Did you hear the one about the young girl raised by Hippies, but had grandparents that were part of the Gold Watch generation? You know, the one that was relocated like a kid in a military family, but whose father was in the high-tech industry within liberal communities?
In this episode of the podcast, see how today's guest used her natural born optimism and experiences to see that there is always a better way, that ruts in life happen, but we don't have to stay there. Listen or watch now and learn how she not only learned to reinvent herself, but you can too! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Becca Ribbing story!!
Becca Ribbing is the author of The Clarity Journal and has been a coach for over a decade. She's on a mission to help people break out of the cycles of uncertainty and struggle that hold them back. She helps women going back and forth with the big, seemingly endless question of what to do next—so they can stop going around in circles and finally figure out what they truly want and create the clarity and momentum they crave.
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Clarity, Life Purpose, Imposter Syndrome, Live Remarkable, Purpose, Remarkable People Podcast, RPP, Strengths Finder, Strengthsfinder, retirement, hippie, baby boomers, generations, meditation, Star Wars, Luke Skywalker, Yoda, Mindfulness, fidgeting, Cell phone addiction, Finding yourself, depression, Space Camp, high achievers, Self compassion, growth oriented, undervaluing ourselves, George Hoffman, Nate Rifkin, David Harvitz
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While we are very thankful for all of our guests, please understand that we do not necessarily hold, or endorse the same beliefs, views, and positions that they may have. We respectfully agree to disagree in some areas and thank God for the blessing and privilege of free will.Support the show
RPP E78 Becca Ribbing Identifying Your Strengths and Finding the Clarity & Momentum Youve been searching for-1: Hey, Becca, how are you today? I'm great. Thank you so much for having. Oh, it's my pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, we just gave you the intro. We talked about Baca, so you know, a little bit of what to expect.
So Becca, at this time, we're going to go through the past, the present and the future of your life. If you can just share with us from literally, where did you grow up? What was your childhood like, whatever you think was formidable and making you the woman you are today. Oh man. So I grew up. All over the place.
And when people, when I say that to people, oftentimes they ask if I was a military brat, I was pretty much the exact opposite of a military brat. My parents were kind of want to be hippies and [00:03:00] we just moved around a lot. And so I think that one of the things that that helped me do is like really jump in and make friends wherever I go, you know?
Cause when you have to do it over and over again, you kind of develop that skill. They think that the. Biggest most formative memory I have from my childhood is when I was about 12 years old. And I was talking to my grandfather. He had just picked me up from a friend's house on his way home from work.
And I was just, you know, bubbly 12 years old, like, Hey, how was your day? And he was like, oh, it was awful. I was like, And he starts like watched into how horrible his job was, how much he didn't like it. You know, this is a man, just a couple of years away from retirement. And. I being the naive [00:04:00] optimistic 12 year old was like, okay, but why don't you just get another job?
And my grandfather who was born in 1928, I think it was like, ah, that's not how it works. You get one job, you stay in it until you retire and then you can be happy. And I think that that was just such a formative moment for me because. I really knew at that moment that that was not going to work for me, that I wouldn't be able to do that.
And it's so funny cause it's like, you know, those formative moments that you don't even realize in the moment that that's going to stay with you forever. You know, at 12 you don't have this. Grand vision of where you're going to go, but that conversation has come up so many times in my life in different ways.
Like someone telling me how they don't like their job. And maybe I'm like, okay, let's work on getting you a different one. And [00:05:00] then being like, no, I'm stuck. I can't do anything different. And I think it's my mission in life to get people out of those rooms. That's a good mission. Cause a lot of people are in that rut.
And it's like saying I have a sh I have a pebble in my shoe. It's killing my foot and nobody takes her shoe off, you know? Exactly. And I had a, another like funny little way of thinking about it's like you have spinach in your teeth and no one tells you, Hey, you should get that out of your teeth. Like I think a lot of times people will kvetch and kvetch and no, one's just gonna be like, This job isn't working for you.
You need a different one, like move on. And I think that's really important to like, have it be. Really normalized that our happiness is worth a lot. And that, well, yes, you should be also persistent and you know, not necessarily quit at the first sign of struggle all the time. On the flip side, if you constantly are staying in situations longer than you should or longer that are healthy for you, [00:06:00] but it's okay to prioritize yourself and move on.
A hundred percent. And I swear, this is a conversation I just had with my 17 year old daughter. She's got two jobs. She's working like crazy. I'm so proud of her while she goes to college full time. And she's miserable, not miserable, but it's not a healthy atmosphere. So I'm like, why are you. Should I, because I want money and I'm like, okay, you want money, but you don't need money.
I'm glad you recognize that. But now let's move on. Put together a plan. Let's not be responsible and she's got an interview today and she's probably gonna get a great job. Kill two jobs with one. Great. So it's exactly what you just said. She should've met you six months ago. Right? And I think that, especially now, it's so funny because like, I have people who call me and three weeks later they have a job.
Like the job market is just so fast. So it's like, there is no excuse right now. Just go for it. You probably are going to get better pay. You're probably going to get better hours. And [00:07:00] I don't know, I had one person who, through no fault of her own, she was. Going to a job going to the first day of her job and she ran into construction.
And so she was like really late on the first day of her job, you know, in normal times that would have meant that they would've just said, Hey, you know what, this isn't going to be a good fit. They were so thrilled to see her. They were afraid that she had just decided to ghost. You know, it's like, I feel like it's been a really interesting time because I think that at a certain level, We can be more human in our jobs.
And like our flaws are more accepted and that we can really like actually take control of what we want, but also really take control of the environment we want. Yeah. And I will say, give me your grandpa's some support here, his generation verse, your parents and our generation, [00:08:00] and then our children's generation.
It is a completely different mentality for the work environment. And you mentioned something interesting. So your dad had the hardcore, I mean, your grandfather had the hardcore old school, mental. This is my job. You know, the good old watch days, you retire after 25, 50 years, you get the gold watch and then you kind of die in your house.
You know, it wasn't very a happy existence. Right. But then you said your parents were kind of hippies. So was your, how did that happen? How did that transition happen? Just the day and age? Or was there some kind of catalyst in your family? Oh, you know, I've never even thought of that. So it was my mom's dad and.
And my dad's dad. I never actually even met. I'm assuming he was very similar, but he passed away a couple of years before I was born. So I had never got the pleasure of meeting him. And I mean, I'm sure I'm sure that there was a, a [00:09:00] great deal of that's not going to work for me either, but I think that also.
The baby boomers had a little less direction. Like some of them, I think that we often talk about the boomers and, you know, people who are hippies or whatnot as a monolith, but a lot of them did find one job, stay with. For quite a long time or one industry and move within that industry. And I don't know, I'm I'm now I'm like, I want to, like, I want to get off the podcast and go call my mom and be like, so how much did that influence you?
And you can do that. Hey, we're here to help each other. Right. Learn more about ourselves or our families, or just be better people. So, okay. Now growing up though, with your parents, however they got there, they had that hippie mentality. You said moving around, just kind of going with the flow. How did that influence you to who you are today?
I think it made me more open minded. [00:10:00] I think the places that we usually landed were fairly liberal, fairly, and not necessarily liberal politically, but like educationally we always landed in places where highly educated populations my dad was in technology. So I think that that was one of the reasons why it was easy to move around from place to place because he can always find a job.
It was. I think just really broadening, you know, when you meet people, like when you moved from Chicago and then you moved to Virginia and Virginia back then, like if you go to Virginia, now, it doesn't feel like the south. When I moved to Virginia, when I was a kid, it felt like the south, like all my teachers said, you all my, you know, my fifth grade teacher was African-American and she grew up under segregation.
She went. It was just kind of very different people that I was meeting each time I'd move. And I think that that [00:11:00] maybe that made me really, like, I am super curious about everyone's story. Every time I meet someone, it just comes natural. It's me. I ended up hearing everything about their story and I tend to remember it.
I may not remember their name. My husband calls it my party trick because I can go meet someone at a party and five years later, I'll meet them again. Yeah. I won't remember their name, but I'll remember that they had just lost their dad and their kid was really into soccer or whatever. The interesting parts of the story that they told me were I'll remember those.
Yeah. That's interesting. I've met people like that before, and I'm kind of on that plane. It's weird. You really care about people. You really love people, but the name's not as important as who they are. But like Dale Carnegie says the sweetest name to somebody's ears is their own though. Right? We've got to connect both.
We've got to connect. Okay. So now you're growing up, you're moving around, you're getting through experience. Like you said, you love to meet people and talk and hear their story. [00:12:00] So between birth and let's say high school, is there anything significant happened that formed you, that you want to talk about?
Or you want to move into college and early out early? So I think one thing that happened, one other formative thing is when I was 12, I was living up in New Jersey and I was over the summer again. And I guess it might've been the same summer. Actually. I went to go visit my parents and grandparents in Chicago.
Now I'm thinking about it. Maybe I was 13. But this girl came to visit her aunt and she was from California and she. Long blonde hair. She looked right out of your typical movie from California. She talked like a valley girl. She was the coolest thing ever. And I spent all like the two weeks of her visit talking to her constantly.
We just would sit around and gab one day [00:13:00] she was telling me about how a Buddhist monk came to her school and taught them how to make. And I found that really fascinating because really all she said was that, you know, you sit down cross-legged and you visualize your breath going in and you visualize the breath going out.
That's about, that's about the instruction level I had, but I was a big old geek at the time. Wanted to be like Luke Skywalker and Yoda. I was like, I'm going to try this. So I started meditating, you know, in eighth grade and I was. Pretty consistent with it throughout eighth grade and high school. And, you know, as I started getting into boys, there would be months where I was really obsessed with a boy and I'd get out of it again, but I always kind of came back.
And let me ask you, where's it at that I didn't mean to cut you off. There's a lag in our conversation. I apologize. [00:14:00] But at that age, did you actually find value in it or were just cool to do? I totally found value in it. And I think why I found value in it is because I was learning from another kid. I, I often will tell people that, you know, if they've had an experience with meditation that they didn't like, you know, A lot of times when we go to a meditation class, it's a three hour intro class to meditation and you're going to sit cross-legged for 45 minutes and you get bored and learning from a kid.
Like I had very short instructions. It wasn't a 300 page book. It was a five minute conversation and it was super actionable and there was no judgment about it. It's not like she told. And you have to do this for 25 minutes, or you have to do this for an hour in order. Like there was no in order to be effective, you need to do it this way.
It was just lighthearted and light spirited. And I think that every time I talked to someone about meditation, when [00:15:00] they'll, when they say it doesn't work for them, like try doing it like a kid, because when you do it like a kid, that's actually kind of more the spirit, I think of meditation because it really helps you.
Like get out of your own mind, but if you're in your own mind thinking about the rules, as opposed to just being in your own mind and letting yourself kind of flow, it's totally different things. And being in your own mind, listening to other people's rules, rarely makes anyone happy. Yeah. And I've had, we've had multiple guests, you know, this is the remarkable people podcast or they're high achievers.
And I've had so many people, so many people in my life, but just guests on the show. Say how they meditate now, all different forms of meditation, even some different definitions of what that is. But like the two, I really, really, there was like George Hoffman, he has bipolar manic depression. He hasn't had an outbreak in 30 years and he has a biblical meditation process that he goes through.
[00:16:00] And, you know, I'll put the link in the notes. If anybody wants to hear that. And then also Nate, Nate Rifkin. He's got a book on the standing meditation. It's they're both seeing a lot at the same things. You're you're saying, but this is something maybe we can help people understand. Meditation doesn't mean.
And like you're sitting there clearing your mind and you just picture a white or black background, explain it's really just focusing, you know, kind of clear in your mind, but thoughts will always come in. So explain to the people, listening are like, oh, I hate this. I hate these conversations. It's a bunch of voodoo, but explain to them what meditation really is and how it helps.
So I think that actually the biggest problem is we are so focused on clearing our mind that we missed the first step. The first step is actually to notice everything that's going on and you can't let it go until you notice it and allow it. And I think that. Us as Americans. Pretty much most of the English speaking [00:17:00] countries that I've worked with, we are so focused on the end goal.
We are so focused on achieving that we really lose sight of the process and we also really lose sight of our own feelings. And so when I talk about meditation, often I spent a lot of time talking about mindfulness because to me. The really wonderful thing about meditation is that it helps you access mindfulness, but there are a lot of other ways that you can access mindfulness as well.
And it's just so important. Your whole body, your mind, your physiologic, physiology, everything about you is trying to give you messages about. What's working for you. What's not working for you, you know, what, what brings you joy? What needs to change? And we get so focused on pushing through that. We lose sight of those messages and that we ignore them.
And so I think today, The miraculous thing about [00:18:00] meditation in general is that it gets you back in touch with yourself. It clears out the distractions and it kind of gives you something to do. I, it's a funny, I remember hearing. Years and years and years ago, but when people stop smoking, they used to be told to find something else to fidget with in their hand.
You know, a lot of times they'd have a toothpick. I used to notice that and just the physical grounding, because you're used to having something in your hand. Well, we all have addictions to our cell phones. We all have something in our hands, 24 7 if we want it. And I think that when you actually. Sit down cross-legged and have your hands in a certain position.
It does help you. Really ground in without that phone. Because I don't like, I hate to sound trite and you know, a lot of people talk about cell phone addiction and I certainly have one. I'm not going to say that I'm a beyond that, but. [00:19:00] When you think back to 20 years ago, we used to have a lot of time where we'd sit and think without anything else to do.
You know, we'd sit at the subway station or we'd sit waiting for the bus or we'd sit even just in line at the grocery store. And now we just never have to do that. But some of our best inspiration comes when we're just sitting with ourselves. I couldn't agree more. And even just the processing of so many things happened so fast during.
And our mind needs time to process that and kind of come, okay, this goes in this bin, this goes in this bin. Let's toss that, you know, if we could, but yeah, I agree with you. It's a, between television, radio podcasts. Now listen to your pocket. No, I'm just kidding. But there's so many just outlets out there and we're just firehose flooded.
We're busy all the time, mostly with stuff that doesn't matter. That I agree with you completely. Now you throw a cell phone in our hand and the seconds seconds we're in line at the grocery store, like you [00:20:00] said, we're stopped at a light, some reason on the toilet. That always drove me crazy, but they're on their cell phone, right?
Me too. I've really backed off this last year, but it's it's like you said, it's It's an absolute addiction. It keeps us from processing what we need to. So acknowledging this and seeing this in your life you use the meditation in the mornings and the evenings. When do you use meditation to balance out life?
You know, I still basically do what I started doing. Many many years ago, I do it when I need it. You know, I think that one of the things that doing it fairly habitually, it gives you insight to when you actually need it. And it allows you to be more mindful about when you are getting stressed out. But I don't, I am, I am not religious about my practice.
I am very flowy and whenever I need it, that's when I. [00:21:00] Awesome. So now you learn this practice. You go through high school, you go into college. Where, where does your life go there? Back up from college forward, or maybe you didn't even go to college, go to college. We had a previous talk. I don't want to sound assumptive here, but we are in a previous talk.
But from that point forward, go with your life. So you get out of college and I think most people do this. You get your first job and you think, you know, everything you're in your mid twenties, and you're really assuming that you know what you're going to do and where you're going to go. And then the world's like ha school is nothing like the real world and what you think you wanted, maybe you didn't want as much as you really thought you did, or maybe you get pigeonholed for me.
It was the, the thing that I thought that I wanted, it just wasn't as. Interesting or fulfilling for me. And [00:22:00] so I started job searching and the jobs I was getting callbacks for. I wasn't actually that interested in I was really having a hard time finding what I wanted next, because I'd spent so much time focused on one path and.
As I was going through that, I started doing a ton of reading, a ton of like, what color is your Paris shoot doing the Myers-Briggs test, really trying to figure myself out. And at the same time, all my friends were going through that exact same thing. They, you know, got their first job. Wasn't what they wanted.
Or they couldn't figure out how to. Get out of being an admin assistant into something a little more interesting. And I started helping all of them get better jobs. And you know, by the time maybe my fourth friend got a better job, I realized I am pretty good at this. And I really enjoy it. You know, live, it gives me exactly what I like doing.
Like I liked talking to [00:23:00] people and hearing their stories and then helping them figure out how they can be more. Authentic to themselves and also use their strengths. And so I ended up deciding to become a coach and this was back before coaching was a huge thing. But it's been really lovely because I think at a very real level, seeing everybody else go through this process has helped me as well because being able to see other people's process, being able to see the messiness, it just.
Gives me more insight into how even people that are really successful have that messiness and that when we judge ourselves based off of someone else, we're only judging ourselves based off of their story, their persona. We're not actually understanding what went in the hard work that went into where they are, or the luck that went into where they are or [00:24:00] the perseverance.
And when they pushed. Yeah, and I couldn't agree more. And there's people who every day struggle with this satisfaction. They look at other people, I'm like, oh, look at that great life, but you never know what's going on behind closed doors. And a lot of people are miserable because money doesn't matter, you know, stuff doesn't matter.
You have even, you know, surface relationships don't matter. But if you have all that, but you don't have the family to come home to at night, there's a lot of depressed, sad people, empty people. You need God and you need others. God. And the neighbor number one and two commandments. Right? Love that Lord, that God and love thy neighbor as thyself.
So, yeah. Yeah. And you also need to have. Like that, because I know people with family that are depressed, you know, I, you also seeing a healthy family. Well, I know, I know people with healthy, balanced families that really do still struggle [00:25:00] with depression because they are so focused on judging themselves based off of other people.
I find it most in high achievers. You know, maybe they had a really lovely mom and dad, maybe they have a lovely wife. But all these people were type B and they were type a, and they have, they really struggle because they see all these people being successful and they don't know how to get there. And it's just such a waste at a very real level, because you're actually not going to get there.
If you're not happy. And even if you did get the success, if you're not happy, it's not actually going to be fulfilling. It's going to be you're just going to be looking for the next thing that you want to do. There was a really interesting quote in one of the oh, why am I forgetting his name? The guy who wrote Dilbert It'll come to me, but Scott, the signature, but I can't remember [00:26:00] the name.
Right. He was talking about how, you know, when you have goals and you're really goal oriented, you're working, working, working, working, working, and then you achieve the goal. And it's like kind of a let down. It's like you, that happiness only lasts for a couple minutes for, you know, for just a little bit of time.
And then you're like off to find your next goal working, working, working, and not happy. And I think that some people fall into that trap where they're just always striving for more, without seeing where they are. I couldn't agree more. And people who listen to our podcast. I think midlife crisis is for guys and girls.
That's what happens. I mean, in America, this is a we're in over 80 countries, but especially in America, what you're born at four years old, you start going to school, you're pushed into this ridiculous broken system where you're there from the morning till night, then you come home with homework. So they're teaching you to be workaholics and [00:27:00] inefficient.
Then you go through all that school. Oh, you got to go to college or get a trade right away. Then from there, you start having family, you get in debt with a house and expenses and vehicles. And then by the time you slow down and catch up, you're 40 years old and nobody knows what the hell just happened.
Where did my life go? Is this even what I want? So I think exactly what you're saying is spot on. It's just busy-ness that gets out of the way of life gets in the way of life. Well, and I think that also, when you were talking about school, I think another way school plays into this is that in school, If you did well in one subject and poorly in another subject, you'd ended up getting the compliment sandwich, right?
You'd be you get, oh, you did really well in this, but we really need you to work harder here. And instead of really just validating and praising and celebrating your strengths, you are constantly taught to look at your weaknesses, to be, feel bad about your [00:28:00] weaknesses, to feel like you could push through your weaknesses.
I think that also makes people unhappy because they don't have that sense of balance. Like it's okay. That I'm not good at math. I am actually good at math, but if someone wasn't good at math, like it's okay. Like really all you need is like the beginning of algebra. You can easily get through adult life.
Assuming you're not a rocket scientist or a physicist with like the first semester of algebra and it doesn't matter. And we all these things. Everyone acts like matter so much as a kid, they don't, it doesn't matter if you weren't good at remembering dates who cares when the war of 18, 12 was
it's good to know the themes. Like I'm not saying that education is worthless. Like I think that it's really good to be exposed to the themes, to understand the themes, to know how to research when. [00:29:00] You come up against a question that you can't answer yourself, but so much of how we try to train kids to drive themselves is through shame or through like kind of that nagging, pushing, and that doesn't really teach them how to be self motive.
Yeah, I, I agree completely and it screws up their priorities. It screws up their whole image of themselves and what they're supposed to be. And I mean, I don't want to say obviously not all, I don't even want to say the majority, but I think the majority of people I do know that are really hyper successful achieve.
They weren't good students. They really weren't good students, but they were good learners. They were good at life, but they're not going, you know, music class tat, tat, tat tat their brain. Wasn't wired for that. Right. But what their brain was more was people or business or, I mean, [00:30:00] electronics, it's just a beautiful thing.
So, so now you're learning all this and you're seeing all this and you're helping your friends get careers that were better. Did that help you really settle in your foundation? This is where I belong or did you struggle with you're helping other people and it's hard to help yourself. Ah, so I think that.
When I talk about clarity, I often encourage people to look at 18 month to three year chunks because anyone listening to this podcast is going to be growth oriented. Now not everyone is growth oriented, but anyone that's listening to this is, and if you're growth oriented, you can't just create. Goal that you're going to meet when you're 65 and be happy with that, you're going to be constantly changing the path.
[00:31:00] That's why I really like talking about life path as opposed to life purpose, because I think sometimes when we think about life purpose and clarity, we're still back in that like 1950s mindset. Like I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do, and then I'm going to do it for the rest of my. When that's just not even possible for someone who's growth mindset oriented, because you're going to be constantly changing.
What you really need is a strong and solid embrace of your strengths of your joys, of your loves. So that, that way you're making each of those pivots. From a place of strength where you're going to something that you like. So now, like I've been a coach for 14 years and I've definitely not been static about it because that would not have felt good the times where I have kind of hit a goal and then not really had anything else I was working towards.
Actually [00:32:00] don't they often don't feel good. You feel stuck. You're like, what should I do next? What am I doing? And I actually wrote the clarity journal when I was coming out of one of those phases. I had hit a kind of a really sticky point in my life. I got pregnant with my second kid and I had a really bad chiropractic adjusting.
Like in my first trimester and I was walking with a cane on and off throughout the whole pregnancy. Now my first pregnancy, I was one of those glowing, annoying pregnant people that everyone complains about. I did yoga the day I delivered my son, you know, like, so the second one, it was very demoralizing all of a sudden, like I Like disabled half the time.
And even when I'm not walking with a cane, it's still a real struggle. And then in the third trimester, my husband got a job like his dream job. So we moved from Washington DC to Seattle Washington, [00:33:00] and then poor little dude was born with chronic ear infections. So he was not happy camper for the first year of his life.
The medicine wasn't really clearing them up and it was just, it was miserable. So we all hit those periods of time in our life. Right. We all hit those periods of time where things just aren't working. And when that happens, we have a tendency to just strip down to the bare minimum, just get through it, which is like self protectionary.
Right. You're not gonna be able to like work on your dreams. You're not gonna be able to really be expansive when you're just underwater. But the funny thing that happens is when you're coming back out of that, Like sometimes the adrenaline was just pushing you through it, but when you're coming out of it, you don't recognize that what you really need now is to grow again.
Like what you really need now is to get back in touch with yourself. So I was struggling with what do I [00:34:00] do? Like I really had just been taking clients and hadn't been doing anything else. And a friend of mine. Laughed at me one day. Cause I was talking for like 20th time, what should I be doing? What am I, what am I doing?
This doesn't feel good. Like, should I even be coaching? And she laughed just like, well you're a coach. What would you tell people if they were in this situation? And so I. Very quickly got off the phone with her. I was a little annoyed, but I went and wrote down every question I ask people. And as I was writing down all of these questions and then going back and answering for them for myself, I realized how powerful it is just to get out of your own head and really look at the problem in a different way.
And so, as I was doing this, I realized that the thing that I had given. Well, I was struggling with life cause I really given up my writing and my writing had been a big part of my business. [00:35:00] And I had to let it go because I just didn't have time for it. And once I had that realization, it really helped me lay out the framework for my next steps and my next path, because yeah, I'm still a coach and I still love coaching, but sometimes when you're feeling that sense of stuckness, you almost want to throw out the baby with the bath water, like.
You, it doesn't feel good and you don't really know why. And until you get real clarity until you're able to look outside of yourself and see the whole situation for what it is you make, you don't necessarily make great decisions.
Yeah. And it makes you feel almost a little guilty when you're coaching people when you're going through that. So it's a very hard balance because you really are qualifying. You really do have the ability, but you feel like what's, what's that term people use. Yeah, no [00:36:00] frauds the word, but what's, there's a name for the, the, the psychological syndrome, but that's it.
Yeah. You feel like imposter syndrome? Imposter said hi. Got it. All right, here we go. But I feel like that all the time. I'm like, I struggle with that. I don't know if you do too. Do you struggle with imposter? I do on and off, it kind of depends on what's going on in my life. No, if my life isn't going great, then I feel like imposter syndrome.
So who am I to helps them on when things are going so badly in my own life, but what I help people on is clarity. And I think the thing that's really helped me since writing the clarity journal and really talking about this a lot is just recognizing that like even experts. Have these struggles even experts, even like the best coach, probably even Bernay brown, right.
Have these cycles of meeting to recognize when, what they are doing isn't quite right anymore. [00:37:00] And instead of just throwing them away, recognize it's just time for a pivot. Like it's okay. The past is fine. We can honor and love the past while still deciding that we're going to pivot and move forward in a stronger direct.
Yeah, I couldn't agree more. So now, The clarity journal. If you guys are watching this, some people are watching the podcast, some people listening to the podcast, but Becca was kind of to send me a copy. And I got through the beginning sections and I really like how you laid this out. What she does is she has a quick introduction.
She doesn't belabor it. And then she gets right into ground. That's like first lesson gratitude, write down everything you're grateful for. And that's really what we all need to start. Right. And then she goes through these daily steps and assignments, but then she'll pause and put a little more introduction, a little more explanation.
It's kind of like a guide it's like being coached by Becca. So have you when you put together this curriculum, is this something that you wrote [00:38:00] it, how you like to learn, or is this from the experience you had with your clients or a little. It's a little of everything. I think that actually, as I was writing it, I was coaching myself way more than I normally can miss as I was writing it, I was really going through what I naturally do with my clients and being able to be more methodical about it.
But I also think that like in writing it, I really. I was able to like have a great deal of compassion and channel a great deal of compassion, both for myself, but also for the people reading it. Because I think that when we get stuck, the thing that's hard is that, you know, we are so good at giving advice to other people, or most of us are so good at giving advice to other people.
But when we're trying to give a vice to ourselves, it's, it's too nuanced. It's too, there's too [00:39:00] many excuses. There's too many little pieces of baggage that when we're giving advice to somebody else, it's easy to be like, oh, well you need to ignore that baggage and just move forward. Like, whereas when we're doing it for ourselves, we really need to actually take in the baggage, see what is holding us back and then move forward from there.
I think that's great advice. Now we have listeners all over the world, but humans are humans. It doesn't matter what nation you're from. Doesn't matter. Your social class humans are humans. One race, the human race, but people are listening to you. And 70% of the global population has no idea what they want to do or what they're, what they're supposed to be when they grow up.
So for the people listening myself included right now for everybody. What are the steps, you know, they got your book, but if you were to give them some catalysts start steps, where there were three steps just to get started [00:40:00] and finding your purpose and that like focus, I think it really starts with your strengths.
And I find that people don't really embrace their strengths enough and. So when I say strengths, I am talking about things you are good at. I'm talking about things that you have practiced so much that they come naturally to you, or they may have come naturally to you just straight off the bat. But I find that often when I am talking one-on-one with someone.
I will hear their stories. And as I'm hearing their stories, I try very much to pause and tell them, Hey, I'm hearing this strength or I'm hearing that strength. Are you aware of that strength and how that's playing into the situation you were telling me about? And it's so funny because every time that happens, people kind of pause and they look at me and they're like, well, Yeah.
I mean, it's a strength of mine, [00:41:00] but I really need to talk about this problem. It's like, well, no, you really need to actually embrace that. That is a strength of yours. You really need to acknowledge where the things that you are doing that come easily to you are benefiting your life is I think what happens is, you know, the parts of our job that come easy to us.
They come easy to us. Like we don't, we don't value that about ourselves the same way as a student, our teacher is so focused on the things that we could improve. We take that along is as adults. And so when I am talking to somebody, I really try to like highlight those strengths and really pause and make sure that they start valuing it enough because.
Strengths can do two things. I think if we undervalue them, then we undervalue ourselves. If we undervalue a strength of ours, then quite literally like when we go into a job negotiation or when we ask for a raise [00:42:00] or when we are trying to pitch a new idea, we are not doing it from the strongest possible position.
And then also one of the other things that happens with strengths is the actually. In our personal conflict sometimes, especially in the workplace. Cause what comes easy to you may not come easy to Bob in accounting. You're going to get annoyed at him because he doesn't have that strength instead of looking for the strengths that he has.
And so when you. Appreciate that your strength is yours. And the other people's strengths are equally valuable because it creates this puzzle that just works together. Instead of expecting everyone to have your strengths, then I think that it actually helps reduce friction. Oh, I couldn't agree more. And how many people don't even realize their strengths.
They just think it's common and has no value or worth. And really it's like a [00:43:00] massive gift. It just comes so easy to them that they think it's worthless and they just let people use them, you know, for pennies when they begin lots of dollars. So, yeah, that's great. Now, what would you say. To the person.
Well, first off that was one, know your strengths. What were a couple of other things to get, to get people moving mindfulness? I think that really being mindful about what is triggering you, if you are feeling stuck is really important because when you are stuck, I find. You start snapping at your kids or you snap at your boss, or maybe you're cranky at work, but you're not necessarily going to snap about the thing that needs to change.
You're going to already have been flooded. You're going to already feel stressed and you snap about something stupid and small. And so I think that it's really important to be [00:44:00] mindful about what's going on within yourself, so that. You can really be cognizant of where you are stuck in the first place and what is holding you back.
Okay. And then what would you say to the people who don't see value in themselves? Like if you said, Hey, you're going to be interviewed and you're just going to talk about your strong points and people like, I don't know, Like there's a lot of people who struggle with that. A lot of people there are. So how would you get someone, give us a checklist of our steps?
How do you find what you're good at? That's a huge people wrote books and volumes on this, but we're just trying to at least get the catalyst I'm gonna go to self-compassion. There's a really good. Quiz, I can send you an email with the quiz on that basically is an intake of how self-compassionate you are, [00:45:00] because I think that if you're really not.
If you're really stuck about trying to figure out your strengths, if what I've said resonates, but yet you can't figure out what your strengths are and say, you go and read the clarity journal and you're still stuck. Then I think that the thing was probably a whole holding you back. It's potentially a lack of self compassion.
And there are a lot of really great books about how to build self-compassion. It's not really my specialty, there's also therapy, but I think that someone who is really down in the dumps about what they bring to the world, You know, that's something that you have to tackle first. I think that one of the things that is hard for me is oftentimes I will get someone who just got, let go from their job and they'll contact me and they'll be like, okay, now I want to figure out my life purpose.
But I can hear the depression in their voice still. Like they, you know, being, let go, even if it wasn't for [00:46:00] cause is just such a traumatic experience like this, isn't the time to figure out your life purpose, because I mean, we can work on it. But it's not going to be as satisfying as it would have been if you were in a job.
And we were just moving from one job to the next, because when you are depressed, when you've gone through trauma, it's really hard to get that energy. And I think it's important to be self-compassionate about that. If you're having a hard time summoning that energy, me just telling you, you need to have it is going to make it worse.
Like you need to actually take concrete steps to find it for yourself or to seek out help to find it. Yeah, I agree. And sometimes people, they get in the cycle of the depression and the. I'm never going to get free, or I don't have the money for a counselor. I'm not going to a counselor. You shouldn't mess with my brain, but really the Bible says iron sharpens iron.
So the man that countenance of his friend, if you have a qualified friend or somebody who has their act together, and there's nothing wrong with [00:47:00] talking with a friend like you did, you had friends, you help. And you came up with this beautiful book, right? The Clarins journal. So it works right. But You don't always have to go to a formal counselor.
And especially since a lot of those counselors have problems themselves, right? We all have problems, but some are psychos. So I'm going to be honest, like some of the psychologists and psychiatrists are the most screwed up people. So you have to find good ones. That's, that's the key. Then you have to pay for it.
So. I think that one of the key things is to get yourself out of that loop. So if you're talking to friends, you need to talk to the friend, that's going to speak the truth. You need to really also get out of your excuses. Visits really easy if you're talking to someone and they give you a suggestion to just make excuses for yourself and.
Stay stuck, but you have to actually be open to having these [00:48:00] questions, having the insight, to allow yourself to change. And if you're really hell bent on staying where you are. That's not going to happen, especially without a good counselor. And as you are, right. Not every therapist is good and not every therapist is good for every person.
I think one of the things that's very hard is you know, we. We think, oh, I'm going to go to a professional, but therapy is a lot more like an art than a science. So if it's not a good fit and you've gone to one person and you say, oh, that wasn't for me, it didn't help. Well, you don't really know because you only went to one person.
So I would really. Caution or encourage anyone in this situation to really like dig in like your mental health is worth a lot. I mean, it's worth everything without mental health, without happiness. [00:49:00] What do you have? Like, even if you had a million dollars, happiness is everything. So to not give up on yourself.
Yeah. I'd agree. Because if you're mentally. Upset. You're going to get physically ill. I mean, that's just part of life and to find the right counselor, like you said, I don't want to spend money to sit in a room with somebody. I don't want to, you know what I mean? If I'm going to sit in the room, I mean, I want it to be somebody I like or to talk to somebody, so yeah, I think you're spot on.
So now we got people looking for their strengths and then we have people Taking that next step. And they're saying, okay, I want to do this. You know, I'm mentally getting there, but I just don't see the value inside of me. What do I have to offer the world? Where would you lead those people?
If you're still struggling with. But having someone [00:50:00] else tell you your value is really important. Sometimes I have people go back through and look at their performance. If they have good performance reviews, go back and see what your bosses have said in the past, what do people comment on you about?
But I think that really. If you can't do it internally, and it is a struggle, even after you've read like a couple of self-help books or whatnot, then the next step really is to have somebody try to help you with it because it's usually easier for someone else to see it than it is for you. If you're depressed.
Yeah, I think that's a good generalization for everything. It's always not always, but usually easier for other people to see the problem before you do. Yeah. All right. So now you have people, they have the clarity journal they're working through it. What guidance would you have somebody [00:51:00] working through the clarity journal?
What I mean advice? What advice, what guidance would you give them to work through the book? More effective? I'd say expect starting friction. Anytime you're getting started in something new, it is inherently gonna be a little harder at the beginning. And so if you expect the starting friction, then you're a little less likely to give up at the first sign that it's not working.
And then you can, if you can not give up, but also be somewhat data-driven somewhat What's the word, like making sure that you really are doing the things that need to happen like that. You're not just staying at the beginning, but you're moving forward, solidly while being okay with the fact that if you're starting something.
It's going to take longer, like everything has to take longer than you think. You think it's going to take you a week to write your resume. It's going to take you two [00:52:00] weeks. You think it's going to take you two weeks to build your website. It's probably going to take you three or four and to really not beat yourself up over that.
Cause I think that a lot of times when someone's trying to do something new, that's where the hangup comes is the, you know, maybe they don't have. A lot of cheerleaders around them, maybe, you know, maybe their spouse is kind of like, oh, I'm not sure about this. Maybe their mom is like, you know, that accounting job was really safe, insecure, whatever it is, if you can expect it and normalize it, then I think that it's important.
Then I think it helps you move forward. The example I often give. Think about it, like as like in a sitcom, if you see a woman go into labor, you're going to see her water break and then 30 seconds later, she's going to be in the delivery room. She's going to be like yelling obscenity. Is that her husband [00:53:00] for about two minutes?
And then she's glowing with the baby in her arm. Now we all intellectually know that process takes a lot longer and isn't actually like made for TV, but. Yeah. When we are starting a new project, a lot of times we want it to go like the sitcom or like the Oprah story, but the Oprah story, the wired store magazine story, or whatever, isn't really getting into the nitty gritty.
Isn't getting into the messy and the more that we can expect a messy and normalize the messy, the less we'll beat ourselves up. If we hit a little bit of a hiccup. Yeah. And I couldn't agree more now seeing all that, whether it's personal professional, what's the top thing that was just devastating you, that you had to overcome, like something you had to face you had to overcome, but you use these steps to do it.
And how did you do it? Cause it's not as easy as 1, 2, 3. So what were you [00:54:00] facing that was blocking you, that you use steps in overcame?
I've never been asked that question, but I actually, now that I think about it, I feel like I use these steps to overcome the physical problems. I ha I developed while I was pregnant because they didn't go away after I gave birth. Like they were quite a central part of my life for a couple of years after my son was born and like both being kind and compassionate to myself.
And also just not giving up and seeing the next person and, you know, getting advice and accepting advice. Because I think one of the things that happens to us, you know, when we've been told that nothing's going to be able to change, is that. Like we become hopeless. And so then if someone else gives us advice, we [00:55:00] may, we may dismiss it out of hand.
And actually that's what happened to me. Like I, I had gone to plays, I'd gone to physical, the couple of different physical therapists and a couple of different doctors and they all helped. But nothing actually stuck. And it was like, I final doctor who I wasn't even going to see her about this. I was just like, it was just my annual exam with a new doctor.
And I was, she was just really great at asking questions like, well, I have this hip issue that I've always like that comes and goes and has been a big pain in the neck. They're just like, oh, she asked me to describe all of the symptoms and she's like, well, you need to do these five exercises. I was like, she don't want me physical therapist.
I've been to lady like, this is not like, like, I don't believe you. And I'm below and behold, like it worked, I stopped having those pains and they do come back every once in [00:56:00] awhile. But if I go back to those five exercises, it clears it right up. So it's just that, like, I don't use my muscles quite right.
And so sometimes one of my muscles gets weak and. You know, like the not giving up and continuing to be somewhat hopeful, or even if you have given up and aren't hopeful, still trying advice as you're giving it. I think that that's really important. All right. Excellent. Yeah. I couldn't agree more and never quit, you know, and there's.
I dunno. I think there's a solution to everything out. Every problem out there has a solution and worst case scenario, life is average 70, 80 years, and then we got attorney. So we're good there, right? No, God trust them. You're good to go. But on the surface, man, there's so few things that really don't have solutions.
Even if we don't understand it, maybe we can't control it. There are solutions. So I agree with what you're saying, but the main thing is you might [00:57:00] as well. So you die, don't quit. Cause that's just an empty existence. I mean, that's how I feel like let's fight and die. I'd rather fight and die than live a miserable life.
Yeah. So, all right, well, let's do this Becca between your birth and today, is there anything we missed in your life story that you want to share with our community? Small window to cover fall window. I really wanted to be an astronaut. If you like ask me when I was 10, what I wanted to do, I wanted to be an astronaut and I actually saved up all of my babysitting money for multiple years in a row and sent myself to space camp because my parents didn't have the money to send me.
So, and then at space camp, the final time I was. I realized there was no way I was going to ever be able to be an astronaut because I get severely motion sick and that put the [00:58:00] kibosh on that. I'm sure. There's other ways you can enjoy that, but it's not your career path. And now you're helping people.
You're helping people and you're doing a great job with it. All right. Well, what about, where are you today? Where are you today and where are you heading? Becca? So we as a community, you just helped us give us great ideas and starting points and tips. How can we help you? Well, you check out the clarity journal on Amazon.
And also like, even if you're not in the place where you're stuck, I am sure, you know, someone who is and passing along with clarity journal could be a really good gift to help them start moving through. So maybe they're not complaining to you as much. And I, I just don't know. Like, I think that honestly, You taking the time to really know yourself and listen to yourself and any warning signs so that you continue moving on as strongly as possible.
That is the biggest gift you can give to [00:59:00] anybody. Yeah. And we're recording this it's in December, so it's the holiday season, right? This wasn't going to release until 20, 22, but every day is a gift. Every day is a day. We should be investing in ourselves and others. So. If you have the need by it. If you have the need through UC, a friend having that need by it, it's like a few bucks on Amazon, but it can make a huge difference.
And it's not about the money it's about each other. So. I check it out. Like I said, I really like it. I started working through it. I really enjoy it. I'm going to continue on, so thank you back for sending me a copy. Thank you so much. Yeah. And like our slogan says, ladies and gentlemen, you've heard this about 80 times now.
I think we're in episode right around 80. Give or take a couple, but don't just listen to this great advice from Becca. Do it, repeat the good stuff. So you can have a great life in this world and attorney to come. So I'm David passport. This was [01:00:00] Baca and Becca, any final parting thoughts that you want to share with our audience, just that you're worth it.
And you do actually have a lot of strengths. And the more that you can really acknowledge that you are worth it and come from a place of strength, the better your life's going to go. Amen to that. On that note, we will close. Thank you for listening today. Check out the past episodes. They're all evergreen check out the future episodes.
Don't forget all the notes, all the links we talked about with Becca. We'll even put you say we can get a link to that. The quiz you were saying, it's somebody else's. I will send you the link though. Yeah. But we'll even put that link in the show notes. We'll put a link to the book on Amazon and check out the show notes.
And then if you have any questions, reach out to Becca. If you have any questions for me, reach out to me, we'll do whatever it can we can do to help you. So I'm David paswan. This was back a thank you [01:01:00] back, or you're truly a remarkable woman and to our listeners have a great day and we'll see you soon.