Melanie Tonia Evans | Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Finding Peace, Setting Healthy Boundaries, & Healing from Trauma from the Inside Out

“Everything happens for us, not to us. If you’re still alive, God has a greater plan for you.” – Melanie Tonia Evans

Guest Bio: Melanie Tonia Evans is a leading international narcissistic abuse recovery expert, thought-after speaker and best-selling author. Her ground-breaking healing methodology, the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), goes Global to the community of hundreds of thousands of people in 130 different countries.   www.melanietoniaevans.com  In 2018, Melanie released her first book, You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse – The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships which became an Amazon best seller in days, and is now being translated into multiple languages.  Melanie’s work is revolutionizing the old model of Survivor Recovery to one of Thriver status. The online content Melanie offers on abuse recovery reaches close to 8 million people monthly across her numerous platforms (Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and the melanietoniaevans.com website) and her reach continues to grow exponentially.  Her Abuse Recovery Program is recommended by doctors, psychologists, therapists and relationship experts all over the world. 

SHOW NOTES: 

• Website: https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/ 
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@MelanieToniaEvans
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MelToniaEvans
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/quantafreedomhealing/
• Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/meltoniaevans/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/MelToniaEvans
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melanie-tonia-evans-a0235a68/

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Transcript

Melanie Tonia Evans | Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Finding Peace, Setting Healthy Boundaries, & Healing from Trauma from the Inside Out 

Greystones, Vampires, and Healing. All this and more, right now.

Hello, friend. Welcome to this week's episode of the Remarkable People Podcast, the Melanie Tanya Evans story. This week, you're not only going to hear Melanie's remarkable story and journey, but she's an expert. In narcissism and overcoming narcissism, the PTSD, the gaslighting, the pain, the trauma, and healing.

This is something that many of you aren't familiar with, but it is good and important knowledge to know. And for those of you who unfortunately had to deal with it in your life, this could be the catalyst to get you to freedom. So Melanie and I might use different terms like through the beginning of the episode, she'll use the term source.

I'll refer to it as God, but at the end of the day, we unite and we talk about how God brings us all together and God brings us freedom. And even if you're not a [00:01:00] believer, she's going to show you not just what she had to deal with and what she worked through, but the practical steps of how she did it. So you can too.

There's also in the show notes special offers from Mel. There's links to her website and a little bit more about her in the description. So this is an episode that I find intriguing, interesting, helpful, and it's something that I really believe is going to help you in your life or someone you love. So at this time, Get out your pens and paper, your favorite beverage, be ready to enjoy, to learn, to grow, take notes so you can apply it and be even a better human for Christ's sake in your own glory and joy.

So at this time, our friend Melanie Tanya Evans is going to walk us through healing from narcissism, being free, and so much more. Enjoy!

[00:02:00] 

[00:02:26] INTERVIEW S8 Melanie Tonia Evans 2 Oct 2023: Hey Mel, how are you today? I'm great, David. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's an honor. I just told our listeners a little bit about you.

So they're already pumped to hear your episode story and the wisdom you're going to share with us today. So thank you for being here. And before we get started, whether we have listeners who have been with us four years. And they're serial listeners or whether someone's the first time. Today is probably the first time they're hearing your story.

And if they stick through this entire episode, if you were to just impart one [00:03:00] piece of knowledge, what's going to be one truth, they're gonna be able to walk away from this episode, apply their life and be a better human. You can heal from trauma from the inside out. It's not a death sentence. It's not a life sentence.

Amen. I think all of us need that, right? At some point in our life, awesome. So listen, something brought you to that place in life. So let's go through your story. The highs, the lows, the good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty, the ugly, the pretty ugly, all of it. Right? So where were you born now? What was your upbringing like?

And we'll just go right through your life as you see fit. Okay, well, I was born in Melbourne, Australia, and let's just fast forward with the overview that all of my life I've been really interested in personal development and spiritual stuff and inner mechanics. And a lot of my life, I've been able to make work, I'd been a high achiever.

My [00:04:00] parents had that as a big value in our lives, not so much of the inner connection, but definitely being a high achiever, but I couldn't get relationships right. So this was the part of my life that was missing all of my life. And I did a lot of personal development on my patterns, my programs, why it wasn't working.

And I ended up meeting the man who I thought was the absolute. God's gift reward for all the work I've done on myself. And people were shocked. And I was shocked that after four months of meeting him, I got married first marriage. That was in my mid thirties, never had ever considered doing anything like that, but it just felt so right.

And this man, even before we were married. There were things that were cropping up and popping up. I'd had controlling men in the past or even jealous men, but this was a whole nother level, but yet it felt so right and so connected. I overlooked a lot of [00:05:00] things. I made excuses for a lot of things. I went along with it even before I married him.

I prayed and said, give me a sign because there'd been a huge, horrible adversity done that was so cruel. I thought, what am I getting myself into? And I asked for a sign and I got it. And it was, you meant to marry him. So I did. And I actually really was meant to marry him. Anyway, into the marriage, what happened was an escalation of physical, spiritual, emotional mental, financial, and sexual abuse.

I was tolerating things I never believed that I would tolerate. It shocked me. I was living a double life. I was a spiritual teacher by day and I was having these battles with this insanity of a knife. Yet I still, still felt like I loved him. I needed to fix him. He [00:06:00] was my one and only. And he even faked a terminal cancer condition that ended up being a complete and utter hoax.

To be able to cover up the reasons why he was violently, pathologically jealous and insecure. It'd be like, Melanie, I know I'm dying, or that I'm probably going to die and I can't stand losing you. So. Anyway, at times it was so bad, I would escape, I'd go to people's houses. He would go around and threaten them that if they didn't release me, the things that he would do to their families.

And I ended up on the run. There were times when he would love bomb me back and he'd promise he'd do anything to stop the behavior. And this was after I'd exposed the, the fraudulent cancer thing. There were times I would miss him so much and he [00:07:00] would start seeing other women that I would panic and I would jump back and fix it.

It was insane. So this went on off and on after the first year of marriage for approximately three years. I had no idea what a narcissist was. I just thought it was an arrogant entitled person. One day when I was driving to one of my escape houses, the word popped into my head out of nowhere. And I went home and I Googled it and I fell off my chair.

I was ticking every box, David, and I'm just like, Oh my God, there's a name for this. And it's an actual disorder. So then what I tried to do was research how to heal him from this disorder. And I believe, and then I found out nobody had actually effectively done that, but I decided I would be the first person that would.

So I started seeing a narcissistic personality disorder specialist and she told me there's only four [00:08:00] outcomes that are going to happen here after seeing him and assessing him. Either he's going to kill you, you're going to kill him. In reactive abuse, defending yourself, you're going to have a terminal illness because of so much stress, or you're going to have a complete psychotic breakdown.

Well, I ended up having the fourth option. I had a complete and had a psychotic breakdown. And at that time I was out and into the relationship. I was hiding that I was seeing him. I was sneaking around like a drug addict. Holding up this double persona and one day I had the psychotic breakdown. There was no missing it, I knew I'd had it.

I had psychotic visions that just would not stop of me smash to pieces. Eyes closed or open, it happened. A friend drove me to emergency. Where they gave me drugs to subdue it, then they tested my adrenals and they were shot to pieces. [00:09:00] So at this stage, I was 80 pounds, which is like 37 kilos, I'm five foot four.

So as a walking skeleton, my hair had fallen out in clumps. I hadn't eaten a meal, a proper meal, probably for six months. I hadn't slept for more than an hour for six months. I was having nightmare on Elm Street nightmares constantly. So I was really finished. I was told at that point I would need three antipsychotics to even function, but I would never again function as normal.

And if I didn't have the antipsychotics that my adrenals could give me a stroke or a heart attack at any time. Now, David, I'm not even good with aspirin. It doesn't agree with me. So I really absolutely believe that this was the end of the line. That this had gone too far and there was no coming back from this.

I'd already lost all of my property. I'd already divorced him and I was still seeing him. I'd lost everything. I'd lost family. I'd lost friends. I'd lost associates [00:10:00] because it smeared me to everybody. It destroyed all of my businesses. I'd lost my properties and now I'd lost my health and sanity. And so I started plotting and planning how to leave the planet.

And I had a 15 year old son and I actually believed that he would be better off without me. So, while I was doing this under the effects of morphine, which stopped the psychotic episodes or whatever it was this voice in my head keeps screaming at me, no, there's another way. And I, I thought it was my madness.

So I ended up fighting with this. I was on suicide watch. I walked into my bathroom, hit the floor, put my hands up and just screamed out, help me, I can't do this anymore. And I actually didn't do it to be saved. I just did it because there was nowhere else to go. I had an experience which was unmistakable.

It was like my head split, this [00:11:00] consciousness entered me, and it was the most blinding clarity I've ever known in my life. And the voice was telling me that this actually wasn't to do with him. He was a catalyst that he was representing all of my unhealed parts from past lives, childhood all of my relationships where I hadn't actually self partnered.

I'd never got the trauma out. I was in repeat all the ways I was so hard on myself and so conditional. All the ways that I'd always demanded more and more, and I was never ever durably loving and accepting of myself. Anyway, the list went on and on and on. And it showed me how he was bringing that, the unconscious to my consciousness, but also too, then what happened is the voice said to me, your focus on him is never going to heal this.

It has to be a focus on you. This has got to be an inside out job and you have to get the trauma out of your body. Now, I'd been in personal development and therapy [00:12:00] and seminars and books and everything since I was a teen. And I'm like, this was all new concepts. Then I got catapulted into the future and I felt and saw myself as I am now, whole connected to source, powerful, solid, without the obsessive mind, anxiety and depression gone, just knowing who I am.

And the voice said to me, if you choose this mission to heal from the inside out, this is what your future holds for you. And it said, but you know, if you don't choose the mission, well, you can exit the planet. That's fine. It's your choice. And what was really crazy about it, I didn't just see this vision in the future, it was embodied.

I felt it. I felt it. Then I came back into my here and now as this emaciated, shaking, sweating, destroyed mess. And I [00:13:00] wasn't healed at all, but I had, it was unmistakable what I'd experienced. So I chose the mission with probably the thread that I had left of myself. The next day I threw my phone, my mobile phone in the dump master, because I was still breaking no contact, never ever broke it again.

And that started from that day onward. This massive guided journey from the inside out, where I began to self partner, I came across people and information and it landed in my lap about kinesiology and EMDR and EFT and all sorts of things that were about sorting out my inner subconscious. Trauma and beliefs and the total understanding that trauma isn't what happens to us.

It's our emotional experience in response to what happens to us. And it's an inside out [00:14:00] job. And then what happened was I talked my ways, my way out of the antipsychotics, which was a complete and utter miracle. They allowed me to go free. It was crazy. And I never had another psychotic episode within weeks.

Of simply self partnering and coming home to myself and starting to speak to myself lovingly and, and have no contact with him. And then getting into body healing modalities, I melted away PTSD. I had CPTSD that was absolutely chronic. It melted away. It was gone. I healed fibromyalgia. I couldn't even touch myself without screaming.

I started sleeping. I could eat again. The adrenal malfunction, the, the, the fight and flee and the panic attacks all melted away. I had, though, a condition that was persistent, which is [00:15:00] agoraphobia, which is the fear of open spaces. And my previous me, before this experience of narcissistic abuse, I would have said anybody that had that.

Partially, I said, look, it's just an excuse not to get out in life and make things happen. And I'm so sorry I ever said that because it was so real. Out in some unsafe spaces, I'd healed enough that I felt probably the happiest I ever had in my own skin, even though I'd lost everything. I'd lost everything I'd worked 40 years for, but I felt whole in open spaces.

Panic, shaking, sweating would come. I could barely control it with affirmations and I'd end up getting people just to do errands and shopping and for me, because it was, it would take me five hours to recover. I wanted to heal it. I tried everything, everybody healing modality. I paid a fortune with the best of the best healers because I knew from the quantum [00:16:00] reality of healing from the inside out, if those primal traumas that set this up in my energy field would be located, load up, released and replaced with source, I knew I could get an instant healing from agoraphobia.

I knew it was possible. I've done it with so many things. Anyway, I didn't get the breakthrough. Until this went on for 18 months until I ended up in Thailand, a big synchronicity, horrible getting there with agoraphobia, I can't even go another story anyway. I'm there. I'm in the hotel perimeter. Yeah. It was unthinkable.

I'm in the hotel perimeter and I'm in Costa Milia. I want to get out and enjoy. I can't with agoraphobia. So I'm getting massages and juices and loving it, but I'm like, enough's enough after the first week I set the intention that in my hotel room, I was going to get the answer and the code to heal this, I was already a [00:17:00] prolific self healer, I was already healing a bunch of other people with body healing modalities.

I'm like, I know, I know there's got to be a way. So my hotel room, I set the intention. I'm going to open my mind, my body, my heart, and I'm going to get the answer. I did it, and I started taking dictation, and as I'm writing, I'm getting so excited because I'm like, I know this is it. So I'm writing things, a lot of it was kinesiology, some of it was theater healing, it was past time Lyme therapy, which I'd already been into, past life regression stuff.

And there was also codes in there that I didn't know, but yet I did. I knew them, even though I logically didn't. So I wrote it down and I spent two hours doing the first ever quantum freedom healing on myself. Two hours later, I'd been able to find all of the primal traumas. It's not safe in my body. It's not safe to be in [00:18:00] life.

Humans aren't safe. These were very, very deep collective traumas that were past life traumas that were genetic traumas that were female traumas. I got them up and out. I got Source in. I was out in Koh Samui in the main street, high fiving, playing in life, connected to everything and everyone with Source having my back, feeling the most powerful, extended and free that I'd ever felt in my life, even before abuse and even as a child.

And The agoraphobia never came back. So when I got back to Melbourne, I said to my clients, we're not doing holographic healing anymore, which was a combination of the best of the best. We're parking that. We're doing this. And it really was like people were getting out of like a hotted up sedan into a Ferrari.

And what happened was some of their persistent traumas that weren't budging, [00:19:00] unlocked and released. I had all of a sudden doctors, therapists, chiropractors, psychologists, counselors. Wanting my details. Cause they're like, what happened to my client? My patient, they walked in the door, a different person today than what they were yesterday.

They're not ruminating. They're obsessing. Like it's not even a thing anymore or their physical ailment or their back or whatever. It's, it's like, They're free of that. So those people came to me for healings. Cause as we know, a lot of practitioners have got their own trauma. That's why they do what they do.

And then they started recommending it to their clients. And then I was writing articles about all of this stuff. It exploded worldwide. So I had, first of all, in Melbourne, I was booked out months in advance. My phone and my email was running hot. Then what happened were people from overseas were saying, I just got talking to Auntie [00:20:00] Judy in Australia, and do you offer phone consultations or what are you doing?

So, anyway, I've been guided by the voice in my head this whole time, which I know is my source or my higher guidance or my... Superconscious self or whatever. So this started to say to me, you need to create a program that anybody could use. So I did. I could, cause I couldn't do it all one on one and I created the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, which is Quantum Freedom Healings.

And I was guided how to do it. Exactly how to do it and what it include in it. I gave it to my clients and I said, use this in between our healings at home. They were accelerating even further because I didn't have to wait once a week for healing. They could do five a day on themselves if they wanted.

And it worked with energy codes and imprints. It worked like we were live and the rest is history. This has now touched the lives of over 6 million people from 150 different [00:21:00] countries. So that's. I had no idea David, I was going to take a revolutionary way to heal trauma to the world. I really just thought I was saving my own life.

And then. I just did what I love doing, sharing it with others. And that's what started the Thriver Revolution of Healing from Abuse. Beautiful, man. There's so much to unpack and I have so many questions for you. So right now there's men. Yeah, no, right now there's men and women listening from all over the world and they're connecting with you.

Most of the time when I've spoken with people in my own life, people I know, people I've interviewed, people I've just observed. They were modeled the dysfunction in their childhood, and even though it was painful and wrong, it was familiar, so that's how they get into a bad marriage with a narcissist, and they repeat the cycle.

Is that what happened to you? Like you [00:22:00] can go as deep or as light as you can, but in your childhood, were you raised by narcissists, surrounded by narcissists? Were you abused? I mean, I'm guessing that's a fact, but I don't want to make an assumption that's not true. Sure. And do you know what, David, sometimes it's not obviously specific.

We've got people in our community that say, yeah, but I wasn't. Then when you unpack it and they start healing, that's when it comes up. So, I mean, I've had great parents in a lot of ways, but it was very much about conditional love. And it was very much about not honoring emotions, not allowed to be emotional.

And you know, I had no skills on how to meet myself, self soothe, be with myself. My father was I wouldn't say he was narcissistic, but definitely selfish and self serving. And and also there was massive conditions on you to achieve. So I never believed I was good enough. I didn't believe that I was [00:23:00] worthy of love and value unless I was ticking all the boxes and performing and fulfilling and doing my share of the heavy lifting.

So I was a classic codependent who is definitely a match for a narcissist. I had high integrity. My parents had high integrity. You know, I did the right thing. I worked hard. I always paid the bills. I kept the fires burning. You know, I'm a classic person. Cause a lot of people think that people who get with narcissistic people are just really messed up from their childhood.

Actually, a lot of them are really successful, intelligent people who are high achievers. It happens to us as well. There's a few different demographics with it. Yeah, and a lot of the high achievement that was tied to that always fighting for the love because it is conditional love. I've seen a connection where they're always trying to win the love, win the approval.

So they become an amazing achiever. It's just at the expense of exhausting [00:24:00] themselves. So that's what I was, I was seeing if that's where you're. Totally, totally. And to the outside world, the high achiever looks like it's all going on, but on the inside, without feeling supported and loved and approved of for themselves, you know, there's a deep emptiness that goes on there for a lot of high achievers.

And that's really where a narcissist can walk into your life. And they're very, very good at fact finding what's missing emotionally. They're emotional vampires. So they find that out. So they see you and care about you and validate you and say, they've got your back and they support you. And they see who you really are on the inside.

They give you all of those messages. So you feel like. You're in a desert and here's your oasis. That's how they get in really quickly. Yeah, 100%. It's like even in the natural world [00:25:00] of animals, you have predators who stalk their prey and they look for characteristics or the one that leaves the pack and they isolate and destroy.

So I feel like we have a good background and foundation. People are connecting with you. They're listening to your story, male or female, like, yeah, I've been there, but I haven't had the freedom. I haven't had the healing. What's some of the things the listeners can start doing now? Because at the end, we're going to transition to where are you today and where are you heading?

How the listeners can get in touch with you and continue the conversation. But if you were to give some practical steps of, hey, if you're connecting, if you're in this situation, here's some steps you can start taking today to get well, what would you recommend? Yes. Okay. Well, I think first of all, let's really identify what you're dealing with.

Don't get too hung up on is it a covert narcissist, an overt narcissist? Is it a somatic narcissist? Like really, you just need to know whether or not you can actually have a relationship [00:26:00] that is safe and works with somebody. People have got to have integrity. They've got to be honest. They've got to take responsibility.

They've got to want to grow as human beings, you know, and what you're going to discover with somebody who is either, look, there's narcissism and there's narcissistic personality disorder. They're selfish, there's unconscious, but let's just get really real here. If you are trying to converse with somebody about what's going on for you.

Or you're leaning in to try to improve communication and the relationship and explain how you're feeling. Somebody is shutting you down, invalidating you, arguing with you like a five year old because they're changing the subject. They refuse to take responsibility. They play tit for tat. They you know, do things that make your head spin.

You have somebody that doesn't want. Partnership. You've got somebody who does not want to [00:27:00] work at conflict resolution with you. You don't want somebody who wants to validate and care for your feelings. They don't, they're not, they don't have compassion. They don't have kindness and they don't have empathy and they're going to twist it back on you.

And they're going to say, well, you're oversensitive. You're a nutcase. You're tripping. This is your stuff. You know, you can't have a relationship with somebody who refuses to lean in and care about your feelings or take responsibility for their behavior. And narcissists do some pretty shocking behavior.

There's no missing it. Okay. So what do you do with somebody like that? That's a toxic person. A toxic person is not interested in resolution. They're not interested in partnership. They're doing a dictatorship. So that means they've got to be superior. You've got to be inferior. So they're not going to work with you in a partnership.

You don't have one. What they're [00:28:00] going to do is purposely trigger you to get the acid off themselves. So what they don't care about the conversation, the details and getting a solution, it could be an argument about two flies going up the wall for all they care. Their goal is to trigger you into an emotional reaction where they can say, look at you.

You're the problem. You're this. You're that. You're the other. Now, if you're in a relationship like that, you can beat your head against a brick wall and you're never going to get sense or cooperation. You only have one solution, which is to detach and pull away. You have to do that. That's got to be your first step.

The more you go in, the more damaged you're going to get. So then when you detach and pull away, this is always about, this is where society goes [00:29:00] so wrong. Society will tell you, you need to try and work out everything about them. No, you don't. You need to work out everything about yourself. Who are you?

What are your values? What are your truths? What will you accept? What won't you accept? Because with anyone in your life where the relationship isn't working, there's only three options. You continue on as is trying to fix and change them and get yourself more damaged. You go along to just get along and get more damaged, or you pull away, get your bar, your truth, your values, and your rights healed up.

And you say, this is where I am. If you want, step the heck up to come and join me at this level of relationship or get the hell out. And it has to come to that. So that's [00:30:00] your goal to get there. Healing, I believe, is so important. What happens in toxic relationships is obscene trauma bonds. I've worked with people who've got off heroin, who have said getting off heroin was easier than a toxic person.

The reason is you've been compromised at every level of your inner being. Love, your connection to source has been completely disconnected. So you don't love yourself. You really despise yourself. Approval. This person's never going to approve of you. You're never good enough. You don't approve of yourself.

You think God doesn't approve if you source your higher power. You're really shattered on that level. Survival and security is completely shattered because these people suck like a black hole. They take your money, they take your resources, they take your life force, they take your energy, they destroy everything in their wake.

So you've had that smashed to pieces. You don't know how with the shell that is left of you that you're going to walk on [00:31:00] and continue. You literally feel like you've been infiltrated by some kind of It's like black ink through your veins. It's like shards of glass running through you. It is unspeakable.

And even standing up and putting one foot after the other and boiling a kettle of water feels almost not doable. And I know people out there that are going through this, you know what I'm talking about because there's nothing like it. So your soul is sick. It's sick. Now, we can just try and get away and get on with it, but most people that doesn't work.

The point of personal catharsis is where life can no longer go on as normal. And it can be argued, and this is the Thriver Mantra, it's all happening for us and not to us. We come to this point in our life where our soul, source, [00:32:00] self says, there's no going on until I heal my original wounds. Because these people are a replay of.

Our unfinished business. A massive technicolor that makes the unconscious so conscious there's no missing it. Just like I had in my epiphany, this actually isn't about them and we can assign far too much power to the narcissist. I want to research all about them. I want to learn all about them. That doesn't heal you any more than getting hit by a car and whoever's next to you chases after the driver and a hit and run and leaves you on the road.

Your inner healing heals you. Information about narcissists does never heal you. So, it's detach and then find the right ways to heal. My statement before about trauma is very important. Trauma is not what happened to you. Trauma is your inner experience in response to what happened to you. Inner experience is [00:33:00] key.

You have to find ways to heal that inner experience, that inner identity. Cognitive stuff doesn't do that. Because let's do these statements. It's very simple. If you say, say the statement, I think traumatized, feel that. And then if you say the statement, I feel traumatized, feel that. It lands as real in your body.

Your trauma's in your body. Your head is a symptom of the trauma. We can't heal significant trauma through thinking, learning, or researching. It's through the inner work. And that's what I discovered with the body healing energetic modalities that work directly on my subconscious was I was actually getting a shift.

I was getting a release. I was getting a relief. I was getting a reprogramming. Everything I'd been doing for [00:34:00] three and a half years, cognitively, in the battle with my soul, in this spiritual war with this narcissist, through my head, nothing held because I'd never changed my being. I was trying to think and do.

My way into a new being, beingness means working on our being. So my suggestion, realize what you're dealing with, realize the more you try to fix this person and get sense, the more you're going to get torn apart, pull away, and then find the way to do the real inner work in your being. Not only if you do that, not, and you commit to that, not only will you get through this and survive.

You're going to clean up all the original traumas that were standing between you and your true, thriving life. [00:35:00] And I mean, real love, incredible health, incredible vitality and youth, prosperity, connecting to your true missions in life, and having the life that durably fulfills you. Narcissus Inadvertently, but perfect on a sole contract level, hand us the experience to put us on the path to the mission of self.

Because if you don't, you don't recover. Yeah. I think that's so well said. And there's so much to that. There's people right now who are in the middle of it. And I think you'd agree, but if not, you say it, I don't care if I'm wrong or right. I just want people to get truth. But a lot of times we're in the middle of it.

You can't even think straight and you've been gaslit and they're making right, wrong and wrong, right. And they're blaming their problems on you [00:36:00] and your mind gets confused. And you know, Sain's the author of Confusion. So having a godly counselor, a solid, you know, person to walk you through this, you know, a great counselor who has proven results, not people who just went to school for counseling, because I'd say eight out of 10 are terrible, but.

You need people to help you work through this because sometimes all of us, like you could take a big project, you're just cleaning something and it's so overwhelming. It's like, where do I start? So you're going to watch TV. I mean, is that, I mean, emotionally, I feel it's the same way. Sometimes you just need help to get the starting point and what's my next step and kind of guide you out of the chaos and madness.

If you get the right person, I couldn't agree more. The danger with, and we see it all the time in our community, there is a big danger with a counselor who's not the right person because they, cause you've probably done all of your research. I mean, it's way out there now. Most people, you know, [00:37:00] get onto the information about narcissists, most, a lot.

So you would be ticking the box the same with a narcissistic. Personality. Now, the counselor might say to you, well, unless they're professionally diagnosed, you can't say that. They may never have been in a narcissistic relationship. They may have never dealt effectively with somebody in a narcissistic relationship.

When somebody's narcissistically abused, they can totally appear as the toxic, demented person and easily be labeled as histrionic All sorts of things. And that happens all the time. Now also too, narcissists are so comfortable in lousy, dark, anti life triggered drama. They love it. They actually fade off it.

They're very good at being very calm and cool in all of that. Now, because we're not, because they are, I'm just going to say it. They're a [00:38:00] dark soul. They're disconnected from source. They think they're God. They're a massive separation consciousness. They've completely pushed down their own inner being, inner child.

It's catatonic. They don't want to look at it. They've created a fictitious self in its place, which is that I am the God master of the universe. It's, it's a complete delusional illusion, so, and they are very happy in dark energy. So if you go to joint counseling, this is a massive danger and we see it all the time.

The narcissist is the consummate actor, very happy in dark energy and cool and calm, will appear as the person who's being abused. You're losing your stuff and triggered and traumatized beyond belief because you're not a dark soul and this stuff is terribly disturbing to your soul. You're broken. You appear like the problem.

[00:39:00] The narcissist can twist it. Back on you being the problem and they've got you even further ensnared in their net and their smear campaigns to get family and friends to give them the narcissistic supply about you. Poor thing. Look at what's happened to you when you've got this spouse who's a, who's a nut job.

You got to be really careful of that stuff. Very. Yo, a hundred percent. I've personally experienced the negative of it. And I think so many people have, and then they give up and they think it's them. You know, this, this licensed counselor is telling me, you know, it's me, but if they follow the journey, it's very clear where the real source is.

Like you said, that dark energy they're embracing. So, Establish one, you know, we have listeners from all over the world and we come at everything from a Christian worldview. You know, what you call source, I call God, you know, Abba, my father. But the thing is, for both of us, the key was God. Just giving it to God, like God, I can't do this.

And [00:40:00] then the second step. was drawing that clear boundary. And sometimes it's hard. Like you said, you gotta throw away your phone. No more contact. No more communication. No more giving him or her the benefit of the doubt. No more trying to fix them. You're not selfish to focus on yourself. It's God, then you, then everybody else.

And, it is God on you. Yeah, so number one is embrace God. Just talk, even if you don't believe in God, talk to him. He loves you, he's your father, and he's there for you, just like you saw Mel, me, so many other people across the world. Second is draw clear boundaries, and if you don't even know where to start...

Again, you pray to God or you get somebody who's actually qualified to help, but let's say Mel, they don't know someone qualified or they don't have the money. That's one thing I was frustrated with counseling poor people and rich people, quote unquote, right? Everybody's got problems. Right. Money's not evil.

The love of money is evil, but money's a tool and you can buy a lot more help when you have money. [00:41:00] So some people don't have the money listening to you to get that help. So if they hadn't learned to draw boundaries themselves, what are some healthy boundaries? Cause some people are abused for so long.

They don't even know what healthy is anymore. So how would you define healthy boundaries? And do you know why, you know, there was defunct boundaries at the start when we're really honest with ourselves, you know, we were going along with other people's comfort levels rather than our own. We weren't speaking up.

We weren't saying no. We've all got that God within that internal GPS, I call it the God protection system. And I had it with him, like where things were going off. And we went along, you know, we we'd been taught to go along, to be loved and accepted because I call it the fears of crap, criticism, rejection, abandonment, or punishment, if you stand up for yourself.

And I had that as a child, I wasn't able to do it. A lot of us haven't, that get with narcissists. So we kind of just, oh, it doesn't feel right, but no, it'll be all right. I'll just [00:42:00] say yes, you know, and that's what gets us into this thing. Plus we bond way too quickly with these people, way too quickly. And there's ways not to, to keep yourself safe in the future, which are easy, that flushes them out, I promise.

But you get to that after you're healing. But boundaries are, okay, let's say somebody's in a relationship with a narcissistic person. The boundary. Always comes back to self definition because, you know, like we could both hear somebody say a comment to us and a comment said to me may trigger me, but a comment, you know, said to you, David, may not trigger you.

The reason why it would trigger me is because I've got an unhealed trauma that relates to it. You know, like say if somebody said to me, well, you're a fraud and a and, you know, you just pretend you're this or that. You know, if I'm solid on that, I'll be like, yeah, right. I know who I am. Go away. Right. [00:43:00] But you know, if somebody said that to you and you haven't healed that part of yourself, imposter syndrome, it's going to trigger you badly and you're going to fight back.

When we're triggered, we fight back. We try to change the person who's supplying the trigger to try to trigger. We have to understand with this, this is a rise into consciousness. Narcissists know where to trigger you because it hooks you into handing over narcissistic supply, which is your emotional energy.

They're feeding off it like a vampire, and I really mean that as a dark soul. Oh yeah. It's massive. Hundred percent. Oh, and it's insane because normal, well, so-called normal. People just don't behave like that, and these people all do. So the way you do boundaries, It comes back to the inner work, the inner healing, right?

And we can talk about, you know, kind of how you can do that in a quantum way. But if you don't have a, if they're hitting you with the same trigger that they [00:44:00] know is giving you, getting you hooked onto them and you heal that trigger up, well then, you know, they'll say that to you and you'll go, good try. I know who I am.

Speak to the hand. I'm getting on with what I'm doing. Right? So no one modified contact, contact is everything. Grey rock is everything. You only have conversations about practicalities. You offer no emotions up. You don't get hooked into any conversations. But grey rock, people often fake it because they're not healed.

And the narcissist is so persistent because they sense. They literally. Are frequently intuitive and they sense there's an energy hookup still there. They'll keep going till they get it. People who heal it up and, and it truly through it, it stops it. Just see, this is it. It's, it's [00:45:00] an emotional, spiritual battle.

It's certainly not logical. It doesn't make sense. And it's not practical. A narcissist isn't even after your money or your stuff. Narcissist is overpower, is in for power and to suck you dry like a black hole takes in celestial entities to sustain itself. It's like a dementor and a look and, and truly David, the people that I see who try to heal this logically and practically don't.

They might get away, they might survive, but they've got PTSD often and usually for the rest of their life. Relationships are impaired. They try to stay by themselves. They've lost trust in self life and others, and they're definitely not expanded and thriving. So, but yes, it's, and the problem with it is too, that a lot of people can't get it.[00:46:00] 

If you hadn't have experienced narcissistic abuse, David, I could come to you from my experience, highly triggered and traumatized, show you what's going on, and you would think I'm making it up, because it's like a bad movie. It's like sleeping with It's like the twilight zone meets the good sun, you know, it's, it's really just a messed up world.

And unless you've been in it, which is sad and unfortunate, you don't understand it. And also too, when you hear somebody go on about it and tell you what's happening to them. And I know a lot of your listeners would have experienced this. People are kind of recoiling. They don't want to know, they don't believe you, you know, they're questioning you.

You're the one that's getting smeared and labeled. Because they don't, sadly and unfortunately, David, the truth with this, that myself and thousands of people I've worked with find it's a lonely [00:47:00] journey at first, but do you know what I really truly believe? That that's by design with our soul and God, because this is a coming home to God and to get right with God and filled with God and, and de traumatized with God and source to be able to know who we are.

And that takes work. That takes contemplation. Definitely. You can get the guidance with that, but if we want somebody to come in and save us. And the people that do who get that usually fall into the clutches of another toxic abuser because they never healed and they're just repeating the same pattern.

Yeah. And man, everybody's different. And I used to, you know, think pride is only, you think you're the best. Pride is anytime you have yourself as a center and you can think you're a piece of trash. And that's still [00:48:00] pride. It's taking away from God and focusing on yourself. And narcissists typically prey on those people.

So there's a verse in the Bible that talks about as many of our, just put one that came to my mind is only by pride cometh contention. And I learned that lesson way too late because I was. Like, how could somebody believe this? How could somebody not see it? And I was so obsessed with just the truth getting out that it exhausted me, sucked me dry and fed the vampire.

Right. And there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of our listeners right now who are in that state. And we're going to talk about more solutions, but you mentioned something that a lot of people don't know about it. I personally didn't even hear the term until probably six to nine months ago. Concept in my head.

Terminology and making the connection wasn't there. Talk to our listeners, our listeners about the gray rock. Talk about what that is. Right. Okay. So gray rock is [00:49:00] where you're just not handing over emotional energy. You've got to remember what the goal of the narcissist is. The goal of the narcissist is significance.

They don't have any of their own. They've got shocking self esteem. Shocking. There's no God present. There's no self present. So, to a narcissist, knowing they can emotionally, energy, emotion, emotionally affect, affect another person significantly, gives them existence, gives them life force, faux life force.

So a narcissist is gonna try and get good or bad attention, it doesn't matter, and have them as the center of your universe. Of your universe. So Gray Rock is, well, no unmodified contact is essential, David. We can't keep taking the drug. And detox from the drug. You can't do it. But in the, in the, in the state where you're still in [00:50:00] the house, you haven't left yet, or you've got children or property matters or whatever.

Third party people are very important. Parallel parenting people, you know, if you Google my name in parallel parenting, you can learn about that. That's a whole other conversation. But Grey Rock is where you just monosyllables, no energy in your voice. It'll be things like this is what I will agree to.

This is what I won't agree to in an email, you know, they'll come because narcissists want to smash your boundaries. As far as a narcissist in their hubris ego run amok, how dare you try to make me accountable? How dare you tell me how to behave? How dare you hold me to a schedule? You're controlling, right?

You're controlling. Respect human standards and decency. How dare you try to hold me to that standard. And [00:51:00] they're so controlling, but you know, they, you know, projected onto you as being controlling. Exactly. Yeah. We're laughing about this, but we're laughing after years of pain. So I hope our listeners who are going through it are also like, it's not just me.

And they're laughing and they're getting, getting like some hope. I thank you for doing this Mel. And I promise you guys and girls out there, like when you get through this, you'll look back at this and you will roar with laughter because it's nuts. It's just nuts. You know, it's insane. These people are insane.

So. So to go back to the gray rock, the gray rock is basically being you. And just saying, I'm not going to let this bother me. It doesn't matter how sick it is. I'm just going to be a rock. They can't hurt a rock. Right. Is that how you understand it? Look at, yeah, look, it really is. And it's just less is best always just stick to facts and, you know, a really good boundary that you can do with email, you know, like a narcissist is saying, well, I want this change and that's [00:52:00] the change you say, this is what I will agree to, this is what I won't agree to.

And it drives them crazy. If you're in court with a narcissist, don't look at them in the solicitor, just address the judge, you know, or the jury or whatever. It drives them crazy. It drives them crazy. And the great thing about Grave Rock is, you know, narcissists are hot wind. They feed off your fear. They will threaten all sorts of things and it's bullying, right?

But as soon as you don't feed them and. If you grey rock and if you really do it energetically from the inside out, where you literally are so healed you don't care they fall to bits. We have in our community so many people who have won court cases, custody, narcissists capitulate. People will tell you it's impossible.

It's actually not. When they can't get your emotional energetic energy, it's the hugest ego insult to them. It's [00:53:00] Like an emotional death to them, they have to get the hell out of your experience. They have to go. They can't be there. Yep. A hundred percent. So now we have people, you know, reach out to God. He loves you.

He's there for you. Draw those boundaries, make the separation and you know, as a Christian, God hates divorce and that is a hundred percent true and biblically, you know, adultery is the reason that's outlined for divorce, but you still want to, you know, try to repair your marriage. But you have to have two people who love God more than even you and they're working towards that goal.

So if you're in a situation without someone who's like that and they're killing you. Literally killing you emotionally, physically, mentally. Like Mel was sharing her story. She was dying. What'd you say? 87 pounds, 77 pounds. Yeah. So you're going to. A little story that, you know, gives people an idea. When I was saying the personality disorder specialist about him, [00:54:00] the woman before me was pregnant to a narcissist whose last three partners had all committed suicide.

And this, and the therapist said to me, she said, That was such a trophy for that narcissist because that gave him the ultimate significance. Look how important I am that people would kill themselves over me. That's how sick this is. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. And if you're in that situation, you've got to separate yourself.

You've got to get well, you've got to, you know, listen to what Mel is saying. Qualified individuals who've really, the people who've been through and are successful and they're teaching others to be successful. Those are the people you want to talk to. You're not just people who studied a textbook and have no idea.

So now. People have reached out to God now, they've drawn boundaries, they've separated. Now let's talk about healing us, healing ourselves, because PTSD is real. I thought it was like, just for soldiers, and I had the highest respect for our [00:55:00] law enforcement, men and women who see terrible things. I refused to believe that I had PTSD, and I had multiple doctors and counselors tell me that.

And then one day I was taking a hearing test, I couldn't hear right. So I thought I had hearing loss. The girl running the machine knows nothing about my situation and she's like, were you a soldier? And I'm like, no, she's like, man, she's like, your hearing's perfect, but your brain isn't connecting. You have every sign of PTSD.

It's like, son of a gun. I guess I have PTSD. And then I went home and read about it. And it was like, Top 10 symptoms I had eight of. So these narcissists really put your brain in a blender. So now somebody's, again, they reach out to God, they've drawn the boundaries, they're working on healing themselves.

Where do you recommend they start? Well, I'm going to be a little bit biased, but I, you know, I would love people to connect to my community because we have A healing program from the [00:56:00] inside out, which is so God orientated because what it is, it's about visualizations, about loading up the trauma from our subconscious brain, body, mind, releasing it and bringing in the light of God to replace those parts in your being that were traumatized.

So what's happening is we're coming home to a full connection relationship with God that's embodied with the light in our actual cells. Now, when that happens, and it was the only thing that ever healed me, when that happens, what happens is PTSD and complicated post traumatic stress disorder is it's not safe to be in my body.

It's not safe to be in life. It's not safe to be on this planet. It's not safe to be with humans. It's a dire unsafety. That's what it is. Now, what happens is when all the traumas that are generating complicated post traumatic stress disorder and my program targets them, [00:57:00] I load it up through the visualization and the releasing of them.

And you feel a somatic, like, Oh God, I just let that go. And then you bring in the light to fill where that was, which is source God creation, the God of all things. And When that light enters, you get the soothing, the healing, the safety, the love, the solidness, and that higher power of God heals what we logically can't.

So there's two ways to deal with complicated post traumatic stress disorder, either find ways to manage it and try to treat the symptoms. Or heal it at the core within your inner being. And that's what the quantum work, which is spiritual, which is of God does. You have to, we can't put ice cream on top of poop.

That's the [00:58:00] problem. And excuse the expression, but, but, you know, like if you've, and it's like, you can't have a rusty old wreck. In your garage and drive a Ferrari in. You've got to get the bad out to make space to get the good in. And unfortunately with trauma recovery, so much of it has been about, well, let's just try to manage it.

Let's try to integrate it. Let's try to find, you know, how we can treat and work around the symptoms. Wouldn't it just be better to just get it up and out and gone and bring the light in and who we really are in the image and likeness of God and just fill with that instead? And that's what we do with Quantum Freedom Healing.

And that's what I did. And it literally gives you trauma by trauma and instant healing. You come out of the healing, years, decades of trauma [00:59:00] is gone in an hour. It just, that's how, or half an hour, that's how it works. Because of the God element. Yeah. I couldn't agree more. And for listeners what Mel's saying, I've experienced my own life and it's not always like, I think you just said, trauma by trauma, it's not always instantaneous one and done, it's victory after victory, win after win.

You got to do the work, but it's so worth it. And. If you face something, like God talks about in 1 John, bring things into the light. And if you bring things into the light and deal with them, it really takes seconds and it can be gone and resolved. So some things are harder to face. That's what takes the time.

But Mel and her team and the, and the material she's created will help you with that. Correct? Absolutely. And we have a global team of global thrivers. We don't call it survivors, thrivers, who can help you 24 7, 365 at any time [01:00:00] in need. You can, you've got all of the tools, all of the coaching, all the support, all of the love.

And what's really beautiful Is we're one of the few abuse forums in the world that are focused on solutions, growth, and healing, rather than focusing on the narcissist sharing war stories and staying stuck in the inner identity of being an abuse victim. Cause there's no healing in that. Yeah, and that's so, that was a tough one and it is a tough one for me.

I've been really good, but I can get stuck and just think about the past. The pain comes and you start thinking about it and you start talking about it and no good comes from that. So you can get really stuck in a cycle and you need to get help out. And that means that there's still a trauma left wedged in your inner identity that hasn't been released and replaced with the light yet, because the brain follows the body.

What happens is once you've actually done that, [01:01:00] the, the, the memory and the trigger of the memory that was red, red hot half an hour before, after it's released and the light goes in, you go back to it. There's no trigger about it. It's like it happened to somebody else. Even though, you know, it was you, there's no emotional energy on it, which means that your mind is no longer in obsession and rumination, trying to think your way out of the trauma.

The trauma just doesn't exist anymore. Therefore, there's nothing to think about. So the crazy obsession and rumination that happens from narcissistic abuse, so common, everybody has it once. That trauma starts getting released and replaced one by one. They just melt away. They're not even there. Yeah, I think that's great.

So from your birth to today and on this topic of just breaking free from the narcissism and finding that peace and that joy in your [01:02:00] life, is there anything that we missed before we transitioned to where Mel is today and where you're headed next and how people can get ahold of you? Really great question because, you know, getting free from narcissistic abuse was only the first step for me that I did years ago.

What it was really about was getting free from all of my limitations and all of my crutches and all of my blocks. That were not allowing me to expand into the life and the person that I wanted to live as. So what I discovered with quantum freedom healing was I was actually able to target the traumas in my body that were blocking any state like, you know, financial blocks or.

Love blocks or even a back injury that I'd had that was so debilitating. I released the trauma that had generated that, that, that experience and my back healed that I was told it could never heal. So what I discovered from this journey was that [01:03:00] we have a true self. We have a God sourced self, which is the image of health and wellness and thriving.

And that's how the creator always intended us to live. We've had this experience in this. duality on this planet of a lot of darkness and a lot of trauma and a lot of pain that we've embodied that we've taken on that has blocked us from living as the likeness and the creation of what we were actually created to live as.

And there is more than enough thriving and plenty and oneness and unity consciousness for everybody, but we've been thrown into the dark ages. What I've discovered is, is I feel so blessed is Corner Freedom Healing has allowed me and thousands of others to get out of that matrix darkness, anti life, anti God trap and come back home to who we're meant to be on every level.

I've helped people clear the, the war veteran trauma, bereavement trauma chronic conditions, not being able to get [01:04:00] pregnant and then they get pregnant straight away. Like you name it, it's, it's. It's how we're meant to live, filled with light, not trauma. Yeah, I agree. And I think so many, I'd say the majority of illnesses and pain that we feel as humans every day, they're more psychological and physiological.

Not you're crazy, not that you're a hypochondriac, but it's just that emotional pain that sets in. I mean, if you get in a car accident, your arm gets severed off your body, that's a real physical injury. But if you're having pain in your back for 20 years, you have fibromyalgia or you have, you develop cancer.

Most of the time, that's emotion that you haven't dealt with that manifests as disease. I've had people as clients who couldn't walk without walking frames for their backs. And you clear the trauma generating that within a week they're walking. Yeah. Yeah. So now where are you all the time? Yeah. So where are you today, Mel?

Where are you heading and how can our listeners get ahold of you? [01:05:00] Gosh. Wow. Where am I heading? Well, I live in one of the most beautiful places in Australia, deep in the Daintree jungle. Off one of the, it's the oldest rainforest in the whole world. So it's pretty incredible spiritually. So where I'm going is I'm going to be starting a trauma relief retreats here.

I'm also going to be training people in quantum freedom healing so that they can take it out into the world and help other people. Heal for real from trauma. So I'm, I'm excited about that, but where people can find me, you can find me at melanietoniaevans. com. So just my name. com. That's my website.

You can I'd love you to sign up to my newsletter. There's a whole heap of free gifts and two eBooks and, and, and subscribe to my platforms because I'm regularly putting out content there. If you're really struggling with a whole narcissistic [01:06:00] abuse stuff, I cannot recommend enough looking at the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, which is MelanieToniaEvans.

com forward slash A for Apple, R for Rabbit, P for Peter. That is the core program that has liberated so many people from all over the world and healed from abuse what nothing else they tried could, could heal. Humbly. Oh, that's fantastic. And I'll make sure there's links in the show notes. So if you're listening to this on Spotify, Apple, you know, go ahead and click, contact Mel leave a review for the podcast while you're there.

Good five star. If not, write me and let me know what we can do better. But no, connect with, connect with Mel to get to the next level. And Mel, I thank you so much for being here today. Is there anything we missed or any final thoughts, things that really helped you or things you just want to leave with our listeners before we wrap it [01:07:00] up today?

Well, you know, David, I kind of want to say, like, if you haven't died, God isn't finished with you yet. No matter how bad it is, what you've lost, how much your heart's been broken, what age we have people in their eighties that started their real life and started thriving and their lives were unrecognizable in under six months.

So. God's got a greater plan for you. And it's actually beautiful. That's beautiful. All right, Mel. Well, thank you for being here today. So thankful you shared it. I know there's a growing number of people that need this across the world, not just in Australia or America, but all over thank you for being so honest and transparent.

And ladies and gentlemen, like our slogan says, like Mel talked about, don't just listen to great content. You can take all the knowledge in the world and put it in your cabeza, your brain. It means nothing if you don't use it. So. Listen to Mel's story. [01:08:00] Replay it. When you're feeling that encouragement, check out her website.

You know, do. Repeat the good things each day over and over again. Form those good, healthy habits. So you can have a great life in this world, but most importantly, an attorney to come. So I'm David Pasqualone. This was our friend, Melanie. And we thank you for being here, Mel. And ladies and gentlemen, we thank you for listening to this episode.

Check out another one, share it with your friends and family, and we'll catch you soon. Ciao.