Mark Sowersby | A Man’s Journey of Forgiving the Nightmare, Growing Strong, & Overcoming Childhood Sexual Molestation

“The language of an abuser is lying. “ ~ Mark Sowersby

Overview: Many people go through trials, or like Mark, “nightmares”. There is a process we can go through to find hope, redemption, peace, and grace in our lives. Overcoming Childhood Sexual Molestation and other horrific traumas, hurts, and wounds is possible. See how Mark did it, and you can too!

Guest Bio: Pastor. Husband. Father. Reverend Mark Sowersby has been married to his wonderful wife Jennifer for 19 years and is the father of four children. Mark has been an ordained minister with Assembly of God for over 25 years and is currently the Pastor of Calvary Community Church in Dudley, MA. Pastor Mark holds a BA in theology from Zion Bible College/Northpoint Bible College. Pastor Mark went through a time of great healing. He began speaking about the experiences of his past and God’s grace and the transformational work of forgiveness in his life. He now speaks about his story through his ministry, Forgiving The Nightmare. When he isn’t serving his congregation and his community through ministry, teaching, and support, you can find him on all the trails and lakes in Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Upstate New York, spending time with his family.

SHOW NOTES: 

• Website: https://forgivingthenightmare.com/
• Mark’s Book, Forgiving the Nightmare: https://www.amazon.com/Forgiving-Nightmare-Mark-Sowersby/dp/1951475186

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CORE THEMES, KEYWORDS, & MENTIONS:

• Illegitimate child, rape, pedophile, homosexual pedophile, life journey, abuse at home, dyslexic, groomed by an abuser, grooming children, protecting children from abuse, raped, burned, beaten, forgiving the nightma

Transcript

Mark Sowersby | A Man’s Journey of Forgiving the Nightmare, Growing Strong, & Overcoming Childhood Sexual Molestation 

Warning. The interview you're about to experience has already positively changed people's lives. If applied appropriately, it can change yours, too. The views expressed are those of the guest and host. The content of this podcast is not meant to be legal, financial, or medical advice. Warning. This episode may contain graphic details of the guest's life.

Listener discretion is advised.

[00:00:20] David Pasqualone: Hello friend, I'm David Pasqualone and welcome to this very special episode of the Remarkable People Podcast, The Mark Soresby Story. This episode is super packed and sensitive, but it's so important. You're going to hear about how Mark was molested as a child, physically, emotionally abused, physically abused, and so many nightmares that we all Welcome back.

and today's episode is about a man that we all have experienced or have heard about, or have been like, Oh man, I hope that never happens to me. But Mark sadly had to face them. And this episode talks about his journey of healing from the abuse to the freedom, and how he's forgiving the nightmare in not just a one time action, but a little more each day.

So this is a story about a man's journey of forgiving Growing Strong and Overcoming Childhood Sexual Molestation. You're also going to know that it doesn't matter what kind of abuse you suffered, Mark's story through Christ is going to help you be free from all sorts of abuse you've experienced. So check out this episode, take notes, apply the notes, share it with your friends and family, because this really is something so many of us need.

I know I personally need it. And you probably do too. So we're going to take a 60 second commercial break from one of our amazing sponsors. It's going to help you too. And then after that, we're going to jump in the episode with our good friend, Mark Sowersby, and I can't wait to hear how this episode has positively impacted your life and set you on a course for healing and joy and peace.

That's it. Let's do this. 

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[00:03:05] David Pasqualone: Hey, Mark, how are you today, brother? I am well, thank you so much for having me, man. It is an honor to be here. I know you're a friend of Lena Sibula, one of our. Former guest who had a remarkable story and inspired so many people around the world.

So thank you again for being here today. Really, it's my privilege and my honor to be able to share my story and my testimony with you and your listeners. It's truly a blessing. Again, thank you so much. Oh yes, and ladies and gentlemen, like we just gave you a little sample in the intro, um, we're going to be talking about forgiveness, And we're going to be talking about overcoming trauma, and we're going to be talking about just growing as a human and as a Christian in life.

So there's a lot to unpack that all of us need, but some of us more than others, because we're stuck. So Mark, let's just get started with your story and your journey, and just walk us through from childhood to today. The good, the bad, the highs, the lows, the pretty, the ugly, the pretty ugly, whatever it is.

Let's hear Mark's story and where God's leading you today. And I really appreciate the way you frame that because that's what it is. It is a journey. And that's what my life is. I think that's all our lives are. We're on this journey. We're on this, this road. We're on this, you know, we're just going from precept to precept, inch by inch, step by step.

[00:04:25] Mark Sowersby: And, and unfortunately my story, uh, too many people share my story. Too many people have. It's a story of abuse. It's a story of dysfunction. It's a story of sorrow in it. And I was brought into this world not knowing my father, my biological father. And I was born from an affair. As the old song says, my mom was looking for love in all the wrong places.

And she found this man who promised her the world and beauty and hope and conceived, and he hit the road, Jack. So there I was, my mom and, uh, siblings from another marriage that she was in. And we were just kind of growing up. My mom wore the scarlet letter [00:05:00] you can see by all these gray hairs. It was a long time ago.

And, uh, you know, so, so that was kind of how I lived my life. Until I was seven years old, my mom would marry a man 20 years or younger. I was excited because I thought of, uh, Having a father figure, I thought of somebody in the room in my life. But again, that's not what it turned out to be. This man would come into our home and he would abuse me in every way, shape, and form.

An abuser abuses. Abuser lies. Abuser just does ugly things. And he would abuse the whole home in one way or another. But again, I was the main target of that abuse. Not only did he verbally abuse me, and not only did he insult me and beat me, but he also sexually abused me from the ages of seven. To 14, he would burn my body.

He would stab me and pierce me with his, his, uh, his knives and screwdrivers. But, but then he would rape me and he would send me to other men to be raped. So this was kind of the reality I lived in. This was the atmosphere that I was brought up in from the ages of seven. And in those years, I was just, I was hurt.

I was confused. I was angry. I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't know what to, where to go to. Again, my home was just built in dysfunction and pain. So, so, you know, I was just kind of lost in those years. And if I used one word to describe those seven years, other than being The pain of molestation was that I was just empty.

I was numb. I was surviving. I wasn't thriving. I was trying to reason it all in my seven year old brain. And, you know, I just didn't have the skills, the ability to kind of figure it all out. It was a different time. You know, we're going back to the 70s, 1977 to 1984, where the awareness And the support and the advocacy of abuse wasn't the forefront.

It is today and I'm thankful for it. Back then when those things happened, it was always in somebody else's neighborhood. It was always in somebody else's place. It never happened in your town or your home. And my mom kind of grew up in a. In a, in a, in a community or in a time where people kept the dirty laundry at home and they kind of prided themselves and never let anything outside the door.

So that was my mom's culture. And again, I'm so thankful today that we have support. We have places to go and share. So I was kind of that generation where people didn't talk about it. People didn't see it. It was kind of pushed under the rug a lot. So, 7 of 14, abused every day, beaten, stabbed, a small bus because I'm dyslexic, so not only was I dealing with abuse at home, but being bullied at school because of learning disabilities.

In that year, those seven years, I was just alone, afraid, ashamed, didn't know what to do, and I just became numb. I was groomed by an abuser. I was brainwashed by the attacks. And then at 14 years old, the abuse ended because I got two great things happen. Not only did I get strong enough to fight my attacker off, it wasn't a Rocky Balboa moment, it wasn't a Mike Tyson moment, but I pushed my abuser off and I think he realized at that time I was not going to be an easy victim.

But that, that also, uh, when I found somebody who believed in me, I went to an adult in our family who had the power and the strength and the love and the wisdom to be able to protect me. And when that adult, when that loved one of our family, when that one, when that adult person believed me, there's power in belief, and when they believed me, they began to protect me.

And I wish I could tell you, well, that's the end of the story after that, everything was perfect and fine. But it wasn't, uh, you know, the abuse ended and I thank God for that. The abuse, I was never physically burned, beaten, raped ever again in my life after the age of 14. But really that was only the beginning of my story that I call forgiving the nightmare was only the beginning of my story at 14, the abuse ended.

But now I'm living with the lies, the fears. I'm still tethered in a way. I'm still, I'm still tied to the words of my abuser that haunted me for decades and decades. Yeah. And going back, there were different times and, you know, just growing up in the seventies to today, it's so different. I was just talking to To someone yesterday in private life, not on a podcast.

[00:09:28] David Pasqualone: And they were talking about how they were molested as a child by someone in their family. And there was really nobody believed him. So did you ever approach your mom or anyone else and they just said, shut up or rejected you? Did you never talk to him? Did they not believe you? Did they believe you, but didn't know what to do?

What was your situation there? Yeah. You know, I think as a child, I did go to my mom. It was about halfway through the last station. Uh, you know, when you're. When you're brainwashed, when you are, uh, groomed, I'll never forget the first [00:10:00] night. Of course, only seven years old, I can still remember the crackle of the threshold floor.

[00:10:05] Mark Sowersby: I can still remember the weight of my abuser and the smell of his breath as he stole my innocence. I didn't really understand what was taking place. But as equally as hurtful as the, as what he took in my flesh is what he lied to my spirit. He looked at me and he said, Mark, it's your fault. Mark, no one will believe you.

Mark, you wanted this. Mark, you're too, you know, and just the insults in the, in the brainwashing of a child, stealing their. values, stealing their dignity, stealing their innocence, coupled with the lies they put upon you, that you just kind of feel lost. So about two, three years into the abuse, I went to my mom.

My mom was broken, and that does not excuse that her negate, that she, it does not excuse what would happen, that she neglected me by not protecting me. But years later, it helped me understand her plight. It didn't excuse it, but it would help me understand my mom was, Kind of being abused in her own sense.

She was being abused in her own pain and she didn't have the skills or the ability to take care of me. Um, but I didn't know that then. And I'll never forget when I went to her, she confronted my abuser. With that she confronted. She called him into the room and she confronted him. And the next morning I got the worst beating in my life.

I lost two of my teeth and I was burnt by cigarettes that day. So I kind of learned quickly not to go until I got 14. And then this. There's a moment of me kind of fighting off my attacker. I don't know why it didn't happen at eight or nine or 10 or 11. I've asked myself a million times, but it happened at 14.

Maybe I got bigger or stronger. And then finding that loved one in my family that I could go confess to, and they would protect me. Those two things really were the things that stopped the abuse. But again, my mom. She was lost in her own dysfunction. She was lost in her own pain. Doesn't excuse her, but it helped me understand it later on.

Not right off the bat, but later on it helped me understand. Yeah, and you have obviously a balanced and great perspective now, but it's hard to have it for anybody. Now, your mom, when she saw the beating, this guy just beat my son. That alone Was she terrified of him? Was she numb? Was she afraid to lose him?

[00:12:27] David Pasqualone: What, did you ever have a conversation about that with your mom, looking back? Like, how could you stay if the guy knocked out two of my teeth and beat me? Well, I, I think that if we're going to go back, we can remember the Pat Benatar song. Remember she sang, Hell, Hell is for Children. And if you listen to that song, they let you know that, you know, you fell off the swing, you fell off the bike, you tripped over a rock, you ran into a fence.

[00:12:51] Mark Sowersby: It was always an excuse. There was always a reason. A children gets bumped and bruised and fall. Uh, it was never thought of as an abuse. And if I kept quiet, cause that's the way I was groomed and brainwashed. So, uh, so, you know, you learn to hide it. You learn to lie it. You know, look, the language of an abuser is lying.

That's their first, that's their native tongue of, of lying. So, they teach you that. They teach you that well, it won't be that bad if you lie for me. It won't be as bad as it could be if you keep this secret. And again, as a child, you don't know that you can reach out. You don't know you can cry out. You're just surviving.

You're not, You're not growing. You're not, you're not going forward. You're just getting through one day at a time. So again, today when we see those bruises today, when we see those bumps, of course, we obviously think to ourselves, Hey, there could be more going on, but this was not what was taught or in the forefront of culture at those days.

It was kind of like, no, that happens in bad places. That doesn't happen here, but it was happening here to many of us. Yeah, and what area did you grow up in? New England? Grew up in New England. Yep. Grew up in New England. So yeah, we just, you know, we just didn't seem to be in our, in our town, in our neighborhood, in our, in our society, you know, it was always overlooked.

That happened somewhere else. Yeah, I grew up in Milford, Mass. And, you know, I love Massachusetts. I love the culture because so many people, my family came over from Italy and my best friends came over from Portugal and we were all first generation. But there was that, hey, your family is your family. And what happens behind closed doors happens behind closed doors.

[00:14:35] David Pasqualone: And there were some lines like again, sexual abuse, stuff like that. But, um, we never called the police for any kind of physical abuse or anything. We were told just to mind our own business, pray for them. If in the next day they're beat, help them, you know? But the thing is, if parents beat their kids, when we got beat, it was just So I can understand that even though today looking back as adults, [00:15:00] it's wrong.

I can understand how you grew up, but I guess I'm still going back to you tell your mom, she confronts him, he comes back and beats you senseless. She didn't have any reaction towards you to say, Mark, let's go or what happened. Like there was no discussion. No, no, it wasn't. I think she was comfortably numb with it.

[00:15:22] Mark Sowersby: I think that she was broken in her own self. She didn't have the abilities or the, uh, uh, the skills to be able to, uh, be able to defend me. She was just kind of lost in her own pain. She was lost in her own ignorance. She was lost in her own fear. And, uh, so I was a, You know, a victim of that as much as the abuse, uh, and that's a part of the story of forgiveness.

You have to kind of wrestle with those things and wrestle with whys and hows and ifs and whats. Yeah, and let's go, because, so now you're 14 years old. You kind of stop the sexual abuse, but between then and today, bring us through your story. And for our listeners who have suffered or are suffering the same horrible, horrible torture, how, well, let's get into the specifics, specifics of how you healed.

[00:16:16] David Pasqualone: So our listeners can at least have a starting point so they can too, um, because most people statistically who have this happen don't get the help they need and their life turns into a train wreck of self abuse, drug use, more molestation, um, even though they hated being molested, they molest others. So you're definitely, thankfully, the anomaly.

Uh, so how did this happen? Bring us from 14 to today, Mark. Sure. So, uh, you know, the abuse ended and I never wanted to be at home. I was always looking for an escape. I wanted to be someplace else. I never wanted to be in the residence. So, uh, we lived in an apartment complex at the time and there was a pool.

[00:16:56] Mark Sowersby: And I wanted to be at that pool in the middle of that complex. Every chance I could, it opened up at 1030 and it closed at 8 and I think I was just a fixture there. And eventually, I was about 15 at the time, and the lifeguard, she was about 17, and she invited me to go someplace with her, and to be honest with you, the 15 year old boy in me would have went anywhere she invited me to go, and her and her boyfriend came and picked me up for church.

And I never experienced a church like that before, you know, we weren't really church going people. We kind of had a a title of faith, but we didn't even go to church and, you know, maybe a Christmas or an Easter, but there was never any really kind of faith journey in our home. Of course, be good, Jesus loves us, that kind of, kind of cultural thought.

But I walked into a church, it was charismatic, they had drums, it was the 80s, we had mullets, I mean, and the pastor was explaining to me the gospel like I never heard it before. I mean, I was accepted, I found a community, you And, and of course, it was just like nothing I ever experienced. And I walked into there and, and that was on a Wednesday night and that following Saturday.

So when I went to church first time on a Wednesday night, and that Saturday, a bunch of cars were beeping their horn in front of our apartment window. I was on the third floor and I looked out my window and it seemed to be a hundred cars. It wasn't, it was probably only three or four, but in my head, it David Pasqualone, Remarkable People Podcast, Listen.

Oh man, that's, that's a tough walk. That's a tough walk on the tough thing. It's not like the carnal divide, but still, but yeah, everybody, we love Mount Mananock. That's right. It's like, you know, so here are youth group at the time they're going, I was like I said, about 15, 16, you're about 15 years old. They invite me.

I don't have clothes. I don't have the right clothes. I don't have the right shoes. I don't have money. I don't have lunch. They don't care. They just picked me up. And for the first time, I felt. valuable and I felt accepted and they've brought me on this trip and I'll never forget on the way home a young man who was, he was cool because he had a car, you know, I didn't, and he asked me if I wanted to make Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.

And I probably didn't even understand the depth or the value of that prayer. I just wanted what they had. I felt, I felt clean. I felt hope. I felt grace. And I felt love. Maybe I couldn't title it then, but I felt something new. And I followed that man in that prayer, that young guy who was all about 18 years old, and I was all about 15.

And I said those sinners prayer, Lord, come into my life. Forgive me for my sins. Be my Lord and Savior. And even though I didn't understand it all, God did. And that began the journey to begin to forgive. Now again, I wish I could say, okay, here I was, I, I wasn't abused anymore. And I went and I said a prayer and everything was good.

No, it was just the beginning of the [00:20:00] journey. And, but now Christ is my savior. And it really does change things for those of you who've experienced what Mark's talking about, you know, even the demons believe there's a God. But they don't trust him and they chose to trust Satan. So that's the difference when you trust Christ as your savior.

[00:20:20] David Pasqualone: And when people use the term save, they've said, God, I know I can't do it. I put all my faith and hope in you and then God saves you. And at that point, when Mark's talking about you, the Holy ghost comes and lives in you and you have this peace and this love and this joy. And it can still be quelled by our sins or circumstances, but it's always in you forever.

You're sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. And when you have that, even when you're going through, and Mark, you talk about this, but even when you're going through the worst possible imaginable circumstances, It doesn't make all your problems go away. It doesn't make it fun, but you got this peace and you have this joy that you're like, okay, life's only 80 years on average.

After that, I'm golden for eternity. I mean, how would you explain it, Mark? No, I think you articulate it very well. You know, at that moment, I gave my heart, I gave my trust. I found something bigger, greater. What I've ever experienced before and I came to know that's the love of Jesus Christ and by faith I accepted it and I know God will never leave me nor forsake me even when I stumble as a pastor today You'll hear me say often in my pulpit.

[00:21:26] Mark Sowersby: We don't live perfect lives We live forgiven lives and by the grace of God we have that even when we feel far away Even when we stumble so there I was at 15 and I had this newfound faith and you know And I again, I didn't want to be at home. So I started to be a fixture at the church. I was there every time the church door was open for me.

And I know this is not everybody's story, but for me, the church truly became a sanctuary, but I don't just mean sanctuary in a holy Holy Way, I mean sanctuary and a safe place. I was there every time the church door was open because I didn't want to be in that dysfunction. I didn't want to be in that home.

I think I went to the senior prayer meeting. I think I went to the mops meeting, mothers of preschool. I mean, I went to everything the church was offering just for an escape from the home. But I'll tell you that One of the first casualties of any kind of dysfunction, any kind of trauma, any kind of abuse, not the only casualty, but one of the first casualties is that you learn to trust nobody and nothing.

And I really entered my life, lived my faith life, lived my whole life with that kind of chip on my shoulder, that view that I'm not going to trust anybody anymore because I'm not When I trust, I get hurt. So I entered this relationship with God, saying, God, you have to teach me to trust you. I don't care what the name on the door is of the church.

I don't care what denomination it is. I don't care what their theology. I, you know, at the time, I don't even care what the pastor is. Lord, I just want to know you. And Even though my story is about forgiveness, my story didn't start off with me being so good of a person, so, so, so just right as a person that I said, Oh, Lord, help me forgive those who raped me and beat me.

My story started off and has always been, Lord, help me know who you are. And in that, seeking the Lord, wanting to know who God really is, wanting to know what the Bible says about God, wanting to know, God, if you are real, then, And seeking God in a genuine way, eventually, with lots of pitfalls, lots of victories, and lots of tears, the Lord would bring me to a place to be able to forgive those who trespass against me.

But it wasn't my first day, and it was a lot of ups and downs, but it didn't, I didn't seek forgiveness, is what I'm trying to say. I didn't say, okay, God, I want to forgive the man who raped me for seven years. I sought the Lord, and then the Lord would eventually bring me to forgiveness. Yeah, and I found that when Jesus was asked, what's the greatest commandment?

[00:24:03] David Pasqualone: He's like, love the God, love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and love thy neighbor as thyself. And on this hang all the commandments. So basically, when we love God, we love others. Everything else falls into place. But when people abuse you so terribly, that's hard to do. So when you were focusing on your relationship with God, there's people listening again, who sadly they're going through the same circumstances that they have.

What do you recommend to them to start the journey of healing, to start the process of feeling peace and joy and just. Being free. Be real. Be real. Be honest. You know, God is, He knows us. He loves us. God sent His Son to die for us. And, but I'll say, you know, I didn't know how to pray. I wasn't articulate. I didn't have a family legacy.

[00:24:51] Mark Sowersby: I did not come from, you know, this or that. I came from brokenness. I was an illegitimate child where I was raised by an abusive man. [00:25:00] And, uh, and my mother neglected me. So I didn't know anything. I was just, I just went into my, Prayer life, talking to God like I'm talking to you now. I shook my fist in heaven.

I said, how and why and if and when. I asked all the hard questions. I don't want to sugarcoat this story and say, I went to church, I said a prayer, put two bucks on the plate and everything was perfect. It wasn't that. It was a real journey. Lots of tears. Lots of truth. There was times in my life, there was years of my life where I said, God, I don't want to deal with this, but God was faithful.

And he kept drawing me to him, not to forgiveness, not for me to say, Hey, everything is perfect and I'm okay. Just kept drawing me to the love of God. Love the Lord God. And the Lord kept saying, Mark, if you focus on me, you know, we'll go back to the eighties. And when we came home from high school, we didn't have a million channels, right?

And, and we only had a few channels and I'd come home and I'd, Grab my bowl of Captain Crunch cereal, and I'd put it on PBS, as you probably know, Channel 2 up here in New England. And we had a guy on there that, that I'd come home in 1986, 1987, and we would watch him. It was Bob Ross. Remember Bob Ross? Oh yeah, I'd watch him all the time.

[00:26:12] David Pasqualone: He put me to sleep. If I was home from school, I'd, or get to take a nap. Yeah, you know, he's awesome, right? I mean, he made us all happy little trees, no mistakes. He was little squirrels, squirrel pets. Exactly. You remember him. And at the end of every painting, you know, I'd watch him for that half hour from a blank canvas to a masterpiece of my 16 year old head, 17 year old head.

[00:26:36] Mark Sowersby: But almost at the end of every painting, he'd put a tree in front of the subject. So his subject was a, A waterfall, a cabin, a mountain, whatever it was. But at almost the end of every painting, he would put a tree in the middle. And I used to think to myself, man, he just ruined it. Years later, I would constantly think about that.

I don't know why. It's just one of those things that got stuck in your head, like a song or something like that. I'd think like, why did Bob Ross put a tree in the middle of the painting? Well, what he was doing is he was He was changing the perspective. He was taking the subject of the cabin or the tree or the mountain or the waterfall and he's, he's making the one who looked at the painting, he was taking the subject and he's moving it further away by placing something in the forefront and made, and made the subject look further away.

And I thought about that often. And the Lord spoke in my heart, not in, Outwardly, but in my prayer closet, the Lord would say, Mark, if you put the cross, if you put the cross in front of the hurt, if you put the cross in front of the pain, if you put the cross, if you put faith, if you put me, if you put my love in front of that hurt of the abuse, it will be moving further.

View it. It doesn't mean it was right. It doesn't mean it was good. It doesn't mean it was easy, but view your pain and your hurt first through the cross of Jesus. It changes your perspective. Now again, God took me on a journey to do that. Um, you know, I had some great people that I love today. People who loved me when I went into that church in 1986, 1985, who just said to me, Gave me some of the worst advice.

You know, just pray. Let it go. Let bygones be bygones. Well, I couldn't do that because it's not intellectually honest. How could I forget that I was raped? How could I forget that I was burned? How could I forget? So I couldn't. Now, I know those people weren't evil. They weren't waxing their mustaches to trick me.

They just didn't know how to help me. But God would bring me on this journey that would teach me to love Him more than to hate my hurt. Now, again, it took me 35 years. It took me, I'm on the other side of it now. But I still have my triggers. I still have my, and he gave me counselors and coaches and friends and I wept and I shook my fist at heaven as I said earlier.

It's not an easy journey. You know, Jacob had to wrestle with an angel to get his name changed to Israel. And the NIV tells us because you wrestled with God and man, now you're an overcomer. So in a sense, I think that in a way I had named victim. I had my name hurt. I had my name pain for a long time, metaphorically.

But I had to wrestle with myself. I had to wrestle with my past. I had to wrestle with my mom saying why and how I had to wrestle with these hurts. And I, and I didn't want to, I was angry. Why do I, I was the victim, but you know, I got married and my wife didn't need me to carry that home. I have children.

My children don't need me to pass it. I'm going to pass enough junk down to my kids. They don't need these pains and hurts, but I don't need to live in that pain and the hurt. So I, you know, I had to go through this journey called forgiveness and I wish I could articulate it in a systematic way. You know, I was talking to a friend of mine and he said, Mark, I wish there was a, you know, an ABC or Roman numeral one, two, three, or to be able to say, this is what [00:30:00] forgiveness is, I would say there are about seven points.

that everybody who deals with forgiveness goes through, but they all go through it in different ways. My one might be somebody else's too, and their two might be their four. So it's not this easy. It's an ugly journey that you have to get through. But I'll tell you, on the other end, you're not releasing the person.

You know, unforgiveness was killing me, but I was tethered to my abuser with his lies far longer than his touch. But it was killing me and it was poisoning everything I did. I think one of the first things I had to realize is what forgiveness was and what it wasn't. Forgiveness is not saying it's okay.

Let me say that again. I can forgive and still seek justice. I can forgive and still disapprove. I can forgive and still say what happened was wrong and evil and illegal. My forgiveness is not an approval. My forgiveness is not an acceptance. My forgiveness is not a denial of the evil, what happened. I can forgive and still call the cops, is what I'm saying.

The second thing I had to realize is that Forgiveness is not a one time event. You know, it wasn't like, hey, I forgave one time and it's all done. I've had to forgive constant. I've had to forgive, you know, all the time. I remember when I first became a father and the pain of realizing the rejection. that I received.

I didn't really know that pain until I became a father and realized how much I was rejected, how much I was shunned, how much no one stood up for me, and it was like a wave that came over me, and I had to learn to forgive that all over again. And I also had to learn that forgiveness, forgiveness gives me, it does not mean that I have to hang out with those who wounded me.

I don't have to say, hey, let's do, uh, you know, let's do Christmas morning, or let's have things. I can have my boundaries. So I think when I realized that, Those things, and saying, God, vengeance is not mine, it's yours. So what does forgiveness look like to Mark? It's me giving my hurt to God, me giving my abuser to God, me giving the circumstances to God, and saying, God, vengeance is yours.

You're a righteous, God that will judge us all righteously. But Lord, I'm letting it go. Not because I'm good, but because you're bigger. And Lord, the freedom I'm getting because I was still being abused. Again, it wasn't physically, it was emotionally, it was, it was spiritually. But I didn't want to carry that pain anymore.

I didn't want to carry that hurt. So I had to let it free. And by giving it to God, I know I've given it to a, a God who will be righteous and perfect. But now I don't wake up with my first thought and being the hurt. It was like the unforgiveness was like this ugly suit that I was putting on every day.

It's like I take my first breath before I got outta bed and this anxiety of pain would fall over me and I'd carry it everywhere I went trying to mask it with whatever self. medication I could find. Mine was mostly donuts, cheesecakes, but I know that people self medicate in many ways. But as I began to forgive, I began to say, God, I'm not just forgiving because I'm a good person.

I'm forgiving because I'm being set free. I hope that makes sense. I hope I'm being clear to you and your listeners today. Yeah, 100%. Um, I know a lot of times in my own life and in other people I've spoke with live, it's like, well, how do you forget? How do you forgive? Like everybody can say, Oh, forgive, forgive, forgive.

[00:33:44] David Pasqualone: And 90 percent of those people have never been through a hard day in their life compared to what like you've been through it, right? So I like how you talked about it's not just a one time event. Like sometimes you really do forgive, but then something happens or just pain creeps back in the memories and then you got to forgive again.

So talk about how do you actually bring that to God and let it go? And then if it comes back, how you let it go again. But let's really dig into that because that's not easy. No, it's that perspective change. You know, when we, when we get saved, as we said earlier, when we trust in the Lord, and His word becomes a light into our path.

[00:34:23] Mark Sowersby: The Bible tells us He takes our hearts of stone and turns them to our heart of flesh. He tells us that He renews our mind. And, you know, it's that perspective change, where I wanted vengeance, and I did. And I. And boy, I had a pedigree that allowed me to say, I want my pound of flesh. And I did. When you mentioned hell to me, I wanted my abuser to go there.

Uh, you know, I, I, and it was only when God became bigger in my life. So let me put it this way. When I was first going to church, somebody came up to me with the best intentions, but they said, Mark, if you have the faith of a [00:35:00] mustard seed, you can move a mountain. You know what I thought to myself? What does that mean?

What is that? Now I know now it's about measurement and size and great and small. I didn't know that then. So I went to my prayer closet and I said, God, what does it mean to have a faith of a mustard seed and move mountains and tell trees? I don't understand that at all. And the Lord spoke to my heart then.

He said, Mark, you have enough faith to move a pebble. I thought, I'll be the best pebble mover you've ever had, God. And I. And you know, that's where God started me. If you have enough faith to move a pebble, well, the pebble would become a rock, and the rock would become a stone, and the stone would become a boulder, and the boulder would become a mound, and the mound would become a hill.

And this was decades and years, and I got married, and I became a pastor, and I went to college, and I succeeded, and I failed, and I, you know. Then one day, not too long ago, after my mother's death, the Lord would come to me and say, Mark, You have enough faith to move the mountain. And for me, I knew that mountain was to forgive.

And I said, God, I don't. I don't. I'm not that good. I don't have enough faith. And God would say to me, well, how'd you move the pebble and the mountain and the stone? And it would go through that. How'd you move all that? And I said, well, Lord, you were with me. He said, Mark, if you trust me. Well, God, trust is a tough thing.

Mark, if you trust me and lean on me, the only rock I want to be stuck to is Jesus. And if you lean on me. Then I'll help you forgive and move that moment. And when the perspective of God, by renewing my mind and taking that heart of stone and ripping from me that unforgiveness. And I started, it wasn't, and I started to trust him more.

The mountain of unforgiveness. By just giving it to him, it wasn't mystical. It wasn't magical. I didn't wake up, you know, thin and perfect. And, you know, Arnold, I would just woke up me, the pain slowly, slow. I still had to pay my bills, you know, I still had a wife and kids, but I slowly that started to slip off me.

It wasn't the first thought. It was like, Oh man, I haven't thought about it today. Oh, I haven't thought about it in a couple of days. Hey man, it's been a week. Boy, I haven't. And then I realized I was running free, freer than I ever had. The shackle of hurt was lifted off. Again, uh, it's that journey. So, you know, being honest, being real, you know, do you, you know, I, of course I asked God the hard question.

You know, you don't go through a trauma and not say why. You know, sometimes the church, they just say, you know, it's okay, God has a plan. You know, and that may be true theologically, but it doesn't feel good when you're hearing it. So, I ask the God the hard question. Why, God? Why was I molested? Why was I burnt?

Why didn't you stop it? Why did all, and of course, I ask, I think anybody that's gone through a trauma of addiction and death or whatever, we say, God, why? And I, God, I answer it this way. God gave me a perfect answer for me. Now, my answer that God satisfied me with may not satisfy anybody else. Other people might find holes in my answer.

Other people might say, yeah, but. But when I went to God, God gave me an answer that was enough grace, enough mercy, that satisfied me. And that's all I needed. I remember going to God and saying, God, why? And all God said to me, and this was my answer, was I've known you from your mother's womb and I called you to preach the gospel, to tell people I love them.

Not to tell them how bad they are, not to tell them how evil they are, but tell people not that they're bad, but how good I am. But I've called you since your mother's womb. Your father left, but I was there. But the enemy knew that. Satan knew that. And he's tried to sift you and attack you and steal from you.

Me. Your whole life. But Mark, I've never left you and I've always been with you. Again, I understand, I understand mentally and intellectually how people can say, well, that's not a good answer. For me, it was a perfect answer. And I believe if you go to God and say why, God will give you your perfect answer.

[00:39:28] David Pasqualone: Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And there's a difference between asking God a question and questioning God. Like, if you're like, God, why did this happen? That's a normal, reasonable question. But if you're like, why are you doing this to me like a spoiled brat? That's where you deserve to be slapped in the face, right?

But it's, it's a different perspective. It's a different attitude. And when you come to God with a true, honest, Attitude and heart. He's going to answer you openly and honestly. Um, it's when we're questioning him, like, cause we think, you know, somebody does [00:40:00] something crazy and then like, well, why did I get a consequence?

Well, dummy, you just did this. You just, you know, that's deserved. You're lucky you didn't get it sooner. So God can forgive and God can pardon and God can do all these things. But, you know, You know, don't expect to go to a club and yell at people and not get punched in the face, right? It shouldn't have been there in the first place.

You shouldn't have talked trash. Yeah, so all right. Well, you know, I just want to let you know that again, I can't explain enough. I'm a person of faith. I'm a pastor. I do weddings and funerals. I do baptisms and communion. We, we have the potlucks, you know, I'm a, I'm a charismatic preacher in New England. So you, you know what that's like.

[00:40:43] Mark Sowersby: It's, you know, we don't have big mega churches. I tell people be real, be honest, and be genuine. And one of the worst lies is that we believe those who've been through trauma oftentimes That we're the only one, we're the only one that's gone. You know, we're the only guy that's been molested by a man. And if we tell anybody, they'll make fun of us.

They'll think why we're a wimp. And, you know, they'll, they'll think, you know, we're the only one that's gone through that, that pain and that trauma. So we isolate ourselves in it. We put up a mask and we want the whole world to see us in a light, but that pain spills out. You know, I tell people anger always breaks something.

You know, even when Jesus was righteous, righteously angered, he still broke a table. Anger always breaks something. And oftentimes when we are hurt and we have anger, we break ourselves and we break the people we love. Don't stay isolated. There are people out there. There are a lot of fools out there, but there are a lot of good people out there who have.

Walk the same roads that you've walked. There's men and women and places and groups that say, you know what, I've been where you've been. And I want to come beside you. You're not a wimp. You're not a, you're not, you know, you're not bad, but you're dealing with this trauma that we're trying to mask. And the worst lie is just keep it inside.

When I was public, when I was honest, when I was genuine, listen, I was the, I was the one, the Bible says that he left the 99. To go get the one. He left the 99 more than once to go get me. Because I didn't want to deal with it. I was comfortably in my own theology. I played, I played wrestling matches. I, you know, when it came to forgiveness, I would say, God, well, you don't really mean to forgive that.

You mean forgive the guy who cut me off on 95 or, or the guy who got mad at me and like, you know, you mean that, but you don't mean forgive that. And I played gymnastics, even in Bible college, I played gymnastics. But when God became bigger, his love became greater, his words became sweeter. It didn't mean that I, I became a billionaire and I fly around in jet planes, you know, it means I got life and life more abundant.

And the life I have, is that I have a wife that loves me. I have children that are That are growing up. Look at that. Y'all look, I said my gray hairs earlier. I got a son who got his driver's license and just graduated high school. I got a daughter who's in driver's ed right now. I got two more behind them.

So, you know, we live a real life, but that's what it means for me to have life more abundant. And I didn't do it alone. Faith, counselors, coaches, pastors, friends. You wrote the book, Forgiving the Nightmare, and I'm just really honest about my journey. In my book, I put about seven, what I call, trail markers, that I put on there that I go, here's the things that I kind of check myself against, how's my prayer life, how's my Bible reading, do I got people in my life that can read my mail, you know, am I putting the victim mentality on, because it likes to come on, and it's comfortable, you know, but am I living a life that is comfortable?

I'm being honest, and I'm being genuine, and I'm not living a broken life, I'm living a whole life in the forgiveness that I've confessed through Jesus Christ. And let's do this. That's, I agree completely because it's, it's biblical truth what you're saying. Um, but you talked about perspective. You gave that beautiful Bob Ross illustration.

[00:44:20] David Pasqualone: You've mentioned several times about how your journey and you just mentioned in the seven like kind of check reflection. Um, when we start getting off and we really get things back in perspective. Everything falls back into place. So how do you recommend people are listening all over the world, men, women, old, young abused and abusers.

But if you had a one, two, three, Hey, this is how to, when you're spiraling out of control, when your life's going south, this is how to get back in perspective. What do you recommend some steps to at least be a catalyst or starting point? Stop and [00:45:00] breathe. Oftentimes, people that have been through trauma, we live a life that's always what they call fight or flight.

[00:45:08] Mark Sowersby: Fight it. We're always in that place. It can be 20 years, 30 years after the abuse, after the trauma, and we're still waiting for the other foot to drop. We're still waiting for the, for the loved ones that we care about most to reject us. We're still waiting for the bad to happen. It's a trauma that's been put upon us because of our childhoods or because of the pain.

And sometimes we are just responding quicker than we're thinking. And I've been there. So a lot of times you just have to stop. And it's hard because stopping means the pain can come. Stopping means the hurt's going to come. We've, we have survived by just going on, moving on, re identifying ourself, putting a cloak on.

What do you need me to be? A jock? I'll be a jock. You need me to be a geek? I'll be a geek. What do you need me to be to survive? And just stop and breathe and stop. And I, believe me, it's easy to say it's hard. Stop listening to the lies of the past. And when God is in us, the scriptures come alive. The Bible talks about His sheep, we're the sheep, and He's the shepherd.

We'll know His voice. A lot of times we don't trust it because we don't believe it. But when we can finally stop and go, you know what, I'm okay. I just want to stop. And really, the people we love the most, our spouses, our children, they usually come by and, and tell us the biggest truth. Knock it off. Calm down.

Give me a hug. Everything's going to be fine. And that's what you want to say because we've lived in a survival mode. Even though we got the cars and the house and a marriage and the kids and a business and, you know, maybe a couple pennies in the bank, but we still live in this survival mode. And as soon as we think it's coming, we can see it a mile away.

It's going to happen. It's going to happen. So just stop and start asking yourself the real questions. But again, it's hard to do. It's easy for me to tell you. Well, when I've had to do it, it's difficult because the lies of the past, the mindset of the, of the trauma pushes us towards that escape, flight.

[00:47:33] David Pasqualone: Nice. Now, for you personally, if you don't mind me asking you, do you have, like, if you're really having, like, say, quote, unquote, success, right? Like things are going well, everything's great. Do you almost feel like afraid you're going to lose everything? Or are the rugs going to be pulled out from under you?

Or you're almost like going to be punished because things are going well? Yeah, yeah, you know, it's funny. You're the first person to ask me that question. But yes, when I'm still oftentimes people go, Hey, Mark, I need to talk to you. Oh, what did I do? It's never like, Hey, great. You know, they got some, and he said, Hey Mark, we need to talk.

[00:48:08] Mark Sowersby: Oh man, what did I, we live in a moment. What did I say to that person? What are they, obviously they're mad at me. Obviously they're going to tell me that, you know, you're going to call me up and say, Mark, we can't do a podcast. You're the worst guy. These are the things that go through my head. Well, you're junk, Mark.

Why would I ever want my audience to listen to you? These are the things, the insecurities that still pop up. Of course I was raised in them. But I have to then breathe, you know, yeah, you know, the guy's probably not gonna tell me off. He's probably gonna say, hey, let's talk about the interview. But yeah, the first thing I think when somebody wants to pull me aside, somebody says, let's talk, somebody says, I'm thinking negative.

I'm thinking, because that's what happens.

When Christ gives you a renewing of your heart, When you walk through the trauma of saying, God, I'm okay, and believing it, it's hard to, we could, we could state it. I'm fine. I'm healthy. I'm good. I've proclaimed, I've confessed. We don't feel it. That feeling comes one step by step. I love the altar. I'm an altar guy.

You'll find me on my knees, crying, my hand raising. I'm an altar guy. And I say the altar brings me to the next altar. Brings me to the next altar that brings me to the next altar. It's no longer I that liveth, I hope, as Paul said. It's no longer I that liveth, but Jesus Christ that liveth in me. John the Baptist said, I must decrease so he can increase.

You know, I have to decrease these hurts to let God's love increase in my mind. Some days I'm better at it than others, but every day I'm walking in the grace and the forgiveness of Christ. And that's by faith, I say, not [00:50:00] that I'm perfect, but But by faith I say, I've forgiven those who trespass against me.

[00:50:06] David Pasqualone: Amen. Yeah. And I think that son that we all need to remember is it's a journey and nobody has it without, you know, nobody's perfectly holy and without Christ, you know, we get holy through his blood, but we all sin and. We all have hangups and challenges, but when we get it right, we'll be in eternity, right?

It's like when we finish the job and we get it all right on earth, God will take us home. So if you're still here, there's a purpose. Um, but let me ask you another question. Blaringly, I'm sure I'm not the only one asking it. Uh, the stepfather that molested you. Yeah, what happened? I mean, well, I got him arrested.

Did you punch him in the face? Did you totally let it go? Um, did you cut us? Yeah, I'll go in a little bit of that. First of all, I never called him stepdad. I always call my mother's husband, right? Cause he was never kind of a father. So that's the way I phrase it. My own little pet peeve there. No, no, I can, I totally get that.

I'm just, yeah, no, no problem. Uh, my, my, the man who abused me several years after abusing me, got a disease. And the disease crippled his body to the place that he had no, uh, no, he had no control of his faculties. He couldn't care for himself. It was slowly, it was ugly. It was just kind of stole all his movement, his ability.

[00:51:27] Mark Sowersby: He couldn't care for himself, couldn't take care of his own hygiene. The only thing that still worked in him until his death was, was his mouth. That's the only thing. So again, I just want to escape. Different time, different season. So there was no arresting. There was no, I'm not, I'm not saying that was good.

It was probably bad. He should have been arrested. He should have been prosecuted. But in those days, a lot of people didn't do that. As you mentioned earlier, we didn't, you know, it was a different time. Um, but he, his body was ravished with this disease. And for a long time, I said, yay. Thank you. I, you know, God get him.

That's what I wanted. But the Lord didn't do that. The Lord's not that vengeant. You know, we will have to answer to God someday, but I'll never forget, brother, as the Lord spoke to me for years, he would say to me, Mark, I want you to go and tell him you forgave him. And I would say, no way. I'm not going to that place.

By this time, he was in a rehab. He was in a nursing home. Um, and, and I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go. And I'd go to my prayer and God would say, go. And I, no, no. Well, eventually God won. It wins. I would, I would almost every day, I would have to drive past that rehab. I knew exactly where he was. I knew the room he was in and I'd go different ways.

Sometimes I'd go, I would avoid going around it. Cause I didn't want to deal with that mental or that thought that day. One day I found myself in the parking lot, my knees knocking, my hands sweating, and I, and I went in, and I sat in that waiting room, and I was nervous, they called my name, I literally had to go to the restroom to wash my face, I did not want to go in, and then when I opened up that door, and I'm only there out of faith, and I'm not there because I'm a good guy, and I open up that door, and it says Markie, and that familiar Oh, that familiar pain that brought me back to that broken child just over, just overwhelms me.

It was like a blanket that just fell upon me. And, and I looked at him and he, you know, what are you doing here? And who do you think? He thought I was there to beat him up. He thought I was there to get my pound of flesh and believe me, I wanted to, but as I stood there in front of him, it wasn't a kumbaya moment.

You know, it wasn't a Billy Graham crusade. I looked at him and I said, I'm here to forgive you because Christ forgave me. He looked at me with that same Ugliness that same poison with with that tongue and he said you'll never forgive me You'll live in this hurt as long as I've lived in it and I said no I'm forgiving you because Christ forgave me and I'm setting it free now I want to tell you this he didn't turn around with tears in his eyes and started to cry out You know, Amazing Grace, he still spewed hate as I walked out the door.

But in a, in a metaphoric way, if I could, I really realized not only was I speaking to my abuser and saying, you're done, I'm letting it go, I'm forgiving you, I'm setting myself free from your. From being tethered to you. But I was really speaking to fear metaphorically. The fear that controlled Mark as a child and as a adolescent and as a young man, as an adult.

The fear that carried me into my marriage. The fear that was always around me. I realized I was letting go of fear. When I was saying I forgave my abuser to his face, I was really saying, fear you have no more hold on me. And as I walked out that hospital room that day, I never saw him again. Um, he [00:55:00] passed away from his disease.

Um, he will have to stand before God as I will, as we all will. Um, but yeah, that was the last time I saw him. And the last thing I said to him was, I forgave you because Christ forgave me. Not because I'm a good man, not because I'm so holy, because I've been set free. And in that, now I, now I'm living my life.

I'm telling my story. I want to see if God could pull this broken, messed up kid from Massachusetts. I didn't grow up too far from you. I grew up in the Attleboros, you know, not far from Foxborough, North Albro. Yeah. I grew up in Milford, Mass. Yeah. You know, I did not grow up too far from you. If. If God could pull this broken kid out of the miry clay and give me a hope and give me a purpose, that's all I want to share.

All I want to share with people, if God can help me take one depth, one deep breath every day, take a step forward, uh, and just be a better me, love my neighbor, be the best husband and father I could be, that's the reason I want to share my story. And again, it's the journey. That's why I call my book, not just Forgive, Forgive, the Nightmare.

I call it Forgiving. Cause it's a process, forgiving the nightmare. I'm doing it every day. Yeah, and I'm so glad you approached it this way, because so many people, I believe in God, and you believe in God, and I believe the church, the real church, is God's body, and it's beautiful, and without flaw, but on earth, it's just like Revelation talks about, it's a lot of fake crap, empty churches, corrupt churches, and man's eyes, and um, there's so many people, from the congregation to the pulpit to the janitor everything in between where they're not preaching the whole gospel they're not even preaching reasonable things that's right and um something you said right at the beginning you said the language of an abuser is lying yes and then you said this dirt bag and i'm sorry i'm i need probably to get right but you said this scumbag on his basically deathbed is still telling you, you're never going to forgive me.

[00:57:04] David Pasqualone: You're not going to let this go. That's a lie from Satan. And ladies and gentlemen, whether it's Mark's life, my life, your life. You gotta remember Satan is a liar. Satan's a deceiver. Satan's the author of confusion. And here he has a struggle. There's probably demons in the man or the woman that hurt you.

The man or woman that hurt me. The man that hurt Mark. Right, legit demons. They didn't just go away when Jesus walked the earth. A third of the demons fell with Satan, and most of them are still walking the earth, except the worst ones, they're chained till the end. But what you have to remember, and I need to remember, and Mark needs to remember, with that perspective switch, when things get bad, Is this scumbag tried to leave Mark?

Not only did he hurt him, not only did he torture him through life with years of pain, but he tried in his, his legacy was to leave the lie, the seed that you'll never forgive me. That's a lie from Satan. So when you are working with somebody who's an abuser, Misery Loves Company, and Mark said it, but I wanted to make sure you hammer this home in your memory.

And you realize that they're going to try to torment you for the rest of your life. Once we get to eternity with Christ, all truth is out. It's going to be great. But for this life, they're trying to torment you back then, today, and for your tomorrows. So don't believe the lies. You can forgive. You can be forgiven.

You can forgive others. And even when the morons who have, whether they have good intentions or selfish intentions, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right? So if you have somebody in the church telling you, oh, just let it go, God's grace. No, there's a realistic aspect of humanity that we have to deal with it, like Mark said, and it's forgiving.

It's ongoing. It's a journey. So I just want to make sure that when he said the language or abuser is liar, the closest trait in all humanity to Satan is lying. And that's been since the beginning. So make sure you're not listening to what they're saying because it's probably a lie. I had a, I don't want to say this part, but you know, there's jokes about prisoners.

There's jokes about people you've dealt with and it says if their lips are moving, they're lying. And if somebody, you know, how do you know, how do you know an attorney's lying? His lips are moving, right? There's these jokes. How do you know a convict's lying? His lips are moving. But sadly, there's a lot of reality to those statements.

So Mark, thank you for sharing all this. And again, I don't want to make sure I didn't go off base, but do you have anything to add, change, correct me? No, you were dead on, brother. There's a lot of empty pulpits. A lot of pulpits that have replaced their preacher for a clown [01:00:00] to entertain them. And they're preaching, they're preaching not the full gospel.

[01:00:04] Mark Sowersby: They're leaving people broken because they're reaching out to a God, they're reaching out to a faith that they've been taught that they can demand and control. And they're not learning the full gospel, and they're leaving up brokenness, and they've already been deceived once, those that have dealt with trauma.

And I think you're, you're right when we say, listen, it's not an easy journey. This gift of forgiveness is not an easy, look, look what Christ, Christ had to die for forgiveness. He had to shed blood for, forgiveness is not an easy journey. We receive the forgiveness of Christ because of the sacrifice He gave, and then the journey that He calls us to walk through.

I want it to be simple. I want it to be ABC 123, Hocus Pocus, but it wasn't. I had to, I was agonizing, but at the end of the day, When Christ became bigger, when the perspective became the cross, when the words of God became louder than the heat, when I heard truth trump the lie, I began to let it go. And it had to come from my, my white knuckles that held on to this childlike protection that I built at seven years old.

And I had to let it go and let God be the, be the hedge of protection around me. It was scary, but it was good. And today. I know that we're not weak. I'm not weak. And we're not alone. Again, you said the enemy, he's a lion. And the Bible talks about the enemy being like a lion that comes, kills, steals, and destroys.

And remember, the lion never attacks the herd, right? The lion never attacks the pack. It always attacks the stragglers, the weak ones, the ones not, if the pack is running together, then the lion will not come and destroy, will not attack the center of the herd. It's too dangerous. Those of us that have been wounded.

Linger. If we hold back, if we don't run with the pack, and I think the pack in, in a sense, is the body of Christ, as you meant, the true church. If we run with the pack, the enemy doesn't want to come into that because he knows the pack will pray and stand on the Word of God and walk by faith. But if we let those hurts and those lies consume us, then we become the stragglers.

Easily, easily to be destroyed. And we usually destroy ourself and you and God did not love you. God loves you. And he did not die for you. So you could live a life of hurt. He gave, he died for you. So you could live a life of hope. And that's all I want to share today is that the journeys. Hard. Um, I talk about it again in my book, Forgiving the Nightmare, and I talk about the journey.

I talk about the honesty. But again, my, it's a little bit about abuse and a whole lot about forgiveness. And that's why no matter what we've been through, no matter if it's been child abuse or neglect or anything else in between, we all have a nightmare that wants to hold us back, hold us down, and keep us trapped.

But today I want you to know that God can set us free. We talk about it in Forgiving the Nightmare. Amen. Thank you so much. So Mark, to wrap up the episode between your birth and today, is there anything we missed you want to talk about? And if not, where's Mark today? Where are you heading next? And how can we help you get there on your journey?

Well, you know, real life, nothing, you know, I got a real family, real marriage, you know, all those things. I'm not perfect, far from it. My foot fits my mouth perfectly in it. But where I am today, God's opening some doors. I'm coming out with my next book. The first one is Forgiving the Nightmare. Hopefully by the end of the year, we're gonna have book two out.

It's a devotional. I'm wearing more of the pastor hat and that. And it's going to be called Letters to the Weary. It's going to be a devotional book. We also have a short film coming out where that story that I told you about me going to my abuser, we put on film. It's going to be called Forgiving the Nightmare.

We're going to be putting it in film festivals this, uh, this summer and spring. So hopefully get some attention that way. Also, I'm on a TV program. Every week I'm on TCT, Ask the Pastor. So I'm just being, you know, I'm not talking about my testimony. I'm just answering questions people ask pastors. So every Tuesday on TCT, I'm on Ask the Pastor.

And of course, I'm able to pastor my church in Dudley, Massachusetts. I'm in Dudley at Calvary Community Church. And again, we're there preaching every Sunday and God opens up doors for us. So if people wanna partner with us or know more about us, you can go to our website@forgivingthenightmare.com. You can find me on all the social medias, Facebook and Instagram, and X, wherever my kids tell me to go.

That's what I do. So I by Forgiven the Nightmare or Pastor Mark Sowerby. So we'd love to hear your story. If, if my testimony has encouraged you, uh, [01:05:00] I'd love to. Get an email or a text from you, uh, Mark at ForgivenTheNightmare, mark at ForgivenTheNightmare. com, you can get me there. So again, uh, just a blessing and an honor to be here today to talk about the genuine, genuinity of walking through forgiveness, through trauma, and holding on to Christ.

Thank you so much. Oh, amen. It's been an honor and ladies and gentlemen, Um, like Mark said, we'll put all his links in the show notes. Reach out to him if you have any questions. Reach out to me if we can help you. Um, but more than anything, reach out to God. Because he's the one that loves you more. And he's the one that can heal everything.

[01:05:39] David Pasqualone: And it's as close as a prayer. So Mark, thanks for being here today, brother. We love you and I appreciate you transparently sharing your story. And ladies and gentlemen, share this with those you love. And, um, talk to Mark, but again, talk to God and just move on so you can be forgiven. You can be free and you can enjoy life fully and help other people and more than anything glorify God.

So thanks again, Mark, for being here today. Thank you. It was a blessing. God bless. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, share these, not for our fame, but so we can help as many people as we can. Let us know how we can help you and we'll see you in the next episode.

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