In this Remarkable episode, today's guest explains how despite the changes and/or obstacles that come our way, we are always the one in control. It's time to move forward and move ahead now, not later. "Out with the OLD, and In with the BOLD!" This massive mindset and life change begins with overcoming the fear and procrastination in our lives that prevents us from taking those first steps towards better careers, relationships, and better "you's"!
From learning that Life is short and we get what we settle for, to understanding how we can start Overcoming the fears that prevent us from moving on to greater things, to Putting our fears in the "friend zone." Gentlemen and Ladies, all this and more in this hour of power. Welcome to the Jennifer Maurer story!
Jennifer is an established Certified Life Coach and author of "5 Steps to Freedom From Fear," a simple guide to removing the obstacles that prevent us from realizing our fullest potential by putting fear in the "friend zone." As a divorced mother of two, Jennifer has experienced the challenges of having to reinvent herself after significant life changes and pave the way to a better future. She now helps others to realize that when life throws you a curve-ball, it's time to take your best swing. It's a time for growth and reinvention. Her mantra: "You get what you settle for," a belief which she utilizes as the foundation for her teachings and credits for her success.
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Hello friends. I'm David Pasqualone and welcome to this week's episode of the remarkable people podcast. The Jennifer Maurer story. This episode is the hour of Mauer filled with power, and you will enjoy it, sorry for the cheesy rhyme, but she's amazing remarkable woman. She's going to go through living.
With gratitude, overcoming fear showing you how she made it through a hard divorce. [00:01:00] Where she's at today, helping other people overcome fear and finding their passion and so much more like most of our episodes, this episode goes deep and wide. Jen and I talk very openly and personal, have a going back and forth communication.
And there's a lot to learn. Not because we're teaching you because all truth comes from God. And we're just applying what we've learned. What we've seen work, and we want you to have that victory too. So check out this entire episode of the podcast, share it with your friends and family. Reach out to us with a review or a like, or, you know, send us an email.
And at the end, there's a special offer from our sponsors. So right now we're gonna take a quick break. You're going to hear from our sponsors, then you're going to hear the remarkable story. Of Jen Mauer. And then at the end, you're gonna get a special offer and then we're going to do it all [00:02:00] again next week.
So I'm David Pascoe alone. Welcome to the remarkable people. Hot cast. We love you. We can't wait to hear how this episode has helped. You had a better life and we can't wait to help you in any way we can. Thanks for listening. Enjoy the word from our sponsor in this great episode.
Hey, Jennifer, how are you today? I'm doing great. David, how you doing? I'm doing fantastic. And I'm looking forward to our remarkable interview. I just told our community all about you. And now's the time where you get to share your story, go through your past the present, bring us into the [00:04:00] future, and then not only tell us a great thing that's, God's done in your life and what you've achieved and what you've overcome, but please share with us the practical steps, how you did it.
So we can too. And then at the end of the episode, we're in a transition. It like we always do in two where's Jen today. And how can we help you get to your next goal? Sound like a plan. Sounds perfect. All right. So what time will you. Oh, my God. I was born at 1:01 AM. I was going to know that. Did you Detroit, Michigan.
That's fantastic. Well, you don't need to go back that far. We did have one guest in episode three James Cisco, and he started with his legitimate birth because he was given to the wrong parents. Well, that's a reason to start with. Yeah, for sure. That's worth telling mine's not that intriguing. Not at the bit.
Well, I'm sure it is just not from the moment you were born. So go ahead and tell us your story and thanks so much for being here. Well sure, thanks for having me. I appreciate it. And I want to thank all your [00:05:00] listeners too, for tuning in. You know, I feel like I really love doing these types of events because I think we all have something to learn from one another based on where we come from, we, you know, our lives are our own individual fingerprint and they start off from day one until the day it ends with something very unique.
And if we can learn something from one another, you know, I think that's a really cool thing. So I do want to thank you for letting me share my story in hopes that maybe some of your listeners can draw a little something from it. You know, my childhood, I grew up in Michigan and it was a pretty regular normal type childhood, which I'm so grateful for.
You know, mom, dad, sister cat great grandparents. And I really feel that. You know, I was raised in a Christian household. We, you know, I was raised Catholic. I was very thankful to have that foundation, you know, given to me at an early age that you never really sense that you are alone in this world and whatever happens and all, you kind of got a lifelong partner.
And so, you know, I [00:06:00] want to say that my childhood was very much just kind of being cultivated and, and trying to understand like everyone else where the pegs fit, you know, and then as I grew older into my twenties and went out into the world on my own, I was very independent. And by the age of 18 was in the workforce and really kind of was raised with that work ethic.
You know, you kind of start at the beginning, a very humble beginning and you work your tail off to get what you want in life. And I feel like I did that, you know, through my twenties. Okay. You know, one and two, the mortgage industry. By the time I was 29 years old, I had reached the level of assistant vice president at the fifth largest lender in the country.
And worked hard to get there, you know, and there were, there were struggles too, you know, that was at a time when, you know, we're dating myself, but we were looking back into the eighties, I guess the early to mid eighties interest rates were like 17% on a mortgage. Correct? Yeah. When I got into the mortgage industry, they were [00:07:00] 20%.
I thank the Lord for Ronald Reagan, man. He fixed that. I tell you what, and it made it very interesting. And again, this was probably one of my first experiences in how to adapt to a less than profitable, you know, industry. It was due to circumstances with the economy and whatnot. It really kind of forced everybody to figure out how to get people in the houses.
And that's where the adjustable rate mortgage was literally created. Like, okay, nobody qualifies for a 20% loan. Maybe we can qualify them for a 5% loan and then graduated as they go. So I kind of got to be around in the industry at the, at the turn turning point where a lot of different new programs and innovative things were happening.
So that was kind of interesting as well. But yeah, I mean, I had a pretty fulfilling career, you know, my twenties was spent balanced between, you know, having fun and traveling. I was I love to travel, always like to try. And then working really hard on my career. So, I mean, I was at a stage for several years where I didn't see the light of day.
I was in the office at six in the morning. I didn't leave till nine or 10 o'clock [00:08:00] at night. I had very little time off at all. But when I did, you know, I do like to travel. I'm a beach girl. I, I love to go to tropical locations in any place that's warm. You'll never catch me going on. And Alaskan cruise to Alaska, you have a beautiful state, but you know, cold.
Yeah. I, I love Alaska. I've been there several times, but I live at Pensacola being shot that speaks for itself. You know what I mean? It kinda does. Now, when you were traveling at this point where you married children at that point. Okay. So that way you could just focus on the career, not feel any guilt about having family at home.
Got you. I really did make a conscious. To not get married in my twenties. I really wasn't even dating that much, to be honest with you. I was so focused on my career and on travel and on my family. And you know, my mom, my dad and my sister, I was very fulfilled. I'm not going to lie. I just didn't see the need or have the urge [00:09:00] really to go out and, and you know, like many women my age, they were looking for Mr.
Right. You know, they were looking to get married. And so, yeah, no, I really thoroughly enjoyed it. I had some type of wisdom. I like to think that I've always been very good at living in the moment. And in that moment, no matter what I was doing. Maybe just saying a quick prayer of thanks. Let me just kind of burn this in my memory.
This is part of my growth. This is part of my experience, and I want to remember this because things are always going to be like this. You know, I learned very young, that change is the only thing we can really count on in life. We death in Texas. So I adjusted to change very early on in my life. And as I went through different changes with whether it be jobs or relationships or places where I was living I just always kind of tried to hold onto that and save her that knowing one day I would look back and never wanted to look back with regret that I took it for granted or that I didn't appreciate it.
So when the time came and my early thirties I did meet a man and fell in love and got married at the [00:10:00] age of 30, 34. Wait, Jen, before you get, excuse me, before you get to that point in the story. Cause they're all our listeners like right at the edge of the seat and I interrupt. Right. But let's go back.
I make that your first like real talking point, moment. There's things that are Nate, just God put in us. There's things that are learned behavior, but there's also things that we practice and we get good at whatever we practice. You said you're really good at living in the moment. That's something most of us struggle with, we're thinking about the past and we've got this, you know, steel monkey on our back dragging us down, or we're thinking about the future and not enjoying the present.
How, what tips do you have for our listeners about living in the moment and just living in the now? I, you know, that that's a really good question. And one thing comes to mind as an immediate answer, which somebody said to me many years ago, and it really stuck with me. And I utilized it [00:11:00] frequently. And there's a reason that the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield.
And that really resonated with me in terms of looking back, you know, because I think what prevents a lot of people from living in the moment is they live in the past. I know, I still know, you know, some people that really, really do that. And it almost makes me sad because although I believe looking back to me, one of the greatest gifts we ever got as humans is a memory because.
Those good memories. You can pull up in times that aren't so good for you. If you're missing someone you've lost. If you're missing a time that you limit, you can go back into your memory and relive it. It's yours. It's a gift that's just handed to you as being able to relive that again, as often as you want, that's the good looking in the past and my mind.
And I call upon those memories whenever I need them. What's not so healthy. And I think [00:12:00] what a lot of people tend to do, which is very easy to do when things aren't going well, particularly why can't it be like it was then, you know, when I was younger, I didn't have all these bills when I was younger.
I didn't have this problem. When, when I was doing this job instead of this one, it was, and we're always comparing our now to the past. And you know, that's what gets us into trouble because. Instead of really, I think gratitude. And I'm going to say that word a lot, probably that during this talk gratitude to me is what pulls you right back into the present.
Because we can always look at what we don't have. It's easy. You and I could sit here right now, David, and come up with 10 things that we wish were better in our life. I'm sure. I turn out as well as I wanted to today. Right? Okay. So there's like a million things or we can sit down and say, okay, put all that aside.
What are 10 things that are going right? And this is one of the things that I've always done to live in the moment is because when you get too caught up about looking too far into the future, you can get overwhelmed. You can get [00:13:00] disheartened, you can get impatient. And so when you're in that moment great thing to do is to take stock of what's going well.
That makes you want to be in the moment when, you know, you can always come up with 10 things and there have been. David were those 10 things were pretty basic. It's not raining today. The sun came out today, you know, there were days I really had to stretch and pull and draw, you know, when things were really going rough they, weren't so easy to come by.
It's really great to have somebody stand up here and say, oh, just be grateful for all you have and all this stuff. But you know, sometimes that literally means, you know, I got out of bed, you know, sometimes it's just those things because our perception of what we're grateful for changes depending on our circumstances.
Right. So great point. So if you're listening, listen to what Jen is saying and think about it. Sometimes we go so fast and it's so second nature to you. That really, what we have to think is you have to put effort into having a good attitude. You have to put effort [00:14:00] into having gratitude sometimes. And again, the more we do it, the easier it gets.
But what Jen is saying is she doesn't just wake up like that older salesmen and you know, Jerry Maguire, Hey, today's going to be a great day. Sometimes you wake up like, oh, I got it. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. You know, so that a great point. Thank you for keep, keep going. But I just wanted to make sure that our listeners, aren't just taking that for granted.
That's a gym. I hate that. And you're right. It just like many things in life. Gratitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. You know, the things that happen to us or we perceive happen to us don't happen to us. They are circumstances surrounding us and how we perceive that is what is going to make the difference between moving forward in a, in a positive light.
And getting stuck in something, because when you start to play victim, this is happening to me over and over again. You know, the world keeps giving me this or whoever you're blaming the, you know, the universe or God or the devil [00:15:00] or whoever. No we're responsible. I did learn that, that we have a lot more power within us than we think we should use that every day.
Yeah. And for those of you watching, I was laughing, not at Jen when she said that, because you know, the old saying the devil made me do it, sadly. It's not always a devil. A lot of times it's just us. So I agree with you completely, you know, we got to self reflect and have a positive attitude to be Christ, like.
Not just be who we are by our carnal natural state. So if you saw me laughing on camera, that's why ladies and gentlemen. All right, so you, you're 30, you meet this man. We'll pick up the story there. I didn't mean to cut you off, but I definitely wouldn't. Oh, please feel no seriously. Please feel free to interject any time, David, because I do have a tendency to talk a little fast and sometimes my thoughts get ahold of my, and I do want some of this stuff to resonate stuff that may seem second nature to me may not be to somebody else just like when I'm listening to someone and I'm looking [00:16:00] to gather or learn something from them.
You know, I want to make sure that I'm getting the full impact of it. So actually I appreciate you doing that on, well, there's a point right there. Not, not to just give you praise, but if you're listening, ladies and gentlemen, Jen's like obviously a remarkable person she's on our show. She's been there, done that.
Like she said, she was a VP of a mortgage industry, top five in her twenties. And she's going to continue with her. But she also has a teachable spirit. She's always looking, how can I grow? How can I get better? And then I need to be that way you, as the listener needs to be that way, we all need to be that way, because it doesn't matter if you are the expert in something.
If you think you've achieved all knowledge in that area here, self this evening, sadly mistaken. That's like when somebody tells you how humble they are, I love that. Especially in finding I'm so humble. I'm so humble. I'm like, if you are homeless attributes. Yeah, I am so humble. But anyways, ladies and gentlemen, that's just a real, all the people I [00:17:00] know that are just remarkable people and great people and achieving them, like they're always lifelong learners and how can I be better?
And, you know, okay. I have the fastest mile in the world, but how can I shave off a hundredth of a second? You know, that's just the winner's attitude. So thank you for having that and sharing that on the podcast. No problem. I really feel like we all have to beat ourselves with our own game and be much less concerned with other people around us.
It's always just about being your personal best. And I think as long as you do that, Hey, you'll be happier. You won't be tying yourself up and knots all the time. You only got one competition and that's yourself. But secondly, you're going to tend to do much better. And so I, you know, I feel I'm not, I'm not humble.
I'm humbled by the fact that the more I know, the more I realize how much, I don't know, 150,000 million percent, if that's a real number. No, I agree. Yeah, no, and that's the way I feel with a relationship with God too, [00:18:00] you know, the closer you get with God. And it's a good thing. It's you filled with love, but the closer you get with God, you realize how little you really know and how unimportant we are and how disgusting we are and how good God is.
And you see his love, like you were saying before, all the things we have choices in, Love's a choice. And that's why it's amazing that God loves us and a weekend with him. So go on. Speaking of love, you're 30 years old. I am 30 years old. Actually it was 32, I think. And you know, like everything else I did in my life, like I'm very decisive.
I'm the kind of person that goes into a store. I see something. I like the price is good. I buy it. I don't look back. I don't go to 19 different stores to see if I can find a better price and do all this. Right. And so I I'm just using that as an example. I'm not meaning to imply. That's how I found a husband, but it's like, what, what I know, I know.
Right. And so I really enjoyed my twenties. I worked really hard. I felt like I had established my independence. I could support myself. I had. And then, [00:19:00] you know, I came across this man who was nothing like me and just, you know, very engaging, very charming, really good man, salt of the earth, you know, in the trades, you know, just a super guy and fell in love very quickly with him.
And we got married. We had two beautiful children and for the course of the next 15 years after that, I was blessed enough to leave the workforce. He provided enough income so that I could stay home and raise the kids. And again, this was another. That we made, we literally sat down and said, okay. So if you keep working, he was making pretty decent money.
I was making pretty decent money. He said, if, if we both keep working, we can have a nice big house. We can have a couple of BMWs in the driveway. You know, we'll be able to go on more vacations or you stay home with the kids. And we live in an average sized house with an average size used car and maybe a little money in the bank and a vacation a year.
What's it going to be? And it was unanimous. Both of us just [00:20:00] decided obviously that the priority was for mom to be home with the kids. And I was so grateful that I had that opportunity. And I believe me, I don't judge women that make a different decision to go into where like everybody's thing is their own.
There is no right or wrong way to do it, but for me, that was important. And so I was very grateful. Every single moment I got to stay home with those kids. That's awesome. Yeah. And I completely resonate with that. I just think we can't get time back. We can get cars, we can get houses, we can get stuff, but we can't get time back.
So even in my life, huge regrets where I'm like, man, I made such stupid decisions when I could just play with my kids, played Legos or watched a Barbie movie. You know what I mean? So I think that's parent guilt and I even still have that. I mean, I was a stay at home mom and I still look back on times where I feel like I could have done more.
I could have spent a little bit more time with them. I think as parents, if we care about our role as a. Yeah, that is just one of those areas that I'm still [00:21:00] working on it where I just am constantly beating myself up. And I'm just constantly, always reevaluating how I can do better, how I can handle situations better.
Cause they don't come with instruction manuals, David. No. Well, I mean we, yeah, no, I know what you're saying. We got the Bible it's got seriously. I've already answered every question, but sometimes unique situations come up that like it's not spelled out, but like cell phones alone for all the parents listening, it's like suicide to give your kid a cell phone, you know, emotional because you know, I heard someone say, if you had a porn magazine and you folded it up and putting your kid's jacket pocket and tapped and said, don't worry.
Yep. What kid male or female is not going to look at that magazine eventually. And we're giving our kids cell phones that just are not great. Yeah. Can you do great things with it? Absolutely. Kind of thing. Yeah. Is there a hundred times more evil? Yeah. So my special note, and I don't want to get Jen and Charlotte, my [00:22:00] special note is be really smart about giving your kids a phone.
If you do man, put covenant eyes or some kind of protection on it to keep your kids pure. Because once that twist happens in the mind, it's hard to undo if it's even possible. Yeah. That's actually, you know, that's, that's a great little PSA there, David, because I, I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, believe me, we can have a whole other podcast on the goods and bads and do's and don'ts of the technology and how it impacts our kids.
I mean, I'm actually thinking about writing my next piece. For parents and kids to learn how to kind of separate themselves from that media influenced social media and regular they're being so inundated these days. And regardless of what you believe politically, religiously or anything else there's, there's a basic common denominator that we need to be focused on and what, what the media is doing in my opinion is doing its best to distract us from that, which is right.
And so I could go off on a whole tangent about that. So yeah, listeners, listen to what David said and I agree. All right, well, [00:23:00] you don't have to agree, but I do. I think anybody that just looks at stuff with common sense, looks at history, looks at what's going on today. You can't help, but see the media influencing us and you know, it's all for profit and it's all for manipulation.
But when it comes to a cell phone, men, women, boys, girls, I know people were seven years old, just addicted because they got the phone. They started playing with. And now they're hooked and their rates of men, you know, we always think men adulterers men into porn. The growth rate among women is exponentially higher than men.
So there's not as many women yet, but they're growing faster. And the adultery rate right now in our country, there's more women having affairs in men. And it's because all this porn and all this, what's the word perversion, it's all perversion. Like there's kids doing stuff and adults doing stuff. This is wrong.
And our immediate says, [00:24:00] this is right. So anyways, you meet your husband. You guys get married, you have two beautiful children. You have the privilege to stay home with them. Where does it go from there, Jen? It goes down the rabbit hole. That's what I mean. This is unfortunately not an uncommon tale. But you know, after that 15, 16 year mark, I feel like we.
We just started growing into different directions and I've thought about it. He thought about it. You try to put your finger on it. There isn't really any one thing that I don't even know if it's anything that you can really describe accurately. And I really, you know, at the end of the day, he got an opportunity to go out to another state to work.
And we, you know, he took it, it was with the same company, but it was like a transfer temporarily. And we thought, okay, you know what? This is, this is going to be very telling it's going to be a good kind of a trial separation for us. And it, and it did work out to become you know, really obvious, really quick that it just, it was a marriage [00:25:00] that wasn't working anymore.
It was becoming more restrictive and more harmful, not in terms of any type of abuse or physical or verbal abuse, but just emotionally for both of us to stay in that same place. So it was a mutual decision for us to set up. And how old are your kids? You said you was 15 or 16 years of the marriage.
Yeah, my kids, my, my son was just becoming a freshman in high school and my daughter was just graduating high school. She was in her senior year of high school. So know I said, well, if they're older, they'll understand, but you know, it's also tougher on them because, you know, as you know, those, those years are very tough on, on teens.
They're trying to kind of get a handle on who they are and where they fit in. And they've got all these influences hitting them and peer pressures of school and all this kind of stuff. So it was not an easy time for either of Mike. It wasn't an easy time for any of us. And, and at the same time, what happened was my mother became very ill.
I was very close to my mom. She was my [00:26:00] touchstone, basically. Her and my husband were my two, my two best friends. And so now he's in Texas and my mother passed away. And my daughter is preparing to go off to college, which is four hours away. So she's not leaving the house for the first time since we've had her.
And so my son's going into high school. And we're all trying to cope with just a lot of loss. You know, it's like what, what happened one minute where mom and dad and grandma's around and everything's great. And now, you know, we're mourning the loss of my mother, the loss of my marriage, you know, my daughter going off to college, which I wasn't mourning that I was very excited for her.
But mourning the loss of her in the house where she was under my protective wing for all those years, she's now going out, which I wanted her to do. And that's a normal, that's a normal, normal part of growth. So you're always battling as a mom and as a parent with those two different things, what, you know, your kids should be doing and what you encourage them to do, because it's best [00:27:00] for them.
But secretly inside that mom, part of you is dying just a little bit. It's just saying this has to happen. This is a good fit. This is, I'm doing the right thing for them. But for me as a mom, I get to take a minute and feel sorry for myself because my baby's leaving my house. But, yeah, so I mean, that, that was tricky.
And now here I find myself in a situation where after being out of the workforce for almost 20 years now having to say, okay, Jen, where do you fit in now? You know, after having been out for 20 years, where do you even start? I really didn't want to go back to the industry. I wasn't in mortgage banking so much had changed.
Wasn't a hundred percent crazy about it when I was doing it. And I thought, you know, what, if I've got a claim sleep here and I need to kind of reinvent myself, then I better pick something that is going to be where I feel like I'm making some kind of an impact because in those moments where you're really feeling like.
The bottom dropped out. [00:28:00] People say, well, what do I do to feel better? I just feel depressed. I can't get out of this. And you know, don't, I don't want to make this sound like, oh, that'll happen. And then I got this job and now I'm here. And everything's great. I went through a very long period of mourning and trying to figure out what in the heck I was going to do.
I mean, there were moments where I literally said, how did I get here? Like, what happened? It's like a snow globe when you're sitting there nice and peacefully. And somebody picks up this snow globe and just shakes the heck out of it and everything you knew to be true. It's just coming down in pieces right then.
So I don't want to undervalue what it took to kind of get through that emotionally, not just for myself, but for my kids. Cause, keep in mind, like I could not. I couldn't afford the time to really think too much about myself at that stage. Right. I had to figure out how to make money. I had to make sure my daughter was adjusting to her first year in college without her grandmother and her dad and mom separated and having to deal with the college, you know, freshmen, whatever they call it [00:29:00] and my son adjusting to high school.
So I had to do a lot of soul searching and praying and give me a sign every day. Am I headed in the right direction? Am I not? And what it boiled down to is really putting my effort towards reaching outside of myself and trying to help others. To me, that's always instilled is to this day, the best distraction it makes whatever you're going through.
Look not as severe because I can guarantee you you, you don't have to look far ever to find somebody who's got it way worse than. So if I'm hearing you correctly, what you're saying is if you're feeling depressed, if you're in a rut, all you want to do is cry or crone bed, or feel sorry for yourself.
What you're saying is a great first step is find somebody that needs help and help them. Yep. That's the fastest way. It's not going to be a pill. It's not going to be a drink is not going to be, it's going to be reaching out to somebody less fortunate than you are. So. And, [00:30:00] you know, and let me just say this too, cause I think, you know, we always hear that term, get over it, stop feeling, sorry for yourself, do this.
It is important to take that moment and honor whatever you're feeling. I do want to make that really clear. Don't immediately go to what everybody says or what the general consensus is that, you know, you, you, you're not allowed that because if we don't stop and honor what we're feeling, whether it's a sense of betrayal or fear or sadness, sometimes it's a multitude of those things going on at one time.
And if we don't let ourselves experience that just for a little bit, you don't have to wallow on it. You'll know when you're wallowing in it. Believe me when you give it too much credit, it takes on a whole different feel. But in that beginning, when you're feeling it truly deeply, it's okay to have yourself a good cry or to isolate yourself for a little bit, you know, do, do something healthy.
But when it's time to pull yourself out of it and you're struggling with that, that's where you go and you say, all right, who needs. Tony's, I don't care if it's a homeless shelter. I don't care if it's working with some kids at a school. [00:31:00] I know for me, and my experience was always come up is some uncanny happenstance either in my day or my week where some, something comes into my reality.
If somebody comes into my reality where I spot it and go, okay, that's the one I'm supposed to help. That's what's going to help me get out of this is helping this person. So this is interesting, you know, how things work and just, you know what you're saying? I mean, the Bible says commit that works unto the Lord and I thought shall be established.
So a lot of times you're just going to start doing the right things and then our mind gets reprogrammed. And when you were saying that you hear the story, do you ever hear the song, count your blessings or count your many blessings? Do you ever hear the background to that song? Like the lady who wrote it.
No, it was exactly what you're talking about. So if you're a listener, I'll put a link in the show notes to this song, count your blessings. I can't send you. I'm going to lose. Listen, you'll lose everybody if I start. Eh, so anyways, but this song [00:32:00] count your blessings. There was a lady who is depressed all the time and she kept going to her pastor for help.
And you know, when you go to summer for help, that's one thing. But you can also be a time suck and a life suck. And this guy said, the only way she's going to heal is to get out of herself. Exactly what you're saying to help others. So every time she came to him, he was like, Hey, I have no problem helping you, but I'm super busy.
And Martha needs groceries. Can you go deliver the groceries? Then we'll talk. So then she did that. And then she came back and he's like, Hey, you know, I have no problem talking to you, but you know, once your face, his kids are sick. She needs somebody to run to the grocery store and get the medicine. So she did that.
And then the lady is like, oh, I don't need help. I'm busy helping other people. And she got out of her lifelong depression. So that's where that song came from. Yes. It's the absolute best distraction. Yeah. Yeah. So keep going. So now you're going through this crazy time. Your kids are going through your crazy time.
It's natural and I'm scared to death, by the way. I can't imagine [00:33:00] I am filled with fear. Because now my number one thing is I'm going to let everybody down. I'm not going to be able to do this. You know, I'm every negative self talk dialogue that you can imagine that I had with myself, you know, and then you will, we always tend to kind of blame ourselves for things.
Then we start blaming other people for things that only puts you deeper in a rough. And so, yeah, I thought, you know, okay. So just one, one thing at a time, you know, I'm just going to focus on finding a job that is meaningful to me and maybe something where I'm not even making as much money in the beginning.
I wasn't very marketable by the way. And you know, and this is another many of my clients are women who are in a similar situation where they were home with their kids. They were married for many years. Now they're entering back into the workforce. They're trying to reinvent themselves with brand themselves, whatever.
And how do I get past those fears in order to actually put myself out there and to rebuild my confidence that I can actually do this again. And so, and that's where I was by the way I was in that [00:34:00] place. And so it, can I ask you, it's a personal question. It's up to you. You don't have to answer, but in your marriage.
Besides us, we're just not getting along where there other factors. Cause a lot of times like adultery or something like that happens in the marriage and that really destroys you because it's not how God designed that. It's not how God intended it. And then it's like, was it me? What happened? How could have I avoided this?
And even if you did nothing wrong, we'll get stuck in that cycle of questioning and blame and doubt and living in the past. Was any of that part of your life or how did that work? I think there was a lot of you know, and again, it's so hard to not really, here's what I'm going to say about adultery.
And I've seen that a lot where it is more a symptom of something that's already gone. Anybody who is happily married feels valued, feels like they're being taken [00:35:00] care of. It's not about to risk that or in very few circumstances, are they actually going to go out and with a man or a woman? Right.
And I have many men friends I've always had more men, friends and women, friends. I don't know why that is, but even in high school, I just always connected really well with men as friends. And so I've had the opportunity to learn from them over the years too. And I used to say to them, like, what makes a guy cheat?
Like what makes a husband floor on his wife? Like, I want to understand this and you know, really, we all want the same. We're not that different. Yeah. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus and yes, we approach things differently. We may think about things differently, but we want the same things and we want respect.
We want warmth. We want appreciation. All of those things we want. And so when one or both parties doesn't feel like they're getting that from the other and both have to be in it a hundred percent marriage isn't 50, 50 marriage is a a hundred hundred. And so both have to be in that deal a hundred percent not split and stuff down the middle because, well, that's well said.
And if somebody is like 50, 50, I agree that's a hundred, a hundred. You give [00:36:00] everything. Exactly. And if, if, if one or both of those are no longer prepared to do that and not even maybe consciously, but that percentage starts to slip down and then things start to get broken down and communication starts to break down and resentments start to build, and then dishonesties come into play.
And so, you know, What I will say is that I hope that my ex-husband feels this way too. I don't really blame him for, for a lot. And I, and I'm trying not to blame myself for a lot because we both played our part in the downfall of our marriage. Right. There's an, I don't care what you say. I mean, there are some situations maybe where, you know, it's one sided, but she's usually two parties in every relationship and there's truth, somewhere in the middle.
I found in many cases, not at all, I'm not trying to generalize. But yeah, I, I feel like whenever a marriage breaks down, you're naturally going to look to yourself for what part you played in that. And I was trying to own [00:37:00] that part of it, which was mine. I know it wouldn't change anything because I think the feeling was just not there anymore for either one of us.
And then we decided we were going to be better as co-parents one more night. Escalating to that point where we're fighting. I never got to that point where we were, you know, we had a couple, but for the most part, we were able to reason stuff out. We even earlier in the marriage, when we would have fights, they were never screaming.
Knock down drag outs. We're really good at communicating. So he said, let's not ruin that and let this deteriorate to the point where it does become really harmful, not just to ourselves, but to our kids. And so when we made the decision to separate, we were both very careful to let the kids know that this is nothing to do with them.
And we tried to guide them through it the best that we could. But does that kind of answer your questions? Yeah, absolutely. It just there's so many times, like I just, after 21 years, my marriage just ended this year. And as you know, I mean, like you said, it's a hundred, a hundred, nobody's [00:38:00] perfect. But there was this thing, bad decisions made in our marriage that I didn't make.
And I still am struggling with. What could I have done different? And it's like, there's really nothing like, and I, you know, I talked to my, several counselors about one is Rob Jackson. He's been on the podcast and I started working with him and I have to be the best man. I can be. I have to be the best person I can be.
And I've had. A hard time adjusting and I'm still bitter. I'm not going to lie to you and you're going to be for awhile. And you know, what you're most bitter about is the fact that because of someone's else's actions, not yours, your happily ever under your happily ever after did not work out and the kids and generations to come.
Yeah, no truck that is, but for your kids, you know how many times I looked at my kids and thought, I didn't want this for you. This is not what I wanted for you. This is not my plan. Unfortunately, your plan no longer just involves [00:39:00] you. It also involves the actions and feelings of someone else who you can't control.
Yeah. Yeah. So on that train like me and you, aren't the only two people, sadly, in this case for our listeners out there struggling right now with a broken marriage, what were the steps that helps you heal? What were the steps that help you get over? Because time heals, but when you're working. Time makes things worse if you're stuck in the bitter cycle.
So what do you recommend to people to get them out and to be healthy again? Well, I feel like I'm acknowledging it. First of all, that it's time really is going to be the biggest one, because no matter how hard you try, you're not going to flip that switch and the bitterness and the sadness and the emptiness, and the fear is just going to go away.
And like anything else remember back in your life when you've gone through difficult times and other circumstances, we know that time heals. We know that time gives us perspective. And even with the regret, you know, because there's things even [00:40:00] to this day that I look back on my marriage and know that I could've done better and feel bad that I didn't and wonder if the outcome might've been different if I had.
And so that would have, could have should is something I actually addressed in my guide is very, very detrimental. Do not let yourself go down that hole. Trying to dissect everything, you know, it's okay to try to understand what's happening and put things in perspective, which will also, I believe happened over time.
But when you start getting into that focus where you're putting too much time and too much emphasis on the negative aspects of what's happening. And then again, it goes down to who is relying on you right now, who needs you more than you need to be wallowing right now, who is being affected by your behavior.
And who's watching how you're managing this. Who's watching how you're doing. And if there are kids involved, especially [00:41:00] for me, the number one priority was them. You know, whether days that I wanted to go and curl up in a ball and stay in my room for three days. Yeah, there was, I didn't want to see the mailman and, but.
To keep that normalcy for the kids who are going through it much more traumatically than you think they are, because believe me, kids know a lot more than you think they do, and they feel much deeper than you think they do. And they're looking to you as a guide on how to manage this, this new way of living.
Yeah. And that's a lot of wisdom. If you're going through this right now, and you have a counselor or a psychologist or psychiatrist, or a friend who says, oh, kids are resilient, they'll get through it, punch him in the face and get out of there. And I'm not even saying figuratively. I might actually punch them in the face if I hear that again, because that is one of the stupidest, most ignorant, harmful things.
They basically tell parents who are hurting and they're, they're hurting. [00:42:00] And they're sh they're in their own little world. And they're saying, you can neglect your kids need. And, you know, you do have to take care of yourself. I'm not saying that, but don't neglect your kids' needs and say, oh, they're resilient.
Look at our society. We have a 70% divorce rate, almost whether you're Christian or non in any culture, you have people who are on antidepressants all day, every day, all sorts of drugs, all sorts of misbehavior. Look at our fricking in America and every country look at our politics, completely immoral people who just a few years ago would be removed, not just from office, but probably put in prison.
And now they're still in office causing more chaos to our country. So yeah, I think it all starts with us and then it goes to the spouse and it goes to the home. Then it goes to the church and the community and all the way up to the world. But yeah. Thank you for being so open and transparent, Jen. I mean, I really appreciate it.
No problem. I mean, like I [00:43:00] said, I know, there's a lot of people out there that are dealing with this. As you just mentioned, some really scary statistics, right? So it, to me, it's always been about the kids just because they didn't ask for that. They they're collateral damage. They did nothing wrong.
They are collateral damage. And anybody, like you said, a counselor who would try to make you feel better at the expense of your kids is just. My monstrous. So to me, yeah, I mean, but I've heard so many people say, and it's in books, like, you know, all the time, like, oh, kids are resilient, they'll get through it.
No, you're literally changing the synapses in their brain. You're changing the way they think you're destroying the hope. You're removing the natural gift that God made in marriage from it. I mean, there's so many damaging lifelong things for generations to come with divorce. That's why it's like, to me, divorce is the last choice.
Yes. It's an absolutely the last choice, but sadly, sometimes it happens. So where did you [00:44:00] go from there? How did you recover in your life and then where did you go through today? So I think what happened at what helped me was.
I got a great job. I landed a great job. It took me probably two years or two and a half years to find it. But I, I got a job at a university working as an admissions advisor. And before I got the job, I didn't really know that, you know, what the full role was like, I didn't really know there was such a thing.
And so I, I went back in and I, I really threw myself into it. And so into learning the role and it really, I thought, oh, okay. So I'm going to go in there and talk to students into signing up for school and helping them fill out an application and really what it was so much more than that it became a coaching job.
And I was able to start working with students, not necessarily fresh out of high school. The average student was in their twenties, thirties, forties, [00:45:00] fifties, sixties who knew at some point in their life that an education was going to help them kind of crash through that glass ceiling, right. Was something they needed to do.
But in many times they didn't know what to do. And, and many of my students were people that had been just like me. I'm divorced. Now I have two little babies to raise. I've got to figure out how to make money. And I don't want to work at the septal, the rest of my life. I need to get some education. And I need you to help me to figure out what would be best in terms of a program and how do I get financial aid and how do I do all this?
And so it really became a, you know, okay, well, let's back up, you know, what's your highest level of education right now. And you know, what have you done in the past? What do you think you would enjoy doing in the future? And, and then we would talk through different programs and it became like this hour, hour and a half long interview where no, we're just not out enrolling.
We're really taking the time to redirect the trajectory of your future. And if it's something that works out, then yeah, let's move forward and do it. So I found that that's a great attitude because if [00:46:00] you're listening college isn't university, depending on what country you're in, but university isn't for everybody, your goals and your passions and where God has you to be is in an area.
You may not need a degree for that formally. You're just going to waste time and money. And so that was good that you are one of the honest advisors, you know, actually advising them for life, not just to get them enrolled in a, in a university, that's it. And I credit my university for it. It's Colorado technical university, and that is their whole thing.
Right? So they don't ever say, how many enrollments are you going to get today? How many students are you going to sign up? Their question every day is how many students are you going to help today? And that was the culture that I wanted to be involved with. And so during the interview process, when they kind of went over with me, what their culture was and how committed they were, the students, I just thought, [00:47:00] okay, that's a place I can work.
That's that's not a place where I'm going to have to be concerned about. You know, being some salesperson, you know, and I really didn't want sales. I had done sales in the past. That's a tough gig. So yeah, so, you know, the bottom line is I got involved with this and I, I loved it so much because I really did feel like I was making an impact with every person that I spoke to, whether it was, yes, school's right for you.
And we've got the program or, you know what, you really don't need school. You could, you could do this instead and be just as well and not spend the money. So whether I was sending them away or whether I was enrolling them I felt equally good because I set this person on a path. And when someone says to you, oh my gosh, I just needed someone to talk through that with.
I just needed kind of an objective opinion. And you'd be surprised what people will tell you a complete stranger is more likely to tell you something. They wouldn't tell their best friend or their mom or whatever. It's kind of, I think, a refreshing departure for them to be able to just get all that stuff out.
Have somebody listen to it. Non-judging. You [00:48:00] know, I don't have an opinion about it one way or the other, just let me have it. What do you got? And for someone to be able to look at that very objectively and say, okay, how about this? Have you thought about this? So I really, really began to enjoy that. And then I thought to myself, you know what, I need to really transfer this into more areas of my life.
So at that point, I began studying to be a certified life coach. And within about six or seven months, I think I received my certification to be a life coach. And I began working with clients and whether it was about school, whether it was about their job. And I had had quite a bit of experience in the corporate world, climbing up through my twenties.
Now I have experience in the educational type world. And so I had, I, I felt like a lot to bring to the table. I'd gone through a divorce, it's raising kids. So I was kind of drawing upon all of that because I really don't believe you can be a huge help to somebody. If you don't have at least some amount of empathy for what they're going through.
You know, I'm not saying I went through [00:49:00] everything that my students went through, but on some level. Understanding that emotion that connects it. And so that is kind of what brought me up to where it now in between all there, during my worst period, I would say when I was struggling, struggling to get this worth, trying to figure out how financially I was going to keep things afloat, making sure my kids were okay.
All of this different types of things and then making sure I'm okay. I really had to figure it out like, okay, I'm freaking out. I am really scared of everything right now. I'm like a raw nerve. I feel like everywhere I turn, there's going to be something that's unpleasant. And I realized that that fear was beginning to really overtake me.
It was starting to influence my decisions. It was starting to influence my belief in myself and in my future. And I was never that type of person, you know, I was always the kind of person that had a lot of faith and had a lot of Confidence. And my ability to really overcome just about anything, but this was [00:50:00] a curve ball.
You know, if you're from Chicago, you only have 18 and softball. It was, this was one of those. And so I really, I had to figure it out. And so I started writing stuff down. I literally started watching webinars. I started looking up on the internet. I didn't know where to go to overcome this fear. And so I, I, I just started trial and error.
I started doing different things and writing the stuff that th th the stuff that did work, I wrote it down. The stuff that didn't work. I wrote it down on the other page. The thought process that I was going through, I was trying different things because I didn't, I couldn't afford the time to really wait this out.
I couldn't go to five years of therapy. I had two kids that needed me needed, you know, I mean, the dad was helping out too. I mean, he was helping us support us as well, but at the same time, it was like, Really, I got to think about how to do stuff on my own from here on out. And so are in the search of your, like, how do I overcome fear?
Yeah, I do that [00:51:00] worked. What did I do that didn't work and you're just figuring it out. Like, let's do this as fast as possible and I'll be the Guinea pig. I'll be my own Guinea pig because I can't afford the luxury of too much trial and error. And I just knew I had to figure it out and I didn't have a lot of time.
So yeah. So I really broke it down into like five different steps that I translated them when I got it done. And I thought, you know what? Like if this worked for me maybe it'll work for somebody else. So now all of a sudden I'm an author and I should say my other life. I, I am a writer and I, and I actually had a lot of fun for awhile writing for an international pop culture website called puff star.com.
And this was while I was. So it made me a little bit of extra money to help out around the house. It wasn't a ton of money, but the perks I got was I was interviewing a different celebrity every day from my kitchen or when they came into town. I got to go to concerts and all that kind of stuff. So I really drew a lot and learned a [00:52:00] lot from the more successful artistic types of people I met through that period of my life.
I, I gained a lot of, I think, insight and knowledge from them and talk about gratitudes. That was the one thing that tied all of them together. Two of the most successful ones that they, it was, it was gratitude, gratitude. Gratitude is what got them, where they were. But anyway, I digress. So w you know, I started to think, okay, so now I'm an admissions consultant, and now I am also a certified life coach.
And now I've kind of figured my way through this fear thing where I, we all get afraid and it's never gonna go away completely. But now when it does rear its ugly head, I know how to manage it and identify it and put it in its proper compartment so that I can be friended. You know, it's like, how do we put fear in the friend zone?
It's not always a bad thing. We don't want to dispel it. Okay. But we do have to figure out how to manage it. And so I thought I'm going to write this down and see how it looks. I'm going to write a book and well, number one, I don't have the patience ever to write like a 300 page book. [00:53:00] And I thought, you know, if I was in such a hurry for this information, somebody would have showed up to me with a little 27 page guide that said, this'll take you 15 minutes to read, but it will really help reset that mindset.
And it will give you some things repetitively that you can do starting today that will get that turn of events happening. I would have paid a lot of money for what I didn't have in my, at the time, but I would have paid a lot for it. So that's what gave me the idea. Okay. You don't have to go out and write a 300 page book fully illustrated.
And with all of these endorsements, you just have to write down a few pages of things that work for you, sell it really cheap and make it where people can join your private Facebook group. And you can help them cut kind of coach them through things in the Facebook group. And so. Then all of a sudden I did become an author.
I just think that's so cool. I was so happy because now anybody who is in that situation that just wants like a, a quick, you know, give me some stuff I can start working with today, you know? And I'm proud of that than if I had written a 300 page book. [00:54:00] Hey, I don't think that's what people want right now.
I don't think they have the attention span the time or the money to invest in something that grandiose they want answers now. Yeah, no, for the most part, you're a hundred percent. Right. I'd agree completely. But I remember hearing a preacher say one time you give me an hour to speak. I need five minutes to repair.
You give me five minutes to speak. I need an hour to prepare. So to condense that knowledge, I'm sure was actually harder because you're direct and not rambling. So when I see a short book, I actually know that, okay, if this is quality. There's a lot more effort that went in and sitting down rambling for 300 pages.
So, I mean, I could do that. You've heard over the last half hour, I don't have any problem talking, but, but really I wrote the whole thing and you're right. It is more difficult to condense because a lot of what I was writing, I thought what I want to know this. I mean, yeah. They want to know a little bit about my story.
So I'm certainly going to tell them that, yeah. Who is this girl? How, you know, what does she know? But I really [00:55:00] wrote it from the perspective of what did I need when I was at that stage in my life. I was grabbing at anything. I mean, you can look stuff up on Google. You can, you know, there is another thing as an original thought.
We know that. So, but how can I make something that's condensed and interesting and useful. That's not going to take a ton of time to do that. Does take a little bit more effort to complete. And to me it makes it even more valuable. I don't have time for this stuff. I love what you just said. Cause I said that all the time, I say all truth comes from.
And you just said, there's nothing original. Like, you know, I don't care who the GRU is or she is, if someone's saying something that works short-term and long, it comes from how God created the universe, you know, two plus two is four. So I don't care. Yeah. I don't care who you are. If you're Socrates or Jack Welch, or if you're, you know, Samantha Stewart, we've never heard of you if it's truth and it's working in your life, it's because God created from the foundation of the earth.
So yeah, you're [00:56:00] spot on once again. And I think, I think that we get many gifts where we are the vessel and the vehicle to present ideas in a different way. For example, a musician has given a beautiful gift to project. You know, music is how our emotions sound and for someone to be able to bridge that gap between.
You know, that intense emotion that we feel and to relate through music is a gift, a good writer who can really capture something succinct. You know, maybe you're not maybe the thoughts, not original, but the way it's presented, the way it's created. And it resonates with different people in different ways, just like any type of art.
I believe that is a gift. I mean, you know, the most inspired I've ever been, and I've written a lot over the years, different types of articles, different types of short type of stuff. And sometimes I go back on some of it and I just have that is still so good. And I'm not, I'm not being at all conceited because the best [00:57:00] work I've ever done, I always felt like it was something that flowed through me from a greater source.
It wasn't Jennifer that just all of a sudden decided to have. Great dialogue today. It was an inspiration that I got where it just flowed so easily and so smoothly. And when I look back on it, years later, that's my best work. And I think you've probably been in that zone to where you just know it's not you anymore.
You know, somebody else has got the wheel, you know what I'm saying? And it's like, I couldn't agree more. And yeah, w I wasn't trying to disparage or say people aren't gifted. You're, I'm glad you brought that up, but I'm glad. Yeah, no, a hundred percent there's people, like you said, musicians, authors writer, and not only do they have a different gift, but they're communicating the truth to a different audience.
There's people, you will reach that I will never reach there's people I'll reach it. You'll never reach there's people listening. You you're going to reach people that Jen and I are never going to reach. So you just keep taking the truth and bringing it forward and going as far as. Yup. We have as our [00:58:00] individuality, for sure.
Yeah. God gave us that. And then like you said, the things, it goes back to this whole conversation is wrapping together. You know, the more you get closer to God, the more you sound a little you are, but like you said, the greater, the things you've done that you're like really proud of you realize, yeah, I didn't really do too much.
I just move my hand and it came out. Right. And those aren't those the greatest times to do whatever it is, they call it being in the zone or whatever. But when you're fully inspired and that's just flowing out of you like that, this is how do I bottle this? How do I keep this going all the time? And I find that when I'm, when my intent upon writing something is to reach someone on some type of inspirational level or to truly help people.
That is when it tends to come. The easiest is when it comes from that purest of intentions. I want to ask you a question you may or may not know the answer if you do definitely share it with us please. So a lot of times I'll get in the zone and it'll last so long that I take it for granted. And then I'm like, instead of saying, go, go, go, [00:59:00] go, go run with this while it's there.
I'm like, oh, I've done a lie. Let me take a break. And then you come back. You're like, oh man, I ruined that groove. Right. Have you ever experienced that? And what's your suggestion to me and all the listeners who take it for granted. Like if God puts you in the zone, now I'm learning at 44, keep running until you got nothing left until it's gone.
And some, some there's been hyper productive periods. I've had for a long period of time. And then I've gone through like droughts where I was like, whoa, what's going on? What did I do wrong here? I need more inspiration. Right. So how do you deal with that? Well, I think you've kind of answered the question.
I mean, you, you run with it, you know, there's there's times I would wake up at three in the morning and just have this crazy thought in my head. And go back to bed. I'll remember it. I'll do that in the morning. And I wake up and it's gone. And I asked yourself who was so good. It was so spot on. And I learned really quickly not to [01:00:00] Dr.
Wayne Dyer did a talk one time and I'm hugely influenced by him. And he referenced the 3:00 AM inspirations where you wake up and you're going to have these moments, get out of bed, write it down, type it out, whatever it takes, you'll be able to go to bed after, but there's a reason that you are awake.
There is a reason that consciousness is so strong because you've laid down for the night, those conscious thoughts and your subconscious takes over. And that is really where the truest value lives cause in our consciousness, we're all tied up with ego and we're tied up with things. We think that are important, but really aren't, there is no spiritual connection when there's ego.
So when you're laying all that to go to sleep and you're letting your subconscious mind. Kind of take over, it's going to wake you up with some really cool inspirations get out of bed, write it down, record it, type it on your iPhone. Even if you have to expand on it, expand on it the next day. But I'm serious.
I've actually gotten up and written entire articles at three in the morning because I was so afraid while [01:01:00] that flow was there and that momentum was going. I knew if I broke that connection, it was going to be gone and I was going to lose the value of that piece. And so, yeah, so that would be one piece of advice is to ride it out, say, thank you for it.
The more we say, thank you. The more we get, the more we say, thank you. The more we get. I said that twice. So acknowledging that you're in that zone, appreciating that you're in that zone taking full advantage of that because you're right. You don't know when the next bus is coming. She tells no one that Ferry's coming to pick you up next.
And I like to think that we can. You know, kind of call upon it whenever we want. But that's a little tougher sometimes I believe you can. I think that with the mindset of waking up every morning to set your intentions for the day you're, you're likely to arouse that inspiration that leads you to the zone.
Because I do think we do have a great deal of control in the morning. I used to just wake up and say, well, what is life going to hand me today? [01:02:00] And now we wake up in the morning and I say, what am I going to handle life today? Yeah. Do you feel more tea? I feel more teachable in the morning, but I feel more productive at night if that makes sense.
So when I wake up in the morning, that's a great time for me to read my Bible to consume stuff I want to learn. I feel like I'm real appliable and real, it absorbs, but my aid game for productivity. It's like 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM and I can get more done in those four hours and I could earn 12 hours of a day.
So yeah. And I have that notebook by my bed cause I wanted to punch my face. So myself in the face so many times, is that the worst feeling? Yeah. And you know, what's worse and again, you don't have to have the same experience, but I found like sometimes the most beautiful, powerful thoughts I have are so simple.
It's like, oh, how did I not think of that? Everybody must think of that. So I don't write it down. And then it's like, it gets taken [01:03:00] away and then you want to punch yourself in the face. Cause you can't remember it. And it's yeah, definitely. If you're listening, I don't care what country you're from a pencil and paper is not, you know, you can find something, put it by your bed, write it down.
And now how are you doing for time, Jen? I'm fine. I want to share some with you and the listeners. This happened to me for the first time in my life the other day. And I want to know if it ever happened to you. So. You mentioned how, when we sleep and you use different words, but you basically said how we'll process things and we'll wake up with a solution.
Right? I always having reoccurring nightmares for weeks and they were all reality-based super stressful. So even during the day, I'm under the stress and at night it was like intensified. And for the first time in my life, about a month ago, I woke up and it's like, that's the solution for that problem?
And I thought, should I write it down? And [01:04:00] it's like, no, you don't have to on this one. And no joke. I went to bed and slept like a baby. And when I woke up, I don't remember, and this is what sounds weird. I don't know how to communicate. So if you're listening, forgive me. But it's like the problem that plagued me for weeks or months, I got the solution, but now I don't remember either one.
I don't remember what the problem was. I don't remember the solution I was given, but I know if the problem comes back, I'll give me the solution again. But, so that was a first time in 44 years I ever had that. Have you ever had that before? No. Yeah, it was not. That sounds, I mean, remarkable. I don't know.
I'm, I'm being open and transparent. It's, you know what the Bible says, he'll take the east as far from the west, you know, like he's going to take away everything, the sins, the pain, all that, as far as east from the west, it's like, he didn't just take away and give me the solution. [01:05:00] It's like, God, like erase that part of my brain.
And all I know is I was being tormented by these thoughts, but I don't even remember what the thoughts were. It's still going work requires some extra work. That's why that happened because that one requires extra work. Like even if you had applied the solution, it could have been still something that was haunting you.
So it's like, let's just get rid of the whole thing, get rid of the problem and the solution. And I'm telling you, I went from not being able to sleep. It was like painful to sleep from these nightmares and yeah. Yeah. So anyways, I just didn't know, because we were talking about this, we're going off a little bit, but hopefully it's helping the audience.
So go back to where we were at. You have. Career it's building, you know, that you were doing interviews with rockstars is super cool. And then that plays into the book. And now you're an author. So where do you go between then and here? Not today. And if we missed anything else that's significant in your life, feel free to fill in?
No, not really. I think, you know, for me, my life began, you [01:06:00] know, about seven years ago when I, when I, when I realized, okay, this is now the next phase of my life, my kids are growing up. They're escalating into their twenties now. Everybody's kind of doing their own thing. It's time for me to figure out where the next chapter of my life is going to be.
And what's been fun for me. And I guess this is the hope that I want to give everyone out there who might be at that stage, whatever stage you're at, it might be. This is all so new. And I'm really scared. How's this going to work out? It might be, oh, I'm starting to get my feels again. I'm starting to feel a little bit encouraged and maybe you're there.
Maybe you've been read it yourself, you know, reinvented yourself. And you're feeling really great about where you're at. I feel like we're being reborn, you know, in many ways I, I get to do whatever I want. I get to make the choices. I get to be accountable to myself. And if I make a mistake, I make a mistake.
You know, people often confuse failure [01:07:00] with something that's bad. They think it's the opposite of success. But failure is actually very much a part of success. I couldn't agree more. I mean, look, how many great men and women failed so many times in their experiments, but it came on with greatness.
We're using electricity. Come on. You know what I mean? It wasn't like 10,000 edits. It wasn't like 10, 10,000 light bulbs were wrong before he got one. Right. I didn't fail. I learned 9,999 ways to not do it successfully. Yeah. And was it, was he, again, all forgive me. It was, there was another very influential figure and it might've been Edison that their whole workshop burned to the ground and their attitude.
Was it? Yeah. And he's like, as long as we're safe, I'll just start over. Yeah. They didn't have computers in that. I mean all his notebooks and work and life, and literally what you're doing now, listening to a podcast, it was like started through those steps and the dude's like [01:08:00] now we're okay. We'll just make it better when we start over.
It's that whole mindset, you know? And, and I, I really, I do, I love those memes and stuff that you see that just remind us all the time. You know, they only shot you're guaranteed. The most is the one you never take, or you miss a hundred percent of the shots. You never take. Wayne Gretzky said that. And so whether it be a sports figure or a business person or an artist or whatever, walk of life, you know, we're so much more alike than we think, and the mindset has so much to do and your belief in yourself, and it just plays so much into your reality.
And so that's one thing I would want to stress is to, when you find yourself in any walk of life, where you met with a change, or you're met with something that you didn't expect. Maybe something's not working out the way you had it mapped out, you know, they say, if you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
I know I heard that for the first time Brandon Novak. He said that in our interview and I started cracking up. That's a great quote. [01:09:00] Yeah, I've always, you know, okay, this is what you got in mind and stuff. And so again, that's what we do with things. And if you look at it and everything is an opportunity, even the failures to get yourself on a track where you're true to yourself, you know, we can become really authentic.
You know, I always say again, youth is wasted on the young because when you're, when we're young, we just think so many other things are important than the things that really are. And so as we get older and a little wiser one of the things that helped me is I really cared a lot less about what people thought.
I care a lot less now. You know, because it really does boil down to what's really important and who you're being true to. You get very purposeful about who's in your life and you get very intentional about how you spend your time and who you spend it with and what the greater causes, whatever that may be.
You know, mine happens to be helping folks out that are having trouble adjusting to those life changes and who are looking to reinvent themselves and [01:10:00] have an opportunity to take a look at an optimistic side of change. And even though it may come out of something negative or something you weren't planning on, you know, there's so many great things that you can do out there.
If you have the right mindset and create the remainder of your life for yourself, that could be better than, you know what it's been up to this point. Yeah. And a lot of times when we're doing that, even if we don't know the big picture, we just need to take that next step. What's the, what's the next step.
And then as you're taking those next steps, all the other ones. Pieces pieces. I can't speak. Right. All the other big pieces just fall into place. They do. They say, don't look at the staircase, just look at the stair. Yup. Yeah. And I did that. I mean, when I, when I was starting all this, I thought, you know, I should probably have a website and you know, and again, at that time I had no money.
I couldn't pay somebody, you know, 20 grand to do a really fan. Probably still people would laugh at it, but I love it. And I'm not paying anybody, even though I could probably afford to now, [01:11:00] and I'm not going to do it because I designed that website by going on Google and saying, how do I start a website where to, I literally do zero.
And it was super basic in the beginning. And then I learned how to do a little different part of it. And then I started to make it a little more colorful. And for me it started as an empty room that I got to paint and put furniture in and hang pictures in. And it is a direct reflection of who I am and what I want.
To convey to people. And it's a message of hope and optimism, and yes, maybe I'm sometimes I'm wearing my rose colored glasses. But I choose to see the world that way. And I always choose to believe that it can be a better day than it was yesterday and practically speaking. It can. Yeah. And if you want to see Jen site, there's a link in the show notes or check out her website, and then if you're watching this podcast, she's got the beautiful pink roses in the back and it's great.[01:12:00]
No, it was going to vote. I don't even compare it to other people's websites. I don't know. And you know, I just feel like I I've always done the best of my life. I do it different, but it's just mine. And I say, I'm sorry, I didn't get the memo. It, that said it was supposed to be five pages long, or it was supposed to have these colors on it or whatever.
I, sorry, I didn't get the memo. And whenever I've done anything in my life, it's always worked out the best for me because of that. Yeah. That's the best way, because you're taking the knowledge. God gave you in other areas and you're bringing it into this new area and you're not biased based on what everybody's doing.
So you actually become the cutting edge. You become the revolutionary, you know, you become the person, who's the leader because you weren't held back by what's Jojo. Yeah. It can be tremendously beneficial. I can. And I purposely don't look at other ads. You know, there's a million people out there who will be the best coach you can be and do this and sell this and you can sell your package for 49 95.
Yeah. And I just think, you know, I just [01:13:00] want to give somebody a little guide. They can go to my website is called five steps to freedom from fear it's $27. I think it's about 27 pages. It takes about 15. But there's a couple of bonuses in there too. But the, but the bottom line is even the website itself, I think is fun because I put some of my favorite memes on there.
You know, my favorite sayings, my inspirational quotes. I have a gallery in there that you can just scroll through. If you ever just need a little bit of inspiration, right? This is about adding value. I'm not here to become a millionaire on a $27 book. But if this is a place that you're at in your life, you need to get it.
I, and I'm saying it not to make money and to become a millionaire, but because this is something that's going to help you. And it's the reason I did it. It's to help you go get it. But. Just for visitors to the site. Even I wanted it to make it like a one, like kind of a nice stopping experience during the day.
If you just need to see some color and some inspirational quotes and maybe a quick video or something, that's going to inspire you. I wanted that to be a place where people could go to do it. I have a little newsletter in there that [01:14:00] I'm, that I put out and I've got my photo gallery, even my blog is on there.
My blog really is just, it's really literally where I just view anything. I want to say, if I want to write an article about something completely unrelated, that's my go-to place. I have complete artistic and poetic license to say and do whatever I want in there. And that's where all that lands then.
So again, that's probably not, what's typically on a culture's website, but I don't care as mine. Yeah. And that's beautiful because people know what they're getting. They know what you believe and why, and it's, they're not hiding anything. So yeah. And a little something you said triggered, like you're being you and you're telling people.
Really, you know, this is what I did. This is how I did it. This is my journey. And it's condensed in 27 pages to help you. That's awesome. But like we were talking about, if you go to a counselor that says, oh, don't worry about it. Your kids are resilient. If you go to a coach who says fake it till you make it, punch them in the face too, and walk away.
Because again, you go back to commit that works into the lore. And I [01:15:00] thought it will be established. That's true from the Bible, but don't ever fake it. Don't ever lie. Like, you know? Yeah. There's, there's a lot to it that sometimes you just got to do, and then you get better. Like you were saying how you became a web designer by just learning.
So it's like, I was faking it until I met in a way. I agree with you. And I, and I actually make a reference in the book about this. Cause one of the, one of the techniques that I I say is if you're at the bottom of the wrong and you just cannot muster the belief that you can do this, then what you have to do is pretend you're somebody who can, and by default, When you act in a manner that you admire, you act in the image of something greater than yourself that you believe can do it, take yourself out of yourself and put it there.
And that sense you're faking it till you make it. But when somebody is like, pretend now why to your customers and why to people that that is a phrase [01:16:00] I never liked either. It's one I've kind of used internally when I said, well, okay, I'm just going to have to pretend I noticed, because I believe it also the law of attraction and all that kind of stuff to where, you know, what you put out there, you tend tends to kind of manifest in your life.
Right? And so it all ties in. And so that kind of has a little bit of a connotation of, you know, fake it til you make it. But the, the context that you're talking about, I could not agree more. And when I hear coaches say that just, oh, they'll never know you're not being authentic. Just act like this and just act like that.
And you know what, you'll still make your money. You'll still be able to get them on the hook. And that's where you're talking about the lack of authenticity and how believe me, people can, they can smell that. Yes. And that's, I should have framed it better. I apologize for our listeners into you, but yeah.
Well, I'm talking about when they say, oh, just pretend you're an expert. No, you're like stealing people's money. You're a liar at that point. So don't, don't say you're a brain surgeon and kill somebody. And if somebody needs, you know, [01:17:00] Colt counseling, coaching, whatever you want to call it, if you've never like, okay, I'm going to go there, politicians.
And some educators, you have a few great ones and you've got most of them who are useless. They've never worked a day in their life. They've never done anything in their life. They probably can't even balance their own checkbook. And they're sitting there running the country and teaching thousands and hundreds of thousands of students, how to live on.
Yeah, that drives me nuts. So I taught at a university and there's a lot of great teachers out there. I'm not seeing everybody who teaches at a college or university as bad, but what I'm saying is look at their credentials. If you see somebody who ran a division of GE probably want to put some salt into what they're saying.
If you see somebody who got 15 degrees and never worked a day in their life and might sign up for a different course. Absolutely. And I think, you know, what helps people most in life is connection. You know, we don't [01:18:00] always have to have the answers. You know, some of my clients will say to me, well, tell me what to do.
You've got all the answers. And I said, well, let's just establish something right here. No, I don't have the answers. My role is to talk with you and to help you, you know, my, my perfect Def definition of a coach is don't show them your superpowers. Show them there's.
And if you can show someone where their own value is and help them to work through some of this stuff it's so much more rewarding for both of you, but you also have to be mindful of what you're dealing with, who you're dealing with and how to deal with them because everybody is different. And so that's where the skill comes in.
I want to say, not everybody can be a life coach or I shouldn't say that an effective coach, whether they be, you know, how educated or how many life coach certifications they have or whatever. The important thing is that connection you're going to help the person [01:19:00] best through your own experience.
By connecting with them on a really basic level. That's when the growth and that's what you're doing now. And that's, what's great. I thank you for being here, Jen. The whole concept of our podcast is to help one another grow. And did you see the cover of our podcast? Art? It shows average everyday people like us, but inside their shadows are heroes and you're listening now.
Like people are listening now all over the world. I'm not saying this froofy, this isn't like a motivational seminar. I'm trying to get you charged up to my, my books. It's you really do have greatness inside of you. So it's like, just find that and let go and let God lead it. Like Jen said earlier, you know, some of the stuff she did and she really wasn't putting the effort in, but she put herself in a position to let God work through her.
So, yeah. That's so beautiful. Well where are you today, Jen? And where are you going? And how can we help you get there? Oh my gosh. Well, I think the biggest satisfaction [01:20:00] for. Would it be, if I even just a handful of people took something of value out of what we talked about today, David. Right. If somebody had an aha moment or, oh, I've been trying this, I never tried that.
I'm going to try that tomorrow and see if that works or maybe think of things this way and that's going to make the click and change for me. So that's, I want to continue to do that. I want to continue to grow. I want to continue to learn. I want to continue to work with people. One at a time in groups at a time and whatever medium I can, you know, this podcasting is a wonderful thing and I'll be honest.
I didn't have a lot of experience with it, but what happened was, you know, I was doing some public speaking and that went right up to window with the bat when the pandemic showed up. So I thought, well, how else can I get my message out there? How else can I help help some folks? I'm going to get out there and talk on some podcasts and I've met the coolest people.
And I've, I think probably even had a broader reach of people that I could talk to at a given time [01:21:00] than filling a hall with a thousand people or 400 people or whatever many people because these are people from all over the world and our problems really are universal and our fears are universal. So yeah, I feel like that's where I'm at now is I'm continuing to work with clients.
I'm going to expand my guides that I write because I've decided to stick with guides and not necessarily big books. I think they're shorter in this, in this time and age, people just need information that they can apply quickly. And I'm working on something called passion principles, turning your passion into action.
I'm having fun writing that one, but really stuck on this fear thing and, and really helping people to overcome whatever fears they might be. In some cases it's fear of failure and other cases, it might be fear of moving on. It might be fear of getting into a relationship again, you know, fear is, is universal.
It doesn't discriminate and it doesn't matter which fear you're dealing with. That's why I think I'm hoping this guy is successful because that will mean that people. [01:22:00] Can we have some hope of breaking free from that, and actually living the life that they were meant to live, because nobody nobody's intention is for you to be held back by something that you can control and something that's not necessarily rational.
So super proud of the work I did in that. And I would just say, if it's not something you're dealing with, then, you know, obviously don't even give it a look, but you probably know somebody that is going through it and give it a look seriously to help them out because it really was designed to help it break it down into just the five basic steps of overcoming it.
So doing that, and then, yeah, I want to get back out in public, speak again. That's something else that I really want to do. There's nothing like a live audience that you're connecting with and you can see everyone's faces when you're speaking to them and take questions afterwards and kind of help folks out that way.
So just to continue writing, continue with my Advising, you know, students just hoping to get better and better what I know. So I can convert that and turn that into helping other folks in a better manner as well. Cause [01:23:00] we never get there with the journey. That's true. We keep going till God takes us home.
Well, Jen, thank you for being on the podcast today and between your birth and what we just talked about. Is there anything else we missed or any carting thoughts, anything that you want to say to the audience before we wrap up this episode? No, I, I feel they're probably said to hear me talk by now, but that's pretty much it for the life part.
What I do want to do is thank them for giving me a listen and with my sincerest hopes that there was something you got out of this today, this is going to be of use to you. And, and I guess. I'll leave what these words in, in life, you know, you get what you settle for. You're capable of great things inside deep inside.
You know, it, you were meant for great things and for happiness, and it tends to be us that gets in our own way, not anybody else or any other entity. So find that, that thing inside of you, that brings you lights and passion and at [01:24:00] all costs pursue that. And the rest tends to fall into place and always be grateful, amazing words to close by.
Thank you, Jen, to our listeners. We love you. Thank you for being here today. Like our slogan says, don't just listen to this great information. Jen brought you right. But do what, you know, you need to do it each day so that you can have a great life in this world and the attorney. So I'm David . This was Jan stick around for a special offer from our sponsors.
And if you have a changing moment or an epiphany, or even like, thanks, fan encouragement, go to the show notes, reach out to Jen, send her a message and say, thank you because when we're behind the camera or even if we're on stage, sometimes it gets lonely. So if Jen's helped you let her know, I know I'm annoying and got a big nose if you're watching this, but let Jen know you love her and she helped you.
All right. So thanks for [01:25:00] being here, Jen. Thanks so much, David. It's been a pleasure. All right, we'll see you later. I look forward to continuing our friendship, ladies and gentlemen, stick around for this special offer and we will see you in just a minute, actually in a second, second chat.