Ali West | No More Mr. Nice Guy, Unpacking Trauma, & Staying Present in Everyday Life

“Everything happens for a reason” – Ali West

Have you heard the one about the young boy who suffered trauma early on in life? You know, the one where his circumstances made him more on the timid side, but as he got older he learned balance and how to not be so much of a “Nice Guy”.  Today’s guest is going to share with us how he learned to awaken the power inside of himself, and how he even used plant-based medicine to help him with that. He talks a little bit about growing up in Nottingham. Yes, Nottingham. Like Robinhood Nottingham. Then he takes us through his life journey of becoming a physical trainer, then a gym owner, and then leaving it all behind to travel the world. Today, he and his wife travel like nomads throughout the world while they work remotely and coach clients. Listen or watch now to see how he does it, and you can too. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Ali West story!

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My life’s purpose and mission is to inspire as many people as possible to live longer, healthier, happier and more joyful lives. I do this by using my skills and experience in health, fitness, well being, human performance, mindset and spirituality to help individuals become optimally healthy, on all levels, mind, body & spirit.

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Transcript

Ali West | No More Mr. Nice Guy, Unpacking Trauma, & Staying Present in Everyday Life 

No more Mr. Nice guy. Magic mushrooms nodding him and so much more right now.

Hello, my Remarkable friend. Welcome to this week's episode of the Remarkable People Podcast. What we do here, if you're a new listener, is we not only share the story of our guests, but we break down along the way, not just what they overcame or achieved, but we break down the successes in the practical [00:01:00] steps of how they did it, so you and I can too.

At this time. Today we have Allie West. Allie West talks about suffering trauma early on in his childhood, how circumstances made him more on the timid side, but he learned as he got older and he is going to help us no more Mr. Nice Guy kind of syndrome. He's also going to talk about.

Awakening and how he even used plant-based medicine to help him with that. Not that I, or he recommends that for everybody, but it's just the journey he took. He talks about a little growing up in Nottingham. Yes. Nottingham. Like Robinhood, right? Great place. And then he goes into starting as a physical trainer and then he got his own gym and then he left it all.

And now him and his new wife. His wife, not new wife, [00:02:00] but him and his wife. I say new because they're recently married in the last few years and they're traveling nomads and they're traveling the world while they work and coach and his episode has a ton of practical value. So get your pens and paper ready.

Take the notes, enjoy the episode. But most off, like our slogan says, don't just listen to great content. But do it. Repeat it each day so you can have a great life in this world and an attorney to come Check out our website. Check out other episodes. Check out our book. Please Like Us. Please give us five star reviews on Apple Podcasts and on other social media platforms.

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Thank you, thank you. Wherever you're listening to this, but please share it with your friends and family. Like it, rate it, review it, subscribe to our channels, and it's not so we can be popular. So we can be popular so more people find us. So more people get help and grow and thrive, and we can all have success and celebrate together, right?

Help each other grow, love, and glorify each other. Love and glorify God. That's it. So at this time, Ali West is going to take it away and share with us a whole bunch of gold. Enjoy.

Ali West No More Mr Nice Guy Unpacking Trauma and Staying Present in Everyday Life

Hey, Allie. How are you today, brother? I'm doing great, man. How are you man? I'm fantastic. I was just telling our global community a little bit about you, and they're pumped to hear your episode. So what we're going to do is we're going to start with your story from birth, literally through to today.

Then after we hear your story, the highs, the [00:04:00] lows, the everything in between. And the practical steps of how you achieved and overcame what you have in life. Then we're going to transition into where's Allie today and where are you heading? So after you've helped us, how can we help you, my friend? Sound good?

Sounds amazing. Let's do it. I'm excited. All right, man. Yeah. Before we start though, I always ask guests the same question. We have listeners who've been with us for three years and listened to all 150 plus. We've have people listening for the first time all over the globe. If they listen to your episode, they're going to get a ton of golden along the way.

But if they can count on one thing that they're going to learn from this episode, what is that? What's your passion to teach them? Simply being, being yourself, and being present. That's huge. So let's get into that. Being president, president, being present is very, very true cuz you can physically be there, but not mentally or emotionally.[00:05:00]

So Allie, let's start at your birth and bring us through today being present. Super important to you. It's your passion, it's your mission, it's your, it's your calling, it's what you tell people. How did that come to be? So let's start off, where were you born and what was your upbringing? Yeah, let's do it. I was born in Nottingham in the United Kingdom in England, in, it's in the middle of England, about two hours from London and an hour from Birmingham.

And as far as I'm aware, from information I've received from my parents and particularly my mother, I had a pretty traumatic birth. My mom was in slow labor for about 38, 40 hours, and I didn't want to come out and I. Early on that caused a lot of trauma in my life from that immediate moment of coming into this world.

And it kind of made a little bit of a, an odd relationship with, with my mother in my early years growing up though, I had a, an incredible upbringing. My parents were amazing. [00:06:00] They always pushed me to be the best version of myself and to really strive to be great. And I grew up around a lot of positivity, which for a lot of people, They don't have that.

So I was quite blessed from a, a young age to have a lot of positive elements from my parents. They said, you can do whatever you want. You can be whoever you wanna be, which was, which was super positive. I have a younger brother who's three years younger than me, and we used to fight a lot. We didn't have a great relationship growing up, and that started to improve, but not until really into our teenage years.

So junior school was interesting for me. I was, I was bullied a little bit and I never really. I never really felt like a, a fit in there. And then when I went to what we call secondary school in the uk I went to a school where none of my friends from junior school went to. So I was thrown in at the deep end and I had to almost come out of my shell and to some extent change [00:07:00] my identity to fit in with the inner quotes.

Cool kids. But I absolutely loved secondary school. I loved, I loved the education, I loved the friends that I made. And it was a, it was a really great time at secondary school, and I really felt like I, I stepped into being more of an outgoing person because when I was very younger, I was very much shy and introverted.

My passion, before you go on, do you remember, that's such a tough time for most teenagers, right? Are children and teenagers growing the teenagers, do you remember what you did or what changed to help you become more outgoing and less introverted? I think I just put myself out there. I, I found a, a group of people that I enjoyed being around and they were, they were probably a bit different to me.

They were more outgoing and I suppose more mischievous, but I felt like that was the, the kind of people that I wanted to be [00:08:00] around. As I've learned now as I, as I'm older, I was somewhat of a chameleon and I, and I wasn't until into my adult life, which we can come on to later, and I had this almost disassociation, but it was a good and a bad thing.

It was a double-edged sword because it allowed me to make friends with very different groups of people. So I was very much with the cool kids all the way through what you guys would call high school, but secondary school here. But I also was friends with, I shouldn't really say this, but like the, the more geek, geeky kids and the educated kids.

And like, I could move in these different circles because I had this ability to like almost change my, my persona and change who I was. So I fitted in with a lot of different groups, which was very, very interesting, but also caused a lot of issues going into my, into my adult. Which is why I said right at the start, it's all about being yourself.

Cuz for a long time in my life, I wasn't myself. So secondary school was really cool, but then when I was [00:09:00] 13 years old, I had quite a traumatic experience in my life. I had a, a cousin who was five years older than me and he was more like a, a brother than a cousin. And at that time for about a year before he'd moved in with, with my family because his mum had kicked him.

And he was living with me in, in my bedroom. So I was on the top bunk and he was on the bottom bunk and we just got on, got on so well, and he was somebody that I looked up to and I admired. He inspired me, pushed me. He was just an amazing person. And when I was 13 years old, I, I got like a really tragic phone call and found out that he'd been killed in a road traffic accident.

And he was only 20 years old, so it was just like a, it was like a really crazy time. I've got the timelines wrong there. He was, I was 14, sorry, not 13, so 14 and he was, he just turned 20. So like devastating moment. And at 14 years old you don't really know how to death and trauma, especially someone that you see as a [00:10:00] brother and a loved one.

And that was just really crazy time for me. And I almost went off the rails probably for my last couple of years of high school. I was drinking and getting self into trouble. I was down to get straight A's and I probably, I still got good grades. I came out with a few B's and some C's and I think a D, but before that A, that accident and before that trauma happened, I was down to get like straight A's.

So that was a really kind of interesting period as well. But all my life growing up, all I ever wanted to do was be a footballer or soccer, as you guys call it. So that was my passion growing up. I just put all my heart and soul into playing football, and I was, I was good at it. I, I did quite well. And when I was, when I left school, I got into an academy and I was playing a, a, a good level of football, and that was going really, really, And at 19 I had a another traumatic moment, and I, I think this is the first one in my adult life that Len into my whole life.

[00:11:00] Now, when I was 19, I tore my cruciate, my anterior cruciate ligament in my, in my left knee. And for people that don't know about anatomy and physiology, that's the ligament that governs all lateral, which is Saturdays and all twisting movements. All rotational movements. So you can't really play any sorts, whether it's football, basketball, rugby, an open four, whatever the case may be.

I saw that I was out the game for about two years. I had reconstructive surgery and when I came back into the game I could never get back to the same level. A lot of things had changed in football. There's a lot of clickiness and a lot of politics and I, I never got back to the same level. And at 20 years old, I was a crossroads in my life where I didn't know what I to do, cuz all I ever wanted to do was either play football or coach football.

And it wasn't really working out. And randomly a friend said to me, have you ever thought about becoming a personal trainer? And I was like, no, I've never been a gym. I dunno anything about health and fitness. And she was like, well, it might be something for you to look at. [00:12:00] I did a, I did a, a two week intensive gym instructors course, and then I managed to secure myself a job in a, in a, in a health club, like a big chain health club over here over in the uk Sorry.

And. I did that for three years, ran my own personal training within the health club, and after three years, that was 2008 till 2011. 2011, I went out on my own, set, my own personal training business for five years. Did that for five years, and then in 2017 I opened my own gym, which I ran for five and a half years, which brings me to.

September last year I closed my gym and left the UK and I'm currently in Mexico and I'm traveling the world and working remotely. So that was just the whirlwind of my history. And we can go into any of those bits and pieces, and I've probably missed some bits out, but there's, there's five key moments I think, in my adult life that I'll mention to you now.

And if we want, if you want to dip into any of them you can. The first one was that injury that I [00:13:00] told you about when I tore my cruise. The second one was at the end of 2014 when I ended a seven and a half year relationship. I had a mortgage with this person. I ended the relationship and step stepped away from that and ended up staying on my mom and dad's sofa for.

Three months. And then in 2015 I had a huge moment where I went to Sedona in Arizona and a fan spirituality. And I had what can only be described as a spiritual awakening. And then the fourth one was opening my gym in 2017. And then the last big moment was what happened last year when I closed my gym and decided to travel the world and work remotely.

We can go where you wanna go, David, after that? Yeah. No, I mean, we have episodes that are short. We have episodes that are long. The average episodes an hour and 15 minutes, so let's just see where it goes. My first question is this, during your life, there's had to come. There's a point in everyone's life where we have to face the past and then [00:14:00] in order to heal and move forward with the loss of your cousin, who was like a brother.

When did you face that? At what point in your life did that resurface so you could address it and move on? That's a really interesting question. I think when I went to Sedona and, and found spirituality, and again in air quotes, I think that really allowed me to process all of that, and that was what that.

Like 13 years later, 14 years later. I think that allowed me to compartmentalize it and to heal from it because I think I'm a very, I'm a very protective person. I'm a very caring person. I'm, I've been known to other people before myself and I never, I never really healed and. Mourned the loss of, of my cousin.

So I think after that experience, it [00:15:00] made me realize that I could let a lot of that go and I could heal and process that trauma, and I didn't have to take on other people's pain. I, I guess that's the way I can explain it. And then through all the work that I've done from 2015 to now, the last eight years I've spent working on my.

My own self, my own mental wellbeing, physical wellbeing, spiritual wellbeing, emotional wellbeing. I've took my own self-development really seriously in the last eight years and I think all of that work has allowed me to process that as well. Also I dunno if you wanted to get into this, but I've done a little bit of plant medicine as well, and that plant medicine has, has probably helped me process that, that trauma as well.

So there's a few moments, but I think the big one, That point in 2015 when I went to Sedona and my, my whole life shifted. Really? Yeah. No, and we want to talk about the things like everybody's life's different, but there's a lot of foundational things that work for us all. You know, there's always foundational truth, but then there's things like exercise.

If [00:16:00] you're depressed for the majority of people, it may not cure it, but it helps it. So when you were mourning the loss of your cousin, You said it really was the catalyst, I guess, at that spiritual retreat in Arizona, and then you said exercise and different things you changed in your life and your habits.

And then you said plant medicine, so I'm assuming what in America? Weed marijuana? Is that what you're talking about? More say magic mushrooms. Magic mushrooms, okay. Okay. So talk about that. Introducing yourself. I'm not going to lie to you. I know very little about mushrooms and I know that people can take 'em and they say they have experiences and they feel connected.

I know other people like, it's like a nightmare. So what kind of mushrooms did you take? What kind of experience did you have? Is it something you recommend? Is it like, Hey, I flipped a coin. I got lucky. Talk about your journey. Yeah, I think before I get into that, I think [00:17:00] I'll talk about the, the Sedona experience bef before that, because I think that pushed me into these different avenues of plant medicine and breath work and maybe more spiritual practices meditation, which has been a huge game changer for me.

So when I went to Sedona, I didn't know anything about spirituality. I didn't know anything about meditation. I just went to visit my friend who was living in Scottsdale, Arizona at the. And it was his birthday. And I'd just come out of this, this relationship five months earlier that I mentioned where I was with someone for seven and a half years, and I, I left that relationship, moved out of the house, moved in with my parents.

Well, let's go back there. That's a big part of your life. Yeah, it was a huge part. What, what brought you? Yeah. That's why I say we usually go chronologically. So for our listeners, my bad, don't blame all, it's all me. But what, what happened in the relationship? You're usually, if you're with someone for seven and a half years, Either something dramatically changes or you realize the whole time you've been going through the motions, or maybe [00:18:00] you weren't ever fully into her and you were just trying to please her because you were a pleaser.

So what, what was your scenario to stay seven and a half years and end it. Yeah, you just, you just smashed it. You just hit the nail on the head with the second and the third one, definitely go going through the motions. Absolutely. And not being into that person. And also, yeah. Pleasing. That has been a big issue for me my whole life is, is, is trying to be a people pleaser.

And that's something that I've had to work on a lot in the last few years to, to overcome. So, yeah, I realized probably a long time before the end of 2014, it was probably a couple of years before I realized that me and this person were just coexistent. We weren't really, we weren't really in a loving, beautiful relationship like you, you think, or you, you want a relationship to be.

So I made a conscious decision around Christmas time New Year, which is probably the worst time to end a relationship at the end of 2014 that I was going to [00:19:00] end the relat. This was really difficult for me because I'd been in a couple of relationships prior to that, and the other person had always ended the relationship, so I had to do a lot of like, thinking about it and soul searching.

But I decided it was the best thing, not just for me, but for, for both of us. So I, I just had it out with, with this person. I just freshed it out and I just said, look, I don't think it's right anymore. I don't feel like. We're in a loving relationship. I feel as if we are coexisting, we've got our separate lives, and it's, it's not how it should be.

And obviously it was heartbreaking for her and it, it was a, it was really tough because I didn't think she expected it, but I knew deep down that I was making the right decision. And the best thing for me at that time, and it's different for everyone, but the best thing for me was to take myself completely away from that relat.

And just go and move back in with my parents. So I left her in the house. I still contributed towards the bills, but I went and slept on my mom and dad's sofa for at least like a month. And I think then they moved me into my dad's office and I was sleeping like on a [00:20:00] camp bed, and it was just like a, a really like crazy time.

And I was lying there. I remember lying there on my mom and dad's sofa thinking, have I made the right decision here? But I knew deep down when I asked myself in my heart that I had, and at that time as well, just at the beginning of 2015, I, I'd. My now wife, Sarah, and we hit it off straight away. We, we, I think I was out of that last relationship, like maybe like a month or two.

Met Sarah or I, I knew her from before, but we kind of got together, had a coffee, and then we just hit it off and I knew straight away that Sarah was the person for me. She was almost like in quotes, a soul mate. So we started seeing each other. After a few months, I moved in with Sarah, and then I think I'd moved in with Sarah a month, and I went to Sedona.

And met my friend and he said, oh, we're going to go to Sedona. And I was like, I don't know anything about Sedona. He's like, oh, it's a magical place. There's energy there, there's fores. People have said they've seen aliens there. I was like, okay, whatever. So we went into Sedona. Yeah. [00:21:00] Yeah. It doesn't matter if you're in the uk, America, Antarctica, everybody's hooked on aliens.

Right? Exactly. Exactly. So he took me to Sedona, I think we went for two nights or three nights and we did some hiking and we hiked up a few of the rocks and then we sat down on a, a rock and. Ali, do you wanna do some meditation? And I looked at him like, I don't know about meditation. I dunno what to do. I dunno what to do, I dunno anything about it.

He's like, don't worry, I'll guide you through it. So we sat there close, close our eyes, and he took me through this meditation and it was just the most incredible, magical experience I felt. Just so present, so overjoyed, so happy. So grateful. I felt like this rush of energy come into me like this beam of light come into me.

And it was just like incredible. And I came out of it and I said to him, that was amazing. He was like, wow, you said you must be really responsive to it. So we did a little bit more hiking. And then on the second hike we came back down Cathedral Rock and we sat halfway down [00:22:00] and my friend Paul said to me, do you wanna do a second meditation?

I was like, yeah, I really enjoyed the first, first one. So we sat down and we did the second meditation. And this was the crazy stuff I had. I started getting almost like Claire audience voices coming in. I heard Sarah talking to me from the UK and she was back in the UK and I was in Arizona and then, I had this energy pushing me to one side almost as if a magnetic energy.

And my friend said to me, what are you doing? I said, it's not me. It's an energy pushing me. He, he said, shut up. So he pushed me back and then the energy pushed me back and it was, it was this to and throw between me and my friend and, and this energy. And it was so weird. And he was like, this is crazy. And after that, that was it.

That was just, I was just hooked on meditation. I was hooked on this kind of idea of there's a higher power and there's something bigger and greater than, than what we are. And I just continued to meditate and meditate. And define the process. What [00:23:00] type of meditation did you do? Was it just breathing and clearing your mind?

What kind? So the first one, the, the first one, I now know that he, my friend threw me in at the deep end because we did a, a meditation called the merkaba meditation, which is where you close your eyes and your, you're visualizing the different colors of like the chakras and sending those energy into, The two star Teron in, which is like the, the star of David.

People will know what the star of David is. So it was a really advanced meditation, but I didn't know that at the time because I was just responsive. Or just, I had no preconceived ideas. I was just there. So he guided me through it. The second one was more of, I'd say a traditional kind of breathing and, and grounding meditation.

So they were the first. And ever since that I j I was just hooked on meditation and I, I got, I can get into meditation really easy, so I don't know whether it. The right place, right time. I don't know whether it was Sedona. I don't know [00:24:00] whether something happened to me. I dunno what it is. Maybe I'll never know.

But I know from that day when I had that meditative experience that that shaped the whole rest of the, of the next seven or eight years, bringing me to where I am now. Which leads me into the question you asked me about and if you wanna go back to that, we can. But leads me into the question about plant medicine.

Probably two or three years into this, this spiritual development and this, this spiritual path that I was. I kept hearing about plant medicine. I heard people like Tim Ferris mention it and a few other people on podcasts, and I was like, this is interesting. People keep mentioning it and people are saying how beneficial it is and how it can help them.

So I looked into it and then I read a book by James Fatman called The Psychedelic Explorer's Guide. I think that's it, but it's definitely by James Fadiman. Yes. Psychedelic Explorers Guide and that said about how to do plant medicine in a safe way. So it talks about setting. The setting environment that you're in, the mindset going into [00:25:00] it and all the ways to do it in a safe way.

So I I, I get, I kept getting the pool to do it and I thought, this is, this is for me. I did my very first experience and I took a very small do dosage and I had a great experience, but the most powerful one actually was last year when I took a, I took a big dose of four and a half grams of mushrooms, which is quite a high dosage, and I just had a, a really.

Amazing trip. Very challenging, but also very transformational. And that was, that was with my wife. We did it together and that was super powerful. So I think what I'd say about mushrooms, whether it's mushrooms or any other form of, of plant medicine, is if you are going to do it, make sure you're doing it in a safe way and that you know what you're getting into and that you probably have somebody that's got experience with you that's done it before.

They call it a sitter, somebody to sit with you and guide you through the process. And just, just make sure that you're in a good mindset when you go to do it. And I think, I think everybody should [00:26:00] maybe give it a go and experience it. But whether it is for everyone, that's not my place to say. And obviously if people do do it, it's, it's, it's at their own risk.

And I'm not, I'm not advocating it. I'm not promoting it. I just know that it's helped me and I know it's helped a lot of other people as well. And then what are you saying? Like what did you experience, like when you say it helped you, What did it do specifically? I think the fir, the first time I did it, it made me realize that we put a lot of, we put a lot of emphasis on stuff that doesn't matter.

We worry about stuff that doesn't matter. We spend so much time. Anxious about the future or worrying and regretting about what we did in the past. Hence why I say I'm all about being present and, and living as presently as as you can. I think the first experience showed me that, that [00:27:00] don't worry about stupid stuff, that doesn't matter.

Cuz again, for, for a long time in my my life, I was a, a worry. I used to worry about a lot of stuff and I've, I've pretty much put that to bed now, the whole worrying thing. So I think that was the first. The second one, well, this wasn't the second one. I've done a few trips, but this the sec, the second one that I spoke about, the big one that I did last year, that one sh when I went into it, I actually set an intention.

I said to, I said to the, the mushrooms, I said, All I want you to do is show me my purpose. I just want you to show me my purpose, what I'm here to do, because I've been battling back and forth with that and really trying to get grounded in what am I here for? What am I, what am I meant to do? What's my mission?

And I asked the, the mushrooms before I ingested them and I went through this crazy like six, seven hour trip if of really getting connection to my wife and realizing. [00:28:00] We've got this deeper connection on a, on a deeper level, on a more soulful spiritual level that almost can't be broken. I think that was a big highlight from the first portion of the, of the trip getting towards the end.

I had a big powerful message that said to me that you don't have to take on other people's pain. And I mentioned this earlier, that I've, I've often taken on other people's pain and, and embodied that, and it's. A detriment to my own wellbeing. So that was the second towards the, towards the end, the second big takeaway.

But the third big one, I was lying in bed and I was coming, almost coming out of it. And I was like, right, I'm ready to, for this to end now. And then I thought to myself, I still haven't got this message of what's my purpose. So I asked again, I was like, what's my purpose? And then as clear as day it hit. My purpose is to bring a child into this world and to have a child with my wife.

And that was the message. It, it, it said to me, you're going to have a child. And it was even clearer than [00:29:00] that. It said, you're going to have a daughter, and your daughter is going to be more stronger and more powerful than you. And I just broke down into tears and I told my wife and she started crying as well. But it was just so clear I could, I could see it.

I think that's the power of, of whether it's mushrooms or you can obviously have the same experience with marijuana or L s D or, or some people do Ayaka or D M T, whatever it is. I think they can unlock this stuff that's inside of you or is around you that you may, you may already know it's there, but you just need it unlocking and, and they can show you messages and, and, and maybe paths to go down.

And then I think it's automat. Up to you, how you process that information. Just the same as you get information from a book or your listeners are going to get information from this podcast and value from this podcast. It's how you, how you put it into your own life and how you add that to your journey and you [00:30:00] navigate through life.

That that'd be some of the, the big things that, that happened in terms of all the other stuff, what people might know about. I've experienced all that as well. So the, the geometric shapes. The psychedelic kind of images, walls move in all of that stuff as well. But for me, yeah, that's cool. But that's, that's not why I've done them.

I've done them from more of that, that deeper level of trying to understand myself and try to be a. Be the best version of myself and be my truest self and, and stand in my truest self as well. So that's all the, all the development developmental work that I've done is all about that. It's how can I grow every single day and, and step into who I really am and live and fulfill my purpose so that I step out of this world a better person than when I came into it.

Gotcha. And then did your wife, you said you did it together, was it just the same time? Or did you communicate [00:31:00] during the journey, during the trips? Like how did that work? Yeah, we, we, that was the second time that we'd done it together, but not on that kind of scale of, of the dosage that we did, so that, that time we were together.

We sat side by side in our, in our living room. And we were both having experiences and we were both getting similar messages. But then I had to remind myself, and I think Sarah did as well, that yes, we were tripping together, but we're both having separate trips. And that's the thing, if you do do it to your listeners, if they do do it with with someone else or with a group of people, you've got to be aware that that person's energy or what's happening in that person's trip could potentially affect your trip as well.

So I think for people, my advice for people starting out would be to do it on your own or maybe with somebody that's going to guide you through that process that that hasn't ingested. Whatever that substance may be, that can guide you through the process. [00:32:00] However, my wife and I, Sarah, we wanted to do it together.

That was the whole kind of idea that we had. And we had a, we had a really memorable experience and it was also beneficial because there was a couple of times where we both maybe felt the trip going maybe a bit dark or down an avenue that we didn't wanna go, and we was able to pull each other maybe more into the light and more into that positivity.

And some people may, may wanna step into the darkness, but at that point, I didn't wanna go into the darkness. I just wanted to have more of a positive, purposeful, uplifting trip. Although there were some challenging moments and I definitely shed some tears. But I know some people do wanna do it to step into the darkness.

And I, I do, I do know, I do now know that whether it's mushrooms or whatever, they can take you to that place if you wanna go. Yeah, and see for me, I've never done this, so forgive me if I'm asking ignorant questions, but I. The backer on I come in is no drugs, right? No drugs. No drugs. No drugs. Like [00:33:00] now when we grew up marijuana, it was a drug.

No drugs. No drugs. Now cuz the governments can monetize it. It mo it's the greatest thing in the world. Let's cure cancer, let's, you know, you'll be three inches taller. And I do believe like cigars and marijuana, I believe there's a lot of medicinal benefits. I'm not saying there's not, I'm just saying everything we're.

Sometimes comes to a skewed filter of money and greed. Right. So when it comes to drug use, I, I really have no personal firsthand experience. Just what I've observed through others. I've seen people take trips on N S D and mushrooms and they almost kill themselves or other people. And I've had other people like you, they're like, oh, they're shapes the colors.

Everything's happy. Right. So when you did that with your wife, did you have like a babysitter or someone to keep you from doing anything crazy or harming? No, no, no. And this is why I think the mindset is so important, the, the two biggest things. And I think anyone that's got any experience and people that do this [00:34:00] from a, a medical standpoint as well for research purposes, they will tell you that the two most important things are the set and the setting.

So the set is your mindset going into the trip, and the setting is your environment that you do. Every time, every time that I've done it, I've done it in an environment where I feel calm, I feel relaxed, I feel safe, and I feel at ease. I still don't think, even after I'm probably like, I've done five, six, maybe even more mushroom trips.

I don't think that I would do it in say, like a festival or something like that. I, I just, I just wouldn't because that's not how I, I want to do it. And also I believe, It's medicine. It's from the earth. It's, it's, it's god's put those mushrooms there for us to use and that they, they have a, that medicinal purpose.

I don't think they should be used as, that's just my opinion. I don't think they should be used as recreation. The same goes with, with marijuana to some extent. And I know a lot of people [00:35:00] use marijuana in a, in a recreational way, but for me, I feel like we should use them for teaching and for medicine and for guidance.

So I have, I have more respect for it than to say, oh, I'm going to go to a festival and I'm going to listen to the pumping music and, and take it. Yeah. So the setting I've, I, I've always been in a relaxed environment and then the mindset, if you'd have said to me before I went to Sonsona or Allie take, takes like even half a gram of magic mushrooms, I'd have been like, no way.

And I think, I don't think I would've been in the right mindset anyway. And I think that might have led into maybe a bad. I don't think there is such thing as a bad trip. I think you might have challenging trips that that challenge you. And I think if you do have one of those, that's again why it might be important to have a babysitter or a guide there with you.

But for me, I knew when I was going into them, I'd done a lot of work on myself prior, and I was in a very positive mindset. I'd also done a lot of meditation, a lot of breath work, had this [00:36:00] spiritual awakening, so I was in a good place mentally. My advice if for someone that's not in a, a good space mentally, would be to not do it unless you're going to do it in a medical, a medical environment where you've got a medical professional with you that's going to guide you through the process.

But people can just look at the research. There's a lot of, lot of research being done with, with psilocybin mushrooms, with L S D and with.

D M t and a missing one, which will come back to me. M D M A, that's the one I was looking for. So there's a lot of research being done in with those particular compounds, with people that have got P T S D, with people that have schizophrenia, mental issues, and a lot of the more so. Than bad. Like a high percentage of the research is, is positive, but that's done in a controlled environment, in the right setting with a guide with the [00:37:00] right dosage.

So yeah, I think if you are going to experiment with this, this kind of medicine, make sure that the mindset is on point and that you're in a, in a great environment, in a good setting, but that still doesn't guarantee that you're going to have a a positive, uplifting experience. Yeah. Let's shift gears a little bit because you talk about mindset a lot, and that's so true in leaving someone after seven and a half years, you have to be in the right mindset and you obviously, there's time that you are thinking and it brought you to the point, but then you want to be prepared for when you meet that spouse or like you said, your soulmate.

And it sounds like you had the nice guy syndrome where you were a really nice. You're a people pleaser. So what did you do to change? Because being a quote unquote nice guy isn't a good thing. It's not a healthy thing. We live in this man condemning, like every guy's a misogynist and [00:38:00] we're, we're like evil to have a penis and testicles, right?

And to be alpha male. But that's not true. That's not how we're made. That's not even how nature works. But because we're conditioned in most countries, We're even led through school as men by female teachers in the young ages. And we're just basically taught to be geldings. Just listen, obey bow to women.

And I think men and women are different but equal. I think similar, but not the same. And the nice guy syndrome is something myself, it sounds like you and so many men struggle with because our society is just pounding our mind saying, we're wrong for being a male. So how did you break that cycle? So you could have a healthy relationship with Sarah?

Yeah, I think for me personally, that overcoming of the Nice Guy Syndrome has not really changed in probably, probably until the last couple [00:39:00] of years, and I'll touch on that in a second. The biggest issues for me were, yeah, being a nice guy, worrying a. And also that chameleon, that disassociation, I think they were the, they were the three big issues that I had.

But what does that ultimately boil down to? A lot of that to me boils down to not standing in your power. So for so long, for my whole life and my whole adult, adult life, I'd not stood in my own power and my own strength and stood up for my own beliefs. I'd been a pushover. I hated confrontation, and to some extent I'm still not a massive fan of confrontation, but I'm a hell of a lot better at it than I was 5, 10, 15 years ago.

So I was always pushed over. I was always kind of walked all over. And I think in that previous relationship, although it was a long one, seven and a half years, I think I was walked all over by by that person. And that's not that she was a bad person. [00:40:00] Not at all. She was not a bad person and, but I. I just folded every time, every time there was confrontation, because I've always been a people pleaser because I've always put other people before myself.

I was like, no, it's okay. When really I should have just stood in my power and just stood up for what I believed in, and, and, and al also, when you're standing in your power, that's being yourself. A lot of people think that if I stand up for myself and I stick up for myself and I be a man if, if you are a man listening to this peop a lot of guys think that that's, that's being someone else, but it's not.

It's being yourself and it's being true and it's being masculine, and I feel like I've, I've had these strong feminine traits my whole life. So when I ended that relationship, it was probably the first time in my adult life where I'd actually studied my power, which led me to. When I got with Sarah, I felt, I felt more at ease that I felt as if I could be myself more around her and, and be who I really wanted to be.

But also we, we had [00:41:00] so much in common. We shared a lot of the same interests and there's so many different factors to her, but I think that was a big thing. And then at the end of. So sorry. The middle of 2021, I started working with a psychologist because I felt a bit stuck and a bit lost with my career, and she helped me fresh a lot of this out.

She, she pointed out those three big things that I mentioned to you, the, the, not standing in my power being the big one, but the chameleon aspect, the people pleasing aspect. They, they were, they were big standout things that she picked out and, and ever since that work with her, I've been working on this stuff and I'm a lot more confident now when it comes to standing in my power.

I'm a lot more myself now than I've ever been, and I think that's the best thing you can do. The best thing you can do in this life is be your tr, be your truest self, and then you attract all the goodness into your life, whether. Success or financial stuff, or abundance or the right relationship, or the right friendship groups.

Or the right people. I truly [00:42:00] believe that when you are being yourself, that's when all the amazing stuff happens in your life Now, what kind of exercises or what kind of habits did the counselor work you through to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome? Just talking. Just talking. Just asking questions.

Because this is another thing that I've learned. No, hold on. When she's asking the questions though, you had learn to be real, right? Yeah. To absolutely express what you're really feeling. Absolutely. So it's not talking cuz that's a chameleon right there, right? We're talking about answering truthfully and honestly, even when it's super uncomfortable.

Yeah. I think, I think because of the training that, that, that individual had, and maybe not just the training, the experience, but also we, we connected on a, on a di deeper level, you know? Sometimes if you're working with a professional or a therapist or psychologist or coach, sometimes you don't connect on that deeper level.

And I think we had that kind of rapport and that connection before we even started working with each other professionally. [00:43:00] And I think she asked the the questions and she dug stuff out that I did not, I did not expect. So because it was so, mm. Shocking and awakening. I couldn't really chameleon, I couldn't really lie about it because I was like, wow, this is like really hitting deep in the heart and deep in the gut that I, I've got no choice.

But to tell the truth and be myself, but also I, I was paying her a lot of money and I, and I know like that shouldn't be a thing, but I think if you're working with someone and you're paying that person money, and I've done this, I've made this conscious decision. It wasn't like she asked me to, oh, do you wanna work with me?

I decided to start working with her. So why would I waste that time and that money and that energy if I wasn't going to tell the truth? So she was asking these deeper questions and she un uncovered this stuff that I didn't expect. And then that just made me like go back and think, oh yeah, right. Yeah. Do you remember that?

And yeah, this has shaped who I am and then, It's just about me making the, the conscious [00:44:00] choices when these situations, a, a arise to not slip into old alley, to slip into the real alley and, and stick, stick up for myself and be in my power. And it was interesting. I, I don't believe in, I don't believe in coincidences, and I do believe everything happens as.

Happens for a reason, however you wanna look at it. But literally, after two months of working with her, I had a friend, and this is the same friend that I went to see in, in Arizona. He he, he sent me a message and it was like quite offensive. And he, he was saying a lot of things that I didn't believe.

In and I didn't agree with, and it was just really off the cuff. And I, I was quite shocked by it. Maybe it was in a bad place at the time, and old Ali would've been like, oh, it's okay mate, don't worry about it. Like, no, I'm going to stick up for myself. And I sent a long WhatsApp voice note back. I was like, I don't agree with what you're saying.

Look at all the stuff I've done for you and what we've done together, et cetera, et cetera. And I left it. And Sarah was said to me, are you going to message again? Message him again? I [00:45:00] said, no, I'm not. I'm just going to leave. I left it and left it. Old alley would've caved and I'd have just messaged him like, is everything okay?

I just left it and a couple of months went past, and then I got a message out of the blue from him and he said, and he just, it was just back to normal, sent me these messages and then we're, we're closer and stronger than we've ever been, even though he's the. The other side of, of the world to me. But we're just, we're close and strong like we, we've always been.

And I think if I hadn't have stuck up for myself in that situation and I hadn't have done this previous work, then it might have gone in a different direction. So that's an example of how that work with this psychologist had helped. And also she helped push me into what I'm doing now, which is more aligned with who I am and what I want to be doing as opposed.

When I was in fitness, I enjoyed it, but then it started to, it started to grate on me and I started to lose the love and the passion and mojo for fitness. Hence why I, I [00:46:00] closed my gym and stepped away from that last year. Alright, yeah, let's talk about that. So you're newly married, you have a gym? No, they're married for five years, six years.

This. Yeah, no, I'm saying, but still, it's still relatively newly married. You're married for a couple years and, and is my timeline right? You're married for three years, then you decide to close the gym. We were married for two years and then I opened the gym and then my wife Sarah came and worked for me at the gym.

And then we ran the gym together from 2017 to 2022. And then we left the UK in September last year. And I'm currently in Mexico. Yeah, so talk about that cuz you didn't just affect your own life, you affected her. So how did you guys come to the decision to sell the gym? Why did you sell a gym and how'd you get to Mexico?

Yeah, I think this is all aligned with, with being who you are, doing what you wanna do, doing what you're passionate about, following [00:47:00] your dreams, following equals, following your aspirations, and ultimately following your purpose. And I. The gym was an interesting one because I think that I, I did it to prove a point to myself, but also to prove a point to others.

I think it was the next logical step after working for a health club and being an educator and then running my own personal training business. I think the next leg logical step for most people in that industry is to, is to open your own facility, whether that's a gym or a studio, whatever the case may be.

But also I wanted to prove a point to others that, look, I can do this and I wanna do it and approve to myself that I could do it. So I did that and it was just a real rollercoaster of a, of an experience because I started off with a business partner and he basically nearly bankrupted the whole operation.

He wasn't who I thought he was going to be. We managed to get him out the business. And then we had like lots of financial struggles and ups [00:48:00] and down. And then took on another investor in the business and the whole time was turbulent. And then obviously covid hit and we had these lockdowns and closing the gym.

So when it got to 2021, I was like, look, I'm fed up with this. And we'd always had this passion and this dream of traveling. We'd always enjoyed travel, and the only thing that was holding us back from that was the gym. However, for 14 years, all I knew was health and fitness. That's all it'd ever. From, from 20 years old to 34 years old, that's all I'd ever done.

So I didn't know any different, and for the first time in my life, I didn't know what the next step was, what I was going to do next to make this dream a reality of traveling and working at the same time. So that's why I decided to work with this psychologist to help fresh that out. And then I formulated a plan to not only exit the uk, but do something that I could do remotely.

And I'm now. I'm now life coaching for, for men online and helping men to discover their [00:49:00] purpose and live a life of fulfillment. And it's a lot more aligned with what I wanna do and who I wanna be, but also it brings me more fulfillment. And I think that's the key thing. But what I wanna point out about this is how we made this happen is that we put a, we put an end date on it, we put a deadline on it, and then we took action.

And I think that's the key thing, I think without a deadline. This dream is just a pipe dream and you can, you can say you're going to do it, but until you have a deadline, that was the key thing, and that was one of the first or second sessions I had with the psychologist. She said to me, look, you need to put an end date on this, which is what my wife and I did.

We put an end date of December, 2022. We said, by the end of 2022, we're going to be out of the UK and we're going to be traveling one way or another. And we did it two months ahead of schedule. And I think when you've got that deadline, then you can kind of reverse engineer it and you can start working towards that.

So we did everything in our power. We sold all of our stuff. We looked to close the gym and sell the gym and get out of that. [00:50:00] We, we put all of that in motion. And then we got to that end point of the 30th sep of September where we said, right, we're going to close the gym on the 30th of September. And then a month later, we f we flew to, to Porto Valarta in Mexico and started this new life of, of traveling and working remote.

So that's kind of how it happened and how it all came about. But the biggest catalyst was it what for? It was the fact that I'd lost my passion, lost my mojo, lost my love for health and fitness, and it was no longer lighting me up like it used to. And I think when you're in that situation, and this is my guidance and advice to most people, is when you are in that, in that situation, when you feel stuck and you feel a bit lost, and you feel like you've lost the passion, you have a choice, then you have a choice.

You can either keep on going. Through the motions and live in that same groundhog day. Or you can say, no enough's enough. I'm going to step away from that and I'm going to do everything in my power to make my dreams a reality, which is what I'm doing now. That's awesome, my friend. Now, as long as [00:51:00] you have internet and electricity, you can probably work from anywhere.

Or even if you're doing a lot of coaching, cell phone service, you're good to go. Right? Exactly. Nice. Now how are you are you trying to stay still like we do three months here? Are you just winging it a month here? Three weeks there, eight months. How are you scheduling your life now? Yeah, it's just it's been a, been, been a journey of adventure.

We I'd say winging it, to be fair, I'd say winging it. So we had our first month booked, we spent a month in Helico, and then since that, we've just been on the move, mainly staying a month in each place. I'm currently in Chiapas San Cristobal in Chiapas, Mexico, and this is our seventh state. So we've, we've done a fair amount of traveling in five months.

We've been to seven states, but it's been amazing. It's, it's what? What I've always wanted to do and going back to being present, like I mentioned to you right at the start, David, I just feel so present and a lot of people have been saying to me, oh Ali, five months in [00:52:00] Mexico, that's gone so quick. And personally, I don't feel like that.

I feel as if I've been here for years because I feel as if I've been so grounded, so present and also. I feel fulfilled doing what I'm doing more so than I ever have in my life. And that's why the time doesn't feel like it's, it's, it's, it's gone fast for me. I feel as if it's gone slowly. And that's the power of, of, of being present.

So yeah, we're moving around taking it each day as, as it comes, yes, I've got a loose plan and me and my wife have got a loose plan. Here for another month. We are heading actually to Cancun, to the Yucatan region for the last month on Friday. And then we're off to Costa Rica for three months, and then who knows after that?

Nice. Very nice. I'm happy for you, my friend. So what are tips, like practical tips? People listen all over the world, all different situations. Let's say they're not in a situation where they can liquidate everything they have and travel. They got kids, they got responsibilities, right? Not that you can't do it with kids, but it does take it [00:53:00] to the next level of difficulty.

But what are ways to stay present if you're working in an office space or if you're independent and traveling the world? What are ways that you found help you stay present in everyday life? It's a good question. I think the first one has to start with, with gratitude. I think if you are happy and grateful.

In each moment that can lead you to being more present and just being in general, just being present, being yourself, living life as it should be lived. I think gratitude's a big one. So if you can start your day with, it doesn't even have to be three things. A lot of people say three things that they're happy and grateful for.

Just wake up and just say, today, I'm grateful for X. Could be grateful for waking up, grateful for your spouse, grateful for your partner, your kids, whatever. I think gratitude is something that really helps you to [00:54:00] be grounded in the present moment. That's the first one. Super, super powerful. The second one, I'd say is something that we all have but is so under underrated and underutilized is the power of the breath.

Breathing is the most important part of health and wellbeing. We all do it, but we all take it for granted because it's so automatic. But the great thing about breathing is you can put yourself in the driving seat and you can control it and research and science now shows that when we control our breath and we're focused on our breathing, that can impact our whole physiology.

So if you can be in an office environment, for example, and you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, or maybe the bus is just shouted at you, or you've got a deadline to me, just ground yourself in three deep breaths or a couple of deep breaths just in through the nose, out through the. And you'll be so surprised at the impact that just having or taking three deep breaths can have it.

It grounds you in that [00:55:00] present moment. It relieves a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, a lot of stress. And the breath is, is just an anchor point to the present. That's why in meditation it's used all the time because it grounds you in that present moment. So that would be the second one when it comes to, to being present and.

The third one I'd say would be developing, developing the skill of self-awareness. And I do believe it is a skill. I think a lot of people aren't aware, nevermind self-awareness, they're not aware in general for whatever reason. There's a, there's a plethora of different reasons why people aren't self-aware and why, why people aren't aware.

In general, we have a lot of distractions. We have a lot going on in our lives. We leave, we lead busy lives. However, I do believe that everyone can develop self-awareness, and this is a superpower. If you can become more aware in general and are more self-aware of, of everything of, of [00:56:00] what's going on, of where you are in space and time, of your fears, your worries, what you want for the future, your dreams, your aspirations.

If you can be more self-aware and you can develop self-awareness, I believe that that can bring you more presence as well. That can lead you more into the present. That are three. That are three big ones. Yeah. No, I think those are great. Very, very great. Thank you for sharing that, Allie. So let's do this.

We went through your birth to today. Is there anything between birth and today that we missed or any kind of concept or thought you want to share with our audience before we transition? We kind of talked about where you are and where you're. But before we make that final transition, is there anything we missed in your life or any kind of closing thought you wanna leave with our listeners?

I don't think so. I think that, I think the big thing that I just wanna point out is that you, you briefly touched on it, and we've obviously spoke about it with my story, [00:57:00] that I think the trauma is a big thing and people don't realize how much trauma they have and it doesn't have to. This big trauma. It doesn't have to be what we'd call macro trauma.

We can have these micro traumas, whether it's just getting bullied at school or maybe the teacher spoke to you in the wrong way or your parents locked you in the room, or whatever it may be. We all have these traumatic experiences and a lot of the time we just bury them, and I think if you really wanna grow and you want to develop a.

The best person and you wanna live the best life. I think that we have to unpin and unpack some of these traumas. And the last kind of, I'd say the last three to five years, that's what I've worked heavily on and. It's almost like lifting that, that lead vest off of you or lifting a huge block of weights off of you When you really do unpack this trauma, and I'm not saying forget your trauma and just eliminate it from your life, but you've got to process it.

And if you don't, this will show up in your adult life. And I've only [00:58:00] really learned about this in the, like the last three to five years, but when you do learn about it and you do unpack and process your trauma, it can have a huge, huge impact on you. A huge effect in, in a positive way for. It may be challenging, but that's the whole point.

The whole point of life is to to step out of your comfort zone and get challenged, in my opinion. Yeah. That's always worth it at the end, at the finish line, you know, each, each mission we go on, it's worth it. Well man, thank you so much, Allie. If somebody wants to get ahold of you, what's the best way, especially when you're on the road, what's the best way for them to reach out?

Social media, email, website. What's the best way for people to contact you? My. Currently on social media, so I'd say Instagram or LinkedIn. And it's the same handle on, on both platforms or on all platforms. It's just Ali Westco. So my name and then coach on the end. A L I w S T c O A c H. That's, that's it.

The people can find me that way. Send me a dm, reach out to me. I [00:59:00] always reply. And if any, any guys out there listening want more help on the coaching side of. Then I can help as well with that. So I appreciate you for, for having me and for allowing me to share my story. Oh, man, it's been great hanging out with you.

It's been great taking this journey together. I look forward to staying in touch and hearing more about your adventures, man of you and Sarah. Absolutely. Thank you so much. Oh, so ladies and gentlemen, you just heard from our friend Allie. Check out his information on social media, his website, keep up with his adventures.

Men, reach out, contact Allie. If you're feeling, you know, I have these same struggles, or, Hey, I, I want to learn more about Find that Purpose and Living Free Connect with Allie. Let's take it to the next level. And for everybody, share this podcast with your friends and family. Go back, listen to it again, and like our slogan says, don't just listen.

But do what you know you need to do. Repeat it each [01:00:00] day so you can have a great life in this world, but most importantly, an attorney to come. So I'm David Pasqualone. This was our friend, Allie West. Allie, again, thank you, brother. Thank you so much. Yes, and ladies, appreciate Oh, thank you, man. And ladies and gentlemen, we'll see you in the next episode.

C.