the best of their ability. They weren't. Ignorant to the fact that I was suicidal. They weren't ignorant to the fact that I was clinically depressed and in really deep emotional hot water, but they just, they couldn't, they couldn't be who I needed them to be, and I knew that, and I really didn't try that hard at that time.

Later on, both of my parents came to personal growth retreats with me that I was involved with, and they've both tried to do deeper work and way more conversation has happened later on. But at this point, it was just me, my therapists, and my [00:28:00] boyfriend carrying the weight. And I will just educate a little bit what I've learned because again, I have a unique background.

I'm a trained therapist, had a 4.0 master's degree in counseling, grade point average. What I learned a little later on, because I graduated. At 21 with my music therapy certification moved to Denver, Colorado to work at the state psych hospital as a music therapy intern. And I lived on the grounds of the state psych hospital for six months and I learned a lot because I had had my own bout with depression.

I had had eating disorders, I was abusing alcohol. I understood so much, but understanding trauma isn't enough to heal it. I was working at the state psych hospital and I realized these people aren't crazy. They don't have any ability to cope with their emotions, with their environment, and it's actually safer at the hospital for them than it is out in the world.

And I [00:29:00] decided at 21 years old, I was gonna become an expert in human behavior and figure it out, which is what led me to getting a master's degree and a 4.0 grade point average. But even all of that education and the beginning of all of my clinical experience, I ended up in my own domestic violence marriage.

And that's how I ended up with the last name Silence. That was my first husband's name. And I didn't know how committed to silence I was yet, and I didn't know that you can understand trauma all day long. But it's not enough to break the pattern and break the cycle. So it was at the point where I'm finding myself now educated and in a domestic violence marriage with a 2-year-old, that everything really started to change for me, and I began becoming Rebeccahh Silence.

And I've kept the name because I love who I've [00:30:00] become. I had to get out of this marriage and be completely shattered and leveled, lose everything, lose the marriage, lose the house, go bankrupt and find a way to take care of this little girl coming from a family system where no women in the family financially could take care of themselves, none of 'em.

And so I didn't think I'd be able to take care of us either at the time. But that was the beginning of Rebeccahh becoming Rebeccahh. Rebeccahh really starting to heal in the beginning of the rest of my life. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And for our listeners, if you've experienced it, you know exactly what Rebeccahh's talking about.

And sadly, there's too many of us. Right. But if you haven't, it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, if all you knew in your childhood is brokenness and dysfunction and manipulation, whether you liked it or not, you are somehow drawn to it. And maybe Rebeccahh can [00:31:00] expound and explain it. Mm-hmm. But it's like, what's that saying?

The evil, you know is better than the evil you don't know. Yeah. Or, or maybe like as a child, stick with 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: the devil, you know? 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. Yeah. And go, screw the devil. I wanna step on his head. But when it comes to, I'll just 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: blow him kisses and say, pick someone else. 'cause Nope, not today. Oh, no, 

David Pasqualone: no, no. In Romans at the end it says we get to step on his head or, or, um, Jesus does.

But I get hope, I get a kick at least. Um, but no, when it comes to a child trying to process things. A lot of times like you and like me, they feel like it's their fault. So they try to win the approval and they can't win it of their father or mother. So then they get a husband or a wife and they try to win it, and they're just as abusive or worse.

So when did you realize that the husband you married was part of the model? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Well, I realized it on one really dark, terrible night [00:32:00] where he went after the 2-year-old, not to hit her, but he was wasted and he was gonna take her with him because I was saying, you can't be here right now. And he was gonna take her with him.

And that's when everything changed for me because I knew in that moment, something is wrong with you, Rebeccahh, that it's like, you're okay taking this, but now that your daughter's at risk, you're ready to get out of this. I, I wasn't. Probably ever gonna leave for me. But I refused to be a mother that kept my daughter in an environment like the one I grew up in.

And I'll tell you, I thought I was the best actress. I thought nobody knew how bad it was in my house. I told my book club, I was in trouble and I needed help. And when none of them were surprised, I almost fell outta my chair. And within a week, 40 [00:33:00] people showed up at my doorstep to move my daughter and I into a little apartment.

Four hours after getting us to the apartment window, treatments were hung, dishes were in the cabinets, all the clothes were hung. My friends, this beautiful book club, rallied and got a whole army to get my daughter and I into safety. My ex-husband never, I. Argued with me getting custody and basically gave his rights up at that time when my daughter was two and the beginning of the rest of my life began.

But, but let's educate people on codependence and abuse cycles for a second, because I don't know if anybody's gonna teach it this way. And I think this is what. 20-year-old Rebeccahh needed, this is what 7-year-old Rebeccahh needed to understand and hear that it, it took me decades. And I spend six figures a year for almost 15 years on my personal growth to [00:34:00] have this information.

So let me give you the fast track so you don't have to learn the hard way, and you don't have to just try to understand more because again, understanding more doesn't break a cycle, right? So here's what codependence is. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. And before you go on, yeah, this is very important, ladies and gentlemen. 'cause even if you have a healthy, balanced relationship, you might be a completely oblivious to real pain and danger around you.

So when you hear the term codependency, again, codependency, narcissist, sociopath, there's so many words that are thrown around. Every day. And even some counselors don't really know what they mean. They literally don't know what they mean. They're, they're completely, that's completely very true. Completely unaware of what it means.

Very true. So when Rebeccahh explains codependency, think about it, pray about it, research it more, and see if you know anybody that has some red flags going up. So you can either help yourself and your family or other people around you. Go ahead, Rebeccahh. I don't wanna cut you off, but I don't want, I appreciate 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: that 

David Pasqualone: [00:35:00] blowing through another, 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: because it, even if you don't think it applies to you, right?

We all make an impact and have a ripple effect. And I had so many adults around me growing up that I'm not their kid. So it's not their problem or they're not even paying attention. Right. So I, I do really appreciate that point. So, codependence, okay. In relationship, there's you. There's them, and then there's this US factor, right?

So what I teach is healthy is my ideal partnership model. One plus one equals three, meaning there's me, a hundred percent me with my own vision for my life, my own values, my own north star, my own direction. I'm responsible for my intentions, my actions, whether or not I'm empowered, disempowered in fear and survival, or aligned and authentic.

There's the other person, all that's true for them too. And then [00:36:00] 50 50. We co-create and we create a relationship as our most healed selves, ideally, right? That's the ultimate goal. Where we wanna be codependence is there's me, there's you, there's us, and now we're all enmeshed. So I am a hundred percent focused on you and how you feel and what you need and what you want.

And I can't be happy if you're not happy and you can't be happy If I'm not happy and we've lost our individuality and we've lost our independence, and now we've just become one and we're suffocated and we're suffocating each other to death. And even in traditional marriage vows, it talks about compromise in love and relationship is the way, and we lose ourselves and we don't even know we did because we think that's what love is.

So codependence is you completely adapting and morphing into. This relationship has become your [00:37:00] identity. Instead of you have your own identity that you bring into the relationship, and you want the other person to be free and have their own identity and their own path, and they bring that to the relationship.

And now we co-create this third entity called the relationship together as the most healed versions of ourselves. So that's Codependence. Depression is you've shut down your naturally occurring healthy emotions. And in the practice of emotional healing, what I teach is there's only five. There's five human emotions.

Everything else is learned. Everything else is how we're coping. And it's your feelings about what's going on. So anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement, anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement at. The end of the healing, you've fully expressed yourself [00:38:00] emotionally. You have moved through whatever naturally occurring emotion is present.

That's just your emotional weather. It's not because of the situation. The other person is never the problem, right? Depression is you've shut down anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement. At least one, if not all. Anxiety is you're rejecting those emotions and your truth. So they're real, they're chemical. There's very much diagnosis and very real mental illness.

But in almost every case, when you understand the practice of emotional healing, you don't need the medication and you don't need the school of hard knocks, and you definitely don't need the situation to change, for you to be okay. So that's depression and anxiety. And now the next thing I wanna teach is the anatomy of an abuse cycle, because this is really the [00:39:00] heart of what I want every adult on the planet to understand, because at the end of the day, my mission is that kids have healed parents.

My mission is that kids grow up supported in being who they are, not who they're expected to be. And I want the adults in these kids' lives to not be threatened by their kids' emotions because they're threatened by their own. But if you don't understand the anatomy of an abuse cycle, you're mistakenly and innocently manipulating your kids so that they don't make you uncomfortable.

That is not healthy. So in the anatomy of an abuse cycle, we've all heard the terminology fight, flight, freeze. We talk a lot more about fight flight than we do about the freeze. But either you're sourcing in the moment from fight, flight, freeze, or you're healed. And that fourth option is the one we don't talk enough [00:40:00] about.

And we talk about mental health, but it's so much more because you can't understand and heal mental understanding and mental health doesn't change how you feel. So we've got to be able to identify, alright, if there's an abuse cycle going on or a trauma, you either defaulted to fight. Nobody gets to do this to me, freeze.

I don't ever wanna be the one that does the harm. I am just gonna freeze or flight where you dissociate, you escape. You try to change and save the other person so that maybe someday it'll be your turn, fight, flight, freeze, otherwise known as Carman's. Drama triangle. Victim persecutor. Rescuer. The freeze is a victim consciousness.

I teach this a little bit differently. Because it's not about a role you're playing, [00:41:00] it's about your consciousness. It's about where you are vibrationally and energetically. So the person that defaults to freeze doesn't wanna ever do harm again, and they're in a victim consciousness. So they don't ever have to be the one in fight that's doing the persecution or the perpetration.

And typically in an abuse cycle, we unconsciously decided to be one or the other. So my abusers never wanted to be a victim again, and every abuser was abused, period. End of story. It doesn't give them a free pass, but we think the abuser has more power over the victim, and that's not actually true. In my experience.

The persecutor or the perp is just as powerless as the victim and we're, we're just all trying to powerlessly take our power back and then there's someone typically rescuing the situation. So it continues [00:42:00] otherwise known as the flight role. So I'm not making it okay for the person doing the harm to have a free pass, but I've coached as many perps as I have victims into ultimate healing and cycle breaking, and they never are happy with themselves or liking themselves.

They just don't know how to get to that healed place outside of the fight, flight, freeze. 

David Pasqualone: And here's an interesting question. You and I haven't spoken beforehand, and you just brought this up, when the perpetrator is truly sorry and broken, what are some of the common, I don't wanna say signs, but the common behaviors and attitudes of someone who's truly broken verse faking.

Because when people are hurting and when they have, yeah. Functional relationship, they're ultra vulnerable to these sociopaths and narcissists. [00:43:00] What does true brokenness look like in your experience? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Well, first of all, can we just call it true remorse? Because I'm adamant that people aren't broken. Our hearts are broken.

We're not, so, I don't believe they're broken. But what I am, what I'm hearing, is one of the most brilliant questions anybody's ever asked me in an interview here, because there is a massive distinction between. Is this person sourcing from wanting to be as healed as possible for the people in their life?

Or are they playing a game and trying to turn the tables and make themselves the victim so they don't have to take accountability or be responsible for their impact because it's one or the other, right? Like there's either true remorse and I want to be healed and I want to make a healed impact. Or I want to manipulate you and gaslight you into thinking that I care and I'm sorry, [00:44:00] and now I'm making myself the victim so you feel bad.

So I don't have to deal with the impact I had on you 'cause it's one or the other. Right? And what I've seen. If somebody hires me, they wanna heal because I'm not an easy coach. I will change your life so freaking fast. There's not one case I haven't cracked since 2002. In my private practice. We get to the root of the pattern.

We get to the stuck age, we get to the stuck emotion, and we make a new commitment and we make, for lack of a better way to say it, amends. We repair and we reinvent if you're working with me. So if you care about making a healed impact, I would be a great coach for you. Now, how do you know if the person in front of you is manipulating you and making themselves the victim gaslighting you so you feel crazy or it's genuine?

Couple things I would say are the [00:45:00] primary indicators that I've seen overall my years of clinical experience. So number one. The healed person is asking something to the effect of, how do I make this right with you? The person that really doesn't give a shit about you and their impact on you is never gonna ask you, how can I make this right?

What do you need from me now? Can you ever forgive me? The second indicator, I would say the healed person is willing to give you the time and the space to recover from what happened and to heal, and they're willing for you to actually do your healing because they know they're responsible for a really negative impact on you.

Now, I really believe with all my [00:46:00] heart, no one causes. Your pain. It's what you've believed about yourself and what you believe is now the way it is for you. That hurts more than anything else. And I get controversial here and I've done a ton of domestic violence podcasts and I'm always asked about what are the signs for the abuser?

And I talk about, no, what are the signs that you are losing yourself? Because that's way more in your power and control and this person can't beat you down, bring you down when you're an adult. Kids can get abused. Adults can't. When adults are getting abused, it's because they're a vibrational match for what they grew up with still, and they're at a stuck age.

So hopefully David, that answers your question. The only other thing I would say about the darker side of this, the person who's really committed to continuing to do harm, they want you where they want you. They need you to be who [00:47:00] they need you to be. They don't want you independent. They don't want you free.

They don't wanna listen to what you have to say. They don't want to hear the impact they had on you. Someone healed wants to hear their impact and they'll take it in and it's brutal, but they'll listen and they'll take it in and they'll wanna make it right. Somehow someone who isn't wanting you healed is going to keep the focus on, don't make me more upset, versus how do I make it right?

How I've done harm to you. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah, I couldn't agree more, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I want to express the people I've met that were truly sorry and repentant, they were the hardest on themselves. 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Oh my gosh, they're in a living hell because they [00:48:00] hate who they are. They've become their abuser because they don't know they could survive being a victim again.

And they were abused too, and none of it's okay. Can I quick share a quick client story I had? 

David Pasqualone: Yeah, 100%. This is a very delicate topic because there's so many people, even within Christian circles, you know, Christian means to be Christ-like, and there's a lot of people filling in churches that are not Christ-like, but they think, oh, somebody says they're sorry.

Yeah, they're sorry. They ask for forgiveness. It's okay, but you can say words and you can mean it. Those are drastically two different things, and even in the Bible, the model Jesus had, he called out the scribes and Pharisees and the liars, but people today are like, man, that that person could commit murder, rape.

They could manipulate and destroy. Everything to their own just benefit because it's what they wanted. And then they say they're sorry and put a couple tears [00:49:00] and people are like, you should forgive them. And it's like, that's not real. So I want our listeners to know what real repentance looks like. You got the Bible, you got your experience, you got your instinct that the Holy Spirit gives you, but this is your professional opinion on what you've seen.

And there's a legitimate brokenness, and not brokenness like what you're saying, but I mean broken heart. And I know in my life when I've been wrong, man, I'm the most harsh on myself. I know people have committed crimes that they're like, I need to be in prison. Yes, I'm forgiven that God forgives me. These people even forgave me, but this is the consequence of my sins, or this is the consequence of my choices.

And when people don't have that. It's fake, and that's my opinion and my history. What do you think about that before? Yeah. No, no, I agree. 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Because there are people that are so committed to power and control that they don't realize they're powerlessly taking their power back by trying to dominate other people.

See if [00:50:00] I need to dominate you to be okay, I have no power. It's an illusion of power. So the people that you wanna watch out for are the ones that want you submissive to them, and they're the ones that are all about power and control. I had a client, this is one of the most beautiful cases. I have two examples, this man.

I got a call from a lawyer client of mine who's a defense attorney, and he was saying, you gotta help my client. And I said, okay, well, if he's interested, I'll see what I can do because I don't force myself on anybody. Right? Like they have to want to heal. Right. And that's really what you're asking here is like, how do you know they want to heal and they're in the pursuit of healing?

Well, this guy called me. He had gotten blackout drunk, beat up his fiance to the point where she was unconscious and the 10-year-old twins saw and had to call 9 1 1. Brutal. This man is [00:51:00] horrified with himself wanting to give himself a life sentence of being shunned from his family for the rest of his life.

He's devastated. He's horrified. We ended up doing an intensive year of work realizing, alright, here's where we had extreme trauma in his childhood. Here's where he was sexually molested in foster care, abandoned by his own biological parents because they were addicts. He had never wanted to become this quote monster that he became and was identifying as, but again, he couldn't handle the idea of being abused anymore and being the victim, but he didn't know any of this.

My work is so unconscious, bringing the unconscious to the light, turning the lights on in the dark. So he did all this work. He got sober, he did his jail time. He, I worked with the judges, the lawyers, and. [00:52:00] Actually got the point, this client, to the point where now we can start working with the fiance and the kids all separately and then bring everybody back together.

And the fiance had our own childhood abuse. And in my couple's work, which is so near and dear to my heart, what happens is we attract what we haven't healed yet. So. The fiance had her own healing to do that, had nothing to do with her fiance, her childhood abuse, just like in my first marriage was being reactivated and reenacted, just like this man's childhood abuse was being reactivated and reenacted.

And we at first attract what we haven't healed yet. So all relationships are for our soul's evolution to help us heal so we can have all of the love we want, and a whole next level experience of intimacy beyond the abuse we grew up with. And I don't think anybody's immune to trauma trauma's, heartbreak, [00:53:00] and everyone's been heartbroken.

But where we ended up with this beautiful family is the kids got to process and heal emotionally. In real time. They didn't have to wait until their twenties, thirties, forties to find a therapist in the exact time in their childhoods this was happening. They got to work with me one-on-one. They got to learn it wasn't their fault.

They got to learn how to express their emotions in a healthy way. They got to learn how to break the silence fearlessly, how to communicate what they needed, what they wanted, how they felt. And then I taught this couple how to create healthy, healed love while healing both of their childhood traumas at the same time.

And it, it, it moves me to this day, gives me goosebumps everywhere thinking about the courage it took, particularly for this man to say yes to healing. Because the abuser is typically the sun, moon, and the stars in the family, and everybody's life revolves around them. [00:54:00] Are they having a good day? Are they having a bad day?

Everything is about the abuser. And this man took responsibility. Got sober, stayed sober, created a company, provides for his family beautifully. And to this day, I'm still in touch and the family is thriving and the kids got to process in real time. I had another case where I got a call. I've been on the radio for over 14 years in upstate New York where I grew up and I got a call from a caseworker.

We have this girl in residential treatment. She just stabbed a staff member in the eye with a fork. She's been suicidal multiple times in the last two years. 12 therapists in the last two years. No one can help her, can you? All we did was face the childhood trauma she had been through that she thought would kill her if she dealt with it.

Took her power back in a healthy way. I was able to train all the staff at the residential treatment facility, create a new [00:55:00] treatment plan. I'll be honest, David, they all looked at me like, who are you little girl and how are you gonna teach us anything? That girl is now on the board of the residential treatment facility.

She got out, essentially had a life sentence to live there for the rest of her life. She wrote a book, she's on the board. She gives speeches. People don't know. All we have to actually do to heal is heal the inner child for real with the focus on where we wanna take our lives. We've gotta learn how to use that trauma to our advantage.

Those two stories of some very seemingly on paper, dangerous individuals that wanted to heal, they just didn't know how and they didn't believe it was possible to heal are remarkable in my, in my clinical experience and their case studies of possibility and hope and strength and families got saved. 

David Pasqualone: Oh, that's awesome.

Now I'm gonna ask you a couple hard questions. I. [00:56:00] Hard realities, but this is important. And we'll explain why. That first scenario with the husband and the wife and the girls start to finish, how long would you say that took? Roughly? A 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: year and a half before they were back in the same house together? 

David Pasqualone: Yeah.

A year and a half. And roughly, I, I know it's hard and d people charge different things, but that took a significant amount of money, correct? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yes. 

David Pasqualone: Okay. We're we're just being real here. And if you're listening to this, you know it, it's a lot easier to get help when you have money. Money's not the main thing, but money's a tool.

And money makes things easier. If you're out there and you have money, okay, it's gonna cost X dollars, it's gonna take a year and a half of your life, but then you have generations to come of healing. Yeah. But now you have families. Who don't have the money [00:57:00] to pay $150 a session, four people once a week, twice a week, three times a week, whatever it takes.

There's grants out there. There's different, you know, supports like financial support. Look for them. Do what you can pray, ask God for, you know, provide. Um, because it's not just pain. Go to a counselor. You gotta have the right counselor and you gotta make sure you're doing, and not just showing up, but it's worth it.

And if you have to sacrifice, okay, my family gets therapy, but I gotta work 20 more hours a week. It sucks for a couple years. But long term, you're gonna have fruit for generations to come. That's how I feel. Rebeccahh, what's your opinion on that? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Amen. Amen. Amen. And I, you know, we haven't even gotten to the craziest part of my story yet, where I got cancer and had a 5% chance to live, and all of the practice of emotional healing really gelled and came together.

[00:58:00] But post-cancer, I wrote coming back to life, a roadmap to heal from pain, to create the life you want that has exercises, that has steps to help you find your way. I produced a course that is $599 called the Emotional Survival Kit. That's the best of what I've got and the best of what I do. I've got a YouTube channel, the Rebeccahh Silence YouTube channel with almost 800 videos on it over the years.

So. I do agree, David, that yes, if you hire me directly, it's a significant investment, especially in 2025 and beyond because I'm taking the best of therapy, the best of coaching, and I'm giving you a custom personalized experience and the fast track to heal as fast as possible. But I wanted to create products so that I was accessible and the practice of emotional healing was accessible to everyone.

And if you're stressed and struggling with like finding the right support, I want you to pray about that more than anything, whether it's me or not, the people [00:59:00] that want to heal will find a way. I was dead broke. I had to go bankrupt after getting outta that domestic violence marriage. I had no money, but I was unwilling to be an unhealed mother for my child.

She was the carrot, she was the catalyst. I didn't have the confidence yet to heal for me. That I had a child that I wasn't gonna pass on all of this shit to as much as I could help it. I ended up, here's how I ended up getting started with the right healing for me ultimately, and the right coaching mentors.

I figured out if I helped fill my mentors retreats, I would not only get the work for free, but I'd get a commission. There are ways I don't to this day know how I figured it out. I remember praying for it 'cause I wanted to do this high events ropes course seminar and I'm like 27 years old, you know, getting divorced [01:00:00] and completely financially wrecked.

And I needed $3,000 to do this event. And I figured out if I got three people to go to the event, I could go for $300. And one day in the mail I get a check from Denver Public Schools, the previous school district that I had worked for, for exactly $3,000. It was retirement money that they gave me back that I still don't know how that all happened, that that money left that retirement account and came to me.

But I figured it out two different ways. Just like that. So now I didn't need to use this great grant for the seminar. I had a savings account. If you're committed to the healing, God will be the source and provide the way. I am a perfectly beautiful living example of it. When I first hired one of my mentors, Brendan Burchard, because I wanted to figure out after cancer how to help as many people as possible with [01:01:00] the time I had left, 'cause they only gave me a 5% chance to live.

I didn't have any money to do his high ticket mastermind, but I had the credit, I had a 0% credit card. I financed with a two year payoff that I was able to pay off in four months because I started making money so fast. After committing to that, you will be shown, you will be guided, and I don't want you burdening yourself financially.

I won't take clients that, you know, the finances are a burden in the private practice. I don't get into people's business. I don't get into their pocketbooks, but I don't want coaching to ever be a burden. I always want it to be a blessing. Right. But I, I'm just telling you, I've seen people find a way. And find the right support for them.

And traditional therapy is great, but it's trying to help you heal emotions through the mind. And in so many cases, therapists are trained to help you cope. They're not trained to help you get to the root of the issue and actually heal the generational trauma pattern and [01:02:00] cycle you've absorbed and inherited.

That isn't meant for you. It's meant for you to break it, especially if you've come this far with us on this show. 

David Pasqualone: Yeah. So now let, let's go, let's wrap this all together 'cause I think Awesome information. You're married. Yeah. You have your daughter, husband comes home or there's issues. Take us from there to today, how you actually made that click and then the cancer and the first marriage.

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah. So I. The timeline of events is I got out of the marriage. My book club helped me get into this apartment. I had to go bankrupt. I had to advocate with my lawyer to have full custody and an arrangement in the custody agreement where I had in-state or out of state I could leave the state. To this day, I just think that was God, 'cause I didn't have a voice yet.

Um, but I had the courage [01:03:00] to stand for, I want one agreement. My ex-husband signed off right away, didn't give me problems, and I had to completely reinvent myself from there. So. I got introduced to my first mentor. Her name was Carol Reynolds, and she had studied directly with a man by the name of Warner Earhart, um, a pioneer in the personal growth world.

And I started learning about actual deep, deep, deep healing. And Carol was, Carol was a force of nature. I ended up doing one seminar of hers and running the back end of the company. Not long after that mentoring. Under her doing deep coaching, she helped me deal with my sexual abuse. She helped me see that I was a leader who wasn't leading.

I had put 80 people in a seminar, David, and in front of everybody, she says, Rebeccahh, silence. You're a leader who's not leading, you know? And I look around the room and at the time [01:04:00] I'm healing so much. I'm learning so much. I'm powerful. I didn't know that yet. Billing these events. I thought she had to be talking to somebody else.

What do you mean I'm a leader who's not leading? I didn't identify as that yet. And she helped me see like, look what you're doing and look at all these people you've put here and look at your influence and you aren't using your voice to lead and to make a difference. And so she mentored me. I started a private practice and I ended up.

Beginning to become Rebeccahh Stalls. She was right. I was the leader that wasn't leading. I was afraid of my power. So she helped me so much, find my voice, find my power, and she taught me a different way to do breakthrough coaching with people. And then I had another mentor that I worked with for 14 years that had a coaching certification company, and I ran that for 13 years after I did the pilot year, and I learned [01:05:00] so much about how to coach people into creating all of the possibility they wanted for themselves.

That relationship ended up being pretty abusive and dysfunctional, which I didn't realize until I ended up leaving. I was very dependent on. This mentor, she was very dependent on me. I learned so much, I'm so grateful. But it took all of these mentors and all of these years of growth to really understand all you need is the practice of emotional healing and to help people be more free and fully expressed and to support them and being fully alive and fully powerful.

So in the middle of working with Carol and then transitioning to this other mentor, I met my second husband now who we've been married 14 years, and he is absolutely the love of my life. I tried to scare him off so many times. [01:06:00] Date three, I had an 11 page list, front and back. Everything I wanted in a partner and I sat him down and I read it 'cause I had missed it.

I had had one boyfriend I had moved in with and moved to Las Vegas with, while I was working with Carol. That was a mass. I, I had so many bad decisions. Um, and I couldn't scare off Mark. He goes, well, do you wanna see my list? He had his own list. David. It was a half a page list and my husband has been sober 20 years.

He had already done a bunch of work on himself and was sober seven when we first got married and. This man is beyond my wildest dreams come true. And in the beginning of the marriage, we still had a lot of inner child healing to do that you can't do without relationship. Like you can do all the inner child healing you want in therapy and in coaching, but applied to a relationship you heal the most.

And [01:07:00] the beginning there was some power and control. There were some epic fights. It, it was a little sketchy, but we wanted it. And I found someone who had a dream of family just like me, and I had told him about my crazy childhood. He is like, all right, you wanna hear mine? I couldn't scare him off to save my life.

And I was convinced that I was too much and not enough at the same time. So Mark and I came together, and at the time we came together, I decided to full-time go for it with my company inspired results and get on the radio in upstate New York. And help revolutionize a community where I had been so severely abused and traumatized as a little girl.

I got on the radio and within two weeks I had a six month wait list. I was doing two to three women's retreats a year that were selling out. My daughter was starting to thrive. I'm married again. All my wildest dreams come true. I'm a business person, which I never thought I'd be. I'm an [01:08:00] artist. I never had formal business training.

I get pregnant again and I'm coaching a plastic surgeon and his wife, and they say to me, Rebeccahh, you saved our marriage. You saved our family. That thing on your arm, that doesn't look good. Something's wrong. We need you to come into the clinic tomorrow morning at 7:00 AM Let us take it off. Let us take care of you.

It turned out to be malignant Melanoma. I have no family history of cancer. I obviously don't tan. If, if, if you're seeing the video of this, I'm very pale. If you go to my YouTube channel, I'm very pale Irish girl. It made no sense this cancer diagnosis. And what I didn't know about melanoma was they can't just cut it out.

And then you're okay. And at the time of my diagnosis in the fall of 2014, there really wasn't a ton of research and there really wasn't [01:09:00] very much available in terms of treatment options. So I've had 22 surgeries. I did four and a half months of chemo, which I ultimately quit. And what I will tell you is cancer is where I met God for real.

And where I met myself for real. 'cause I went into cancer knowing a couple of things. One. I'm not a statistic, but also I wasn't gonna be able to do this alone. And I had done so many seminars participating in a hundred plus seminar seminars as a participant facilitating, you know, 50 to a hundred seminars myself by then at that time in workshops.

And I just decided cancer was gonna be the seminar where I got to be who I said I was. I knew it was easy to be the best of who I am. Solid, emotionally clear when I'm making a lot of money, helping a lot of people on the [01:10:00] radio, have a thriving business, have this gorgeous marriage. My kid's doing okay, everything is how I want it on paper, but who is I gonna be now?

And so I did my best to be my best and to practice everything I've learned. But then I also had a little bit of a spiritual crisis, questioning it all. Like I thought I knew what I believed in who I was, but I let myself question it all. And God, like, what would you have me do? What would you have me know?

What would you have me understand? What would you have me believe? Because this doesn't make sense. This isn't fair. But I love Byron Katie's quote, when you argue with reality, you lose, but only a hundred percent of the time. And I knew I couldn't argue with this, and I knew all I had control over or three things.

Who was I gonna be? How did I wanna feel and what was I gonna create? And it was all about just mastering my emotions, processing the anger, processing the grief, processing the fear, [01:11:00] processing even the moments of joy and excitement in real time as much as I could when I was sick, because. Me emotionally clear is the only way I know how to connect with God for real at the deepest level.

So I'd clear like an emotional clear channel so I could hear my own voice and God's voice and my life became a complete co-creation with God. Ever since it was brutal. It was the fight of my life. I only had a 5% chance and I would never tell anybody. Quit chemo. But I would tell people become as emotionally healed as you possibly can.

So you can have your dream come true. Comeback love story. So you can meet your highest, most healed version of yourself. And so you can meet God in a next level way, where God becomes your business partner, your life partner, your source, and you don't have to figure out anything ever again. And my guidance told me, quit chemo.

When it was time to quit chemo. [01:12:00] I was dying. And at that point I had so many surgeries. It wasn't from the cancer, it was from the chemo. I had drop foot, all the nerves down my right leg had died. And they said, well, even if you live, you'll be on disability for the rest of your life. I hike mountains, I live in Boulder, Colorado.

No problem. It was a journey. There's so much more to the story, but I'm here, 

David Pasqualone: man. That's fantastic. Yeah. And doctors are so mis train these days, and I remember. I had a tumor in my head, went through several surgeries and radiation and the number one surgeon in the world, Dr. William Montgomery, he was head of Harvard.

Um, that part of the medical school, he was head of mass eye and ear. He said to me, we may have all the PhDs in the world, but nobody knows your bo body better than you do. [01:13:00] And if you went through 22 surgeries and chemotherapy, I can only imagine from the experience I had, how exhausted you are. Um, so when you find God at that place, it's gotta be authentic because you're like, I'm about to meet you.

Right. There's not much left in you to fight. Yeah, 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: absolutely. And it wasn't that I didn't have a relationship with God before, it just compared to now had the spiritual nutritional value of Cheetos. And I thought it was good, but it. It's been a beautiful gift to still get to be alive. And I surrendered. I was like, wherever you want me, I'm not gonna argue, but if you let me live, I will teach people the practice of emotional healing.

I will show people there's no trauma that they can't use to their advantage. I will do my best to take care of your children as much as you've taken care of me. And I wasn't trying to bargain, you know, but I was. I was ready to [01:14:00] do something with this. And I don't think God wastes our pain. Yeah. Wow. And I have a brain tumor still that they caught right before I started chemo that was unrelated.

That's benign that they have to track. And I go every three months to my oncologist, and this is the rest of my life. I'm not guaranteed cancer could come back stage four any second for me. But I don't live in fear because every moment is so beautiful and precious. And I don't mean that in a toxic, positivity way.

There's so much here for us in every single moment. And we get to be the best of ourselves, which is a decision which every moment and it's justified to not be. And so many people pick and choose who they're their best for. But for me, I'm gonna be my best for every life in front of me for the rest of my life.

And I let people have their free will and agency, and I respect they have their free will and agency. And not everybody likes me, agrees with me. Wants what [01:15:00] I want, but I keep my heart open. And if I had one wish for you, it would be that you keep your heart open and that you stay tapped into the healed you.

And I remember when I was sick realizing this isn't another opportunity to heal my trauma. I've done that. This is an opportunity to be the healed me I'm committed to being and thank God for my trauma because if I can survive that I can survive this. Yeah. And what you've survived can help you live beyond survival.

David Pasqualone: Yeah, a hundred percent. Well said. And some of you have been sick who are listening to Rebeccahh like critically ill sick. Some of you have watched people you love struggle. Not everybody has the same outcome as Rebeccahh and I. Right. That doesn't mean God loves us anymore. He just has a different plan and.

Rebeccahh, you've been strong with this for years now. Right? Obviously some [01:16:00] was more intense and some was, like you said, you go through a day, you don't even feel the brain tumor. But this wasn't like a took a week and everything's better, right? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Oh, it was a 10 year healing journey. I'm just now better than I've ever been, and it's been all these holistic healers.

I had a different holistic healer assigned to my bed every day of the week. For the first year and a half. That was the worst, where I couldn't hold the baby. I couldn't do anything but fight for my life. I still throw the kitchen sink at my health. It has been a freaking journey, but the pain isn't stronger than me.

The pain isn't stronger than you. My vision for helping as many people heal in this lifetime as I can, carries me through, and my dream of family being actualized in my marriage, my proudest accomplishment. My favorite thing about my life is just such a delicious gift every single day, and it, it all carries me through.

David Pasqualone: Amen. [01:17:00] And ladies and gentlemen, and again, Rebeccahh, you correct me if I'm wrong or if you disagree, but God never allow causes any pain. He might allow it in some areas because there's a greater purpose for your good, for his glory. And even though we don't understand in the short life for eternity to come, it's gonna benefit you.

It's gonna benefit those who suffer and stay faithful, right? But during that time, that doesn't mean Rebeccahh or I or you ever want to go back and do it again. So when Rebeccahh, amen. Yeah, 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: God, thanks so much. 

David Pasqualone: And our show's all about listen to repeat for life. We want you to listen to Rebeccahh's story. We want you to do the advice she gives you.

That's good advice. Repeat it each day. Stay consistent so you can have a great life in this world, but more importantly, an attorney to come. And it sounds like, you know, when I was sick, I already knew Christ, but my relationship got to [01:18:00] such a deeper level when I was sick for those years because all I had was Christ to rely on.

And Rebeccahh said she knew Christ going into her illness, but she came to a whole new level of understanding in a deeper relationship. So salvation, us knowing we're God's child and being with him eternally, it says, for whosoever shall call upon him, the Lord shall be saved. There's no bias, there's no bigotry.

It's whoever calls upon the Lord's name is saved. And then from there though, it's like you can know your mom or dad. Or you can know them intimately and grow and respect them more. And you know the person they are like a good father, a good mother. The more you spend time with them, the more you know them, the more you're like, man, I love this person.

Or like Rebeccahh said, she loves her husband. It's her most proud accomplishment in life. So there's a difference between salvation and then growing the relationship. But the [01:19:00] first step's always trust in Christ. And it's awesome, Rebeccahh, that you got to have that point where you not only trusted him, but you're starting to grow and now you're carrying that on with others.

So between your birth and today, is there anything we missed in your story before we kind of go deeper into where you are today and where you're headed next so we can help you now that you've helped us? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: My story, there's so much, but I. The full story is coming back to life, a roadmap to heal from pain, to create the life you want.

But I guess, I guess what I also just wanna say is

letting people's best be enough is one of the biggest healing gifts you can give yourself and them. I did do as much healing as I could with my father. I am continually healing and growing and developing my relationship with my mom. [01:20:00] I let people's best be enough and I don't force the river, and I just think that's important.

You know, I've made a lot of mistakes I used to before cancer be so about achievement and what cancer taught me is achievement doesn't matter. At all. It's about a life that fits in with you and a life with God in the mix. And what I didn't know before I was sick is that I cared about fitting in and achievement above all else.

I, after I got sick, there was no going back to life the way it was before. And when I realized I was actually gonna live, it was a really dark moment that was really depressing. And I was suicidal again because I couldn't go back to how I was running a business seven days a week, 10 clients [01:21:00] a day. That wasn't healthy for me, but I wanted to achieve.

And I, I was so validated by the wait list and how much I was doing and how hard I was working. And I remember this day in my kitchen realizing I. I'm actually gonna make it. And there's no going back to how it was. And there was so much of the cancer story that we didn't talk about where every day the pain was so severe, I wanted to die as much as I wanted to live.

And I just kept the focus on, you know, committing to my life and living like I was gonna live and letting myself feel it all. And then I realized this day in my kitchen, I have an opportunity to create a life that fit in with me. And you all have a life worth living that's precious just like you, and you can design it on your terms.

And you don't need a crisis to force your hand, and you don't [01:22:00] need a breakdown to break through. And I didn't know that until cancer that I didn't need breakdown to break through and I didn't need a crisis to justify my needs being the priority. And so just know. Your needs matter. What you want matters how you feel matters.

And that doesn't make you selfish. The more you are taken care of, the more you're honored and respected and taking care of you by you, the more you can be the child of God, fully expressed, making your biggest difference. 

David Pasqualone: Amen. And yeah, for those of you who thankfully haven't experienced what Rebeccahh's saying, not just hours of pain or days of pain or weeks of pain, but years of pain, it's exhausting.

Think about if you just get a cold, you know, a day, you're all right. Couple days, two, three days, four days in, you get the flu. You start getting depressed. When you're in [01:23:00] agonizing pain for long term, you gotta really have something to hold onto, to fight for, to fight with you, or you're gonna get. In a bad place.

You know, a lot of people get suicidal. They want to die or they try to die. But when you know it's happening for a reason, even though you don't understand it, somehow God gives you strength to keep fighting. And thankfully, Rebeccahh had that strength and we're here today. And that doesn't mean it's easy.

That doesn't mean we have dark moments. No, but you keep going. You keep swinging, keep moving forward. Well, 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: right. And so much of the pain is emotional. I, I think this is a really important point to make too, right? The physical pain isn't your fault. The emotional pain isn't your fault either, but you always have control over processing grief in a healthy way, processing anger in a healthy way, processing fear in a healthy way, processing joy and excitement in a healthy way, and trusting it.

You know, I love the cheesy social media meme [01:24:00] that talks about we're not here, you know, healing to handle the trauma. We're good at that. We're healing to handle the joy, to let life be good, and the emotional pain and the emotional work you always have control over. And I don't want you afraid that the emotional work will make things worse.

It. Directly is correlated to the physical pain subsiding every single time, at least for me. And I think that can be true for you too. The emotional pain is there because there's emotional healing to do. And the practice of emotional healing about is about, it's a healed act to process your emotions.

It's not you healing when you process your emotions. It's the most healed thing you can do, processing your emotions in a way that doesn't take them out on another soul. We take our emotions out on people, and we don't even mean to, and that's the fight. Flight, freeze healed is [01:25:00] you responsible for who you're being, how you're feeling, the experience you're having, and committing and agreeing with yourself and with God that you're not gonna take your emotions out on anyone, and that's something you always have control over.

David Pasqualone: So if someone wants to get ahold of your Rebeccahh, what's the best way to reach you? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yes, so you can follow me on social media channels at Rebeccahh Silence. Rebeccahh has an H-R-E-B-E-C-C-A-H, silence, S-I-L-E-N-C-E. I have Rebeccahh silence.com, which is where you go to heal your marriage, your family, and your love trauma.

Rebeccahh silence.com is all about couples love, family healing. And then my second company is the uns silent woman.com. This is a newer company, and it's where I work with women to be fully expressed and free to take back their voices [01:26:00] and to lead in a way where they're taken care of too. The women in my membership that own Your Voice Society, which is another very accessible way to get me directly as your coach, they're not voiceless.

But they're not necessarily using their voices to honor, respect and take care of them so they can actually make their most healed difference. So we have the un silent women.com, Rebeccahh silence.com, at Rebeccahh Silence, the Rebeccahh Silence YouTube channel. I can't recommend enough my book Coming Back to Life, A Roadmap to Heal From Pain, to Create the Life you Want.

If you loved today's episode. And there's also the Emotional Survival Kick course. All of the information, though, is on both websites. 

David Pasqualone: Beautiful. And we'll put links in the show notes, ladies and gentlemen, whether you're listening through your phone, whether you're on your laptop, whether you're watching and rumble, or whether you're, again, just listening, you can check out the show notes.

Grab the links, and go check out Rebeccahh's website and [01:27:00] what she has to offer. Um. Rebeccahh, it's been a true pleasure having you on this show. Before we wrap up today, is there anything we miss between your birth and today or any final thoughts that you just wanna share with our audience to help them? 

Rebeccah Louise Silence: Yeah, just stick around, stay tuned.

Join my world. I don't think you found me here by accident, and what I want for all of us is to become the most healed leader in our own lives, and for every life we touch that we possibly can. I always end my shows saying, be careful with each other's hearts, because I think we need more calm, healed, centered, consistent, grounded, loving leaders now more than we ever have, focusing on being careful with each other's hearts.

David Pasqualone: Excellent. What a [01:28:00] great way to self reflect and the show with self-reflection. Is that who we are? You know, who does go God want us to be? And who are we right now? You know? And there's a, if there's a gap, we need to fix that. So. Awesome, Rebeccahh. Well, I thank you for being on the show, ladies and gentlemen.

Hopefully you not only enjoyed this and not only you. Got something you can glean and run with. But hopefully you can really think about this and pray about it and start applying it to your life or helping those you love. Apply it to theirs. Reach out to Rebeccahh. You can reach out to me if you have any questions.

We'll help you as much as you as I can. Rebeccahh will certainly be able to help you. And then like our slogan says, like we talked about before, listen, do repeat for life. Don't just listen to this great content, but do it. Repeat it each day so you can have a great life in this world. But most importantly, an attorney to come.

So I'm David Pasqualone. This is our remarkable guest, Rebeccahh, Silence. Rebeccahh, thank you for being here again [01:29:00] today. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, it's been an honor. Ladies and gentlemen, we love you. We'll see you in the next episode and share this one with all your family and friends. Not so we can be famous, but so we can help more people Cio.

Epic Voice Guy: The Remarkable People Podcast, check it out,

the Remarkable People Podcast. Listen, do Repeat for Life,

the Remarkable People Podcast.