Steven Arms | Milestone to Manhood: A Christian Rite of Passage to Help Your Son Make the Leap from Boyhood to Manhood

“That was the moment I became a man.” – Steven Arms

Guest Bio: Steven Arms lives in Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Emily, and is the proud father of three young children. In Milestone to Manhood, Steven shares his firsthand experience of his Rite of Passage weekend and reflects on how it shaped him into the man that he is today.

SHOW NOTES: 

• Website: https://MilestoneToManhood.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/milestonetomanhood/
• X (the social media site formerly known as Twitter): https://twitter.com/Mile2Manhood

REMARKABLE LISTENER SPECIAL OFFER:

• Check out Steven’s website for access to free email templates!

CORE THEMES, KEYWORDS, & MENTIONS:

• Manhood, fatherhood, masculinity, affirmation, rite of passage, father, grandfather, uncles, 13 year old boy, thirteen year old boy, Bible, entrance ceremony, what it means to be a man, good communicator, in touch with our emotions, strong men, male role model, identity as a man, faith, belief in God, unconditional love, intentional time

For more Remarkable Episodes, Inspiration, and Motivation, please visit https://davidpasqualone.com/remarkable-people-podcast/. Enjoy!

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Transcript

Steven Arms | Milestone to Manhood: A Christian Rite of Passage to Help Your Son Make the Leap from Boyhood to Manhood

Hello, friends. Welcome to this week's episode of the Remarkable People Podcast. In this episode, we have a fantastic guest who talks about how his father and grandfather and uncles took him through a rite of passage from boyhood to manhood and what an impact that made on his life to this day and they're not only enjoying it within their own family but they're sharing with us they wrote a book and they're trying to reach as many families as they can to help boys become men in a society globally where People Call Masculinity Toxic, Where It's Not, Where People Fault Men For Being Men.

This episode is so important, so if you have a son that is Under the age of 15, this is something [00:01:00] that's directly applicable to you today. But for men like me who have sons who are 21 or 41, it's still applicable to you. How we can train to be better fathers, how our children can be raised from boys to men, and how we can do it in a godly way that gives them the confidence to know that the father above loves them.

And the father on this earth loves them. So this is a packed episode with great content and I want you to stick through it to the end for two main reasons. Number one, cause I know you're going to get gems that you will be able to apply to your life and have a better existence. But two, our guest today not only waited, I think it was eight or nine months to be on the show, but then when we recorded first time.

In four years, I ever forgot to hit the record button, or there was some [00:02:00] glitch, but the computer never recorded the episode. So this guest believes in what he's saying, and I believe in what the guest is saying, that this is all biblical based, that we went back and re recorded the entire episode, just so you can hear what you're about to hear today.

Our guest loves you, I love you, and more than anything, God loves you. And whether you're a man or a woman, check out this episode, cause the information's critical. We need to not only apply it to our lives in society, but we need to share it with society. So forward this link to all the boys you want to see become men and all the men who you want to see raise boys that become men.

So I'm David Pasqualone. And this is our remarkable guest today, Steven Arms, sharing his story and his rite of passage. Enjoy.

[00:03:00] 

[00:03:23] INTERVIEW RPP S8 E818 Steven Arms 23 Oct 2023: Hey, Stephen, how are you today? I'm doing great. David, how are you? Man, I am fantastic. And ladies and gentlemen, like we just talked about in the introduction, this is not only a fantastic episode.

This is not only an episode that every father with young boys needs to hear, and even fathers whose. Maybe sons are past the age we're going to discuss, but this is an episode that I really believe God wants you to hear. So much so that in four years of recording podcasts weekly, this is the first episode [00:04:00] we've ever recorded.

that didn't record. So Stephen is not only with you today, sharing these beautiful truths that are going to help you grow a stronger family and men for God, but he's doing it a second time. So Stephen, thank you for being here today. Absolutely, David. I'm happy to be here again. You know, I think a good man has grit.

A good man does not give up easily. And I'm happy to share this twice, so your audience can hear what I have to say. Yeah, so ladies and gentlemen, we could have cut that all out, but I want you to understand what goes on kind of behind the camera. And not only that, Stephen has waited almost, I think it was like 9 or 10 months to be on the show, and now we just had this first oops, right?

So what you're going to get... is important and it's very powerful. So, Steven, whether someone today is a first time listener or they're a serial listener and they've been with us for every episode, [00:05:00] if they stick through your episode to the end, what is the one message that you guarantee they're going to walk away with and be a better human?

The one message that I want your audience to walk away with is that fathers have the responsibility to tell their sons at the appropriate age. Son, in my eyes, I no longer consider you to be a boy, but I consider you to be a man now. And you should consider yourself to be a man too. And that if every father did that, our country, our world would be a much better place because boys would not feel the need to try to prove their manhood to themselves and to their peers.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And ladies and gentlemen, you're not just going to get this topic. There will be a lot of topics and gold nuggets dropped along the way that you can pick up and run with and apply to your life to grow and have a better existence. Stephen, at this time, let's talk about [00:06:00] How you got to this place, because many fathers never grew up with a father in the home.

Many fathers never had a good biblical model or role model to know what a man is. And a lot of guys think a man's just, I can have sex or I can drink, right? I can smoke. And that's nothing to do with manhood. So talk to us about your childhood and upbringing. What happened to bring you to this place?

Absolutely. I was born, born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area in California, and born the second of four boys. So I have three brothers and no sisters. And actually, that father that you were talking about, David, the one who grew up without a dad in the house himself, doesn't really have a male role model.

That was my dad. My dad, his parents divorced when he was five years old, his dad moved down to Mexico and then passed away when he was, my [00:07:00] dad was 17 years old. So my dad really grew up without a father figure in the house and he really wanted to be the type of dad to his sons that he never had. And so when my older brother was turning 13, he wanted to do something really special to mark his entrance into manhood.

But he didn't really know what that should look like. So he talked to his father in law, my maternal grandfather, who had kind of filled that father figure role in his life. And he said, you know, my, my oldest son is turning 13. I want to do something really special for him, but I don't know what to do. And my grandfather said to him, well, you know, in other cultures, they have these rite of passage ceremonies, right?

Why don't we come up with something like that with the Christian values of our family scattered throughout the weekend? And give your son something formal, a formal ceremony to welcome him into manhood. And that's [00:08:00] exactly what happened. They held a rite of passage event for my older brother. They felt like they had tapped into something that was powerful.

They could tell that it was really beneficial for him. And they continued to hold those weekends for all of my brothers and for my cousins as well, as we all turned 13 years, 13 years old. That's incredible. And that's something that, you know, many cultures have some form of rite of passage, but within America, especially, that's just been lost and forgotten and treated so, so flippantly, but it's so huge in a man's life and a woman's life, but separate, right?

Today, we're going to really focus on men. So talk about your 13th birthday and what that experience in that ritual and that journey to manhood was like for you. Sure. So for one, I'll say it was a complete surprise. I had no idea that it was coming. My dad told me that we were just going [00:09:00] on a camping trip one on one, me and him.

And on the drive up, he said, Hey, I need to stop at grandpa's house to pick up a tent. I said, sure, no problem. So we go to grandpa's house and we kind of walk over to the front door. My grandpa's there on the porch and he says, what are you two doing today? And I, you know, I'm a 13 year old and I say, well, I don't, we're going camping.

Just me and dad, you know, you can tell I wasn't too excited about the idea. My grandfather says, wow, that sounds like so much fun. Can I come? And here I'm thinking, you know, I'm not really looking forward to spending one on one time with dad. It'd be kind of nice to have grandpa come along because then it would get me out of this weekend.

But my dad was pretty clear that this was just going to be me and him. So I say, sure, you can come. And he, he stands up and he picks up his bag and he says, great, where should I put my bag? And I'm like, well, what do you mean? So he throws his bag in the [00:10:00] car. And I have no idea what's going on, but you know, I'm 13 years old.

You don't question question much at that age. We pull over about an hour later cause we're getting hungry. So we pull over for breakfast and the waiter sits us down and in the booth next to us is my two uncles, uncle Dan and uncle Kirk. And at that point, I'm just like deer in headlights, right? Total confusion.

And that's when my dad explained to me, you know, we're actually not going on a one on one camping trip this weekend, but I've organized a rite of passage weekend for you, and at the end of this weekend, you're going to be considered to be a man in this family, just like one of us.

And then, talk about, for the listeners, what happened on that weekend. Like, walk us through the process, because this is so beautiful and so important, yet so foreign, and, and, like, well, what did you do, [00:11:00] right? So, walk us through kind of like the, the outline of the weekend activities. Sure. So they had organized different rituals, kind of different exercises for the group to participate in.

The first ritual was an entrance ceremony. So just like a wedding has an entrance procession, a graduation ceremony has an entrance procession. Well, we had our own kind of small version of an entrance ceremony as well. And for our entrance ceremony, my dad read from scripture. He read The passage of Moses encountering God in the form of a burning bush.

There's a few reasons why that passage is appropriate for a boy's rite of passage ceremony. But one reason is that there's an element of fire. God, Moses encounters God in the form of a burning bush. Fire represents the Holy Spirit. It represents [00:12:00] God's presence. And so my dad said, once we entered the cabin, your challenge is going to be to light a fire in the wood stove.

And for the whole weekend, you have to keep that fire going. And that symbolizes one, God's presence in our lives, just as Moses encountered God in the form of a burning bush. This fire symbolizes God's presence with us during the weekend. And two, you need to keep the fire going at the whole time, showing.

The importance of keeping that flame of faith going throughout your entire life. Sometimes our faith is hotter, sometimes it's colder. But what's most important is for it to never become fully extinguished. So that was kind of the challenge that he gave me during my Rite of Passage weekend was to never let this fire become fully extinguished.

Excellent. And then as you're there this weekend, what were some of the other things you did? And we can talk about, you know, was it completely structured? Was there free [00:13:00] time? Was it just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom? These are all like steps nonstop morning to night. Like, what was it like? Cause some people have no frame of reference.

Yeah. Don't get me wrong. There were lots of downtime. You know, moments of, we're just sitting around a campfire you know, cooking, cleaning together as a group. It was not all, you know, super formal rituals, but there were rituals built into the weekend to give it structure, right? Because you put five guys in a cabin for a weekend at Lake Shasta, and there's this tendency to just go fishing the whole time, right?

It's harder to talk about the deeper things in life. Talk about. What it means to be a man or some of the struggles that men face or to talk about God, talk about your personal faith beliefs, those are hard things to talk about. And that's why it's important to have kind of rituals for the group to go to to avoid this.

possible tendency to stay at the trivial level, [00:14:00] but to talk about the deeper things in life as well. And then while you were there, you had your uncles with you, your grandfather, your father. During the times that you were together, what were some of the things that they had prepared that they brought to this weekend?

So one was, we sat down and had a conversation about What it means to be a man. And this was really an opportunity for each man on the weekend to share with the boy, maybe 10 or 15 minutes of. What it means to be a man, what it really means to be a man, right? Because certainly nowadays, boys are getting one message from the culture at large, from the internet, from television, from school, they're getting one version of what it means to be a man, but this was an opportunity for the male mentors of the family to share.

To say, you know what, that's not really what it means to be a man. [00:15:00] This is what it means to be a man. And some of the advice that was given to me was a man respects the dignity of woman at all times, which includes not looking at pornography. A boy is someone who uses women as objects for their lust.

Well, that's boy type behavior, but man type behavior respects the dignity of women at all times. Other advice that was given to me was. A man is called to be a provider and a protector. We're built to be strong, but at the same time, we have to be in touch with our emotions and good communicators. If a man enters into a marriage and is not a good communicator, that marriage is not going to go well.

So as men, we have to have balance. We have to be both strong and capable, but we also have to be in touch with our emotions. It's not all about being super macho. And then other [00:16:00] advice that was given to me was a man is honest at all times, even when it's not convenient for him personally, a man is honest, not only with others, but he's honest with himself as well.

Yeah, that's all. Not only great advice, and you'd like to think it's common sense, but it's not in our society anymore. People, you know, they're like, lie, steal, cheat, do what it takes to get ahead. You're smart, you know, it's no, you're not smart. You're immoral. So that's awesome. You had a family who did that.

When you're going through this rite of passage, You're 13 years old. It's happening. Was this something you immediately recognized? Like, wow, this is special. Or, you know, you're a 13 year old boy and it's something that you look back afterwards like, oh, wow, that was really special. And it impacted my life.

I would say, you know, I could tell as a 13 year old boy, I could tell that the grown men of the group [00:17:00] had all taken time out of their busy lives to do this for me. I knew that they were all making sacrifices. One of my uncles... live down in Los Angeles, which is about an eight hour drive to San Francisco.

So I knew that his presence alone meant that, you know, that I don't see him very often. That's a big deal that he's up here doing this for me. That being said. I didn't know that this rite of passage event was, is so rare that it's so remarkable. I thought growing up, I really thought that everybody had something like this growing up because the truth is, is that everybody in my family did have something like this growing up.

My brothers all had a rite of passage weekend. My cousins had them, both male and female cousins had a rite of passage weekend. Where they were initiated into manhood or into womanhood. So it wasn't until I got into my twenties that I realized. Oh, I didn't even know that some men [00:18:00] questioned their identity as a man, because that's just not something that I can relate to.

When I was 13 years old, it was super clear to me that I was considered to be a boy. I was considered to be a man in the family. Yeah. And now, You're 13, you go on this Rite of Passage weekend, there's people surrounding you that love you, and you're getting this foundation that whether it's conscious or subconscious, being built, the strength is being built in you that I am a man, my father loves me, he trusts me, he's proud of me.

When you are Looking back as Steven today, and as someone who obviously you've continued this journey, and you've written a book with your father, which we're going to talk about, and you're helping men to go on this path. What are some of the core [00:19:00] elements that you're like, you know, maybe it's not camping or maybe it is camping, but it's, it's, you know, not all the rituals have to be the same, but what are the core foundational steps of this rite of passage that make it important to last a lifetime?

Yeah, I think the core elements of the rite of passage weekend is For one, it occurs on or around a boy's 13th birthday. 13 is kind of that sweet spot where the boy is old enough to understand the advice that you're going to give him, but he's also young enough to still be open to receiving advice from, from men in his life, you know, by the time a boy is 18 years old or 20 years old, he pretty much thinks he knows everything at that point and doesn't really want to listen to.

Older, older adults, that age of 13, 14, 15 years old, he's still, he still [00:20:00] understands what's going on, but he's open to advice from other men. Another reason why 13 is kind of the ideal age is because. He's becoming a teenager, so it's already a milestone birthday in his mind. When we look at other rites of passages from around the world, we see that they all occur kind of right around that 12, 13, 14 years old.

You know, the most famous example probably being the Jewish Bar Mitzvah, which occurs when? When a boy is 13. So 13 years old is kind of the sweet spot. That being said, if you have a son who's 14, 15, 16 years old, I don't think it's too late. But I will say that by the time a boy is 18 or 21 years old, I would not recommend holding a rite of passage for him because at that age, it could come off as a little bit condescending.

You know, when by the time a boy is 18 years old, he probably already considers himself to [00:21:00] be a man to some degree. So for a dad to walk in and say, Hey, I just want to let you know, now I consider you to be a man. He's probably going to feel like, well, geez, thanks dad. I'm glad you think that now, you know, where were you five years ago?

So I, I think that there's a window of opportunity to hold this rite of passage weekend and that window of opportunity is between 12 and 16 years old. Another element that's kind of key to the weekend is getting other men involved. So absolutely, fathers are the most important male role models in a boy's life.

He is what you are, what he's looking up to every day to see what does it mean to be a man? He's looking at his dad. That being said, at 13 years old, there's also this tension that starts to develop between father and son. The son wants to be more independent. He wants to spread his wings, so he doesn't always listen to what dad has to say.

But by getting other men involved in the [00:22:00] weekend, it helps to break through to the boy in a way that he might actually listen. It might be some piece of advice that you've been telling your son for the last two years. You need to make your, you need to make your bed every morning, but the boy doesn't listen because your dad, right?

Getting other men involved, they might say the same exact thing. And it's like a light bulb goes off in your son's head, right? Oh yeah, I should try that sometime because getting other men involved, your son might connect with them in a way that you are not connecting with him. So that's the importance of getting other men involved.

It helps to break through to the boy. Yeah, it takes a village to raise a child. I mean, how many times do we say so in 50 times to our children and they don't even listen, but then somebody else says it once almost a stranger and they're like, really? You know, it's like it just clicks in their brain.

Right? So for the fathers like me, I love my son. I do anything for him. I think the [00:23:00] world of them. But I never even thought to have a rite of passage ceremony. What advice do you have to fathers who truly love their sons, but the time has passed? You know, my son's 21 now. Other people listening, their sons might be 40.

What advice do you have for them, for their sons? Absolutely. Well, first I would say don't, don't beat yourself up. I mean, most dads don't hear about this, so it's not that you did anything wrong. A lot of dads just don't know about this because our culture doesn't have a meaningful rite of passage ceremony anymore.

So it's not your fault. That being said, every son, regardless of his age, if he's 13, if he's 21, if he's 40, every son wants to hear from his dad, those words, son, I am so proud of the man that you've become. So I would say if you have an older son, that window of opportunity to hold a rite of passage has come and gone, tell him those words, tell him how much you [00:24:00] love him, tell much, tell him how much you mean to him and tell him how proud of the man that he's become.

One of the rituals that makes up our rite of passage weekend is. All of the adults in the family write a letter to the boy, something that he can hold on to for the rest of his life. So I would say that's something that you can do for your son at any age is write him a letter telling him how much he, he means to you and how proud you are of him.

Something that he can hold on to for the rest of his life. I guarantee you that that's something that will have a big impact on him and something that he can cherish as time goes on. Now, what about an age to give that to him? Because There's an age where kids are like, Oh, this is nice. Thanks dad. And then they like, okay, now what do I do?

They throw it away in their youth and their ignorance. But if they had that same set of letters when they're 25, they'd be like, Oh wow, this is, this is special. This makes me [00:25:00] feel powerful and loved and engaged. You know what I mean? So is there almost like a blackout zone where if you give it to your kids, it's like casting pearls to the swine, like wait, either do it early or late, but not in between.

You know, every kid is different, so I don't think you can put a number on that question. If your son is like that, where, you know, you're kind of in the blackout zone, I would still write him a letter. Still give him that love, right? In fact, it might be more important that he gets it when he's being rebellious, that he receives that love when he's being rebellious.

But when you give it to him, I would say, give I know you might not value this right now. Please do me one thing and don't throw this away. Please just hold on to it and put it in the, in the back of your closet somewhere. Because I guarantee you that one day as he gets older, as he gets more mature himself, he will come to appreciate what you've done for him.

Absolutely. [00:26:00] Yeah. So let's do this from your birth to today. In this second recording of your story, is there anything we missed even that you want to talk about before we transition to where you are today and where you're heading and how our audience can get a hold of you? I think we should touch on how the rite of passage impacted my life and really the rite of passage affected me in two ways.

For one, I never questioned my status as a man growing up. You know, logically, as a 13 year old boy... I, I saw these men who took me on my weekend, and I never questioned this, the, the fact that they were, in fact, men they were bigger than me. They were stronger than me, older than me. They were all married.

They all had kids. There was no doubt in my mind that these were men. Right? There was also no doubt in my mind that they had taken a whole weekend to tell [00:27:00] me. You are now a man too. So logically I can, I never questioned my own status as a man. Other men told me I was a man. Therefore I considered myself to be a man.

And when I was a teenager, you know. It's not that I had huge biceps or I could grow a beard on my face like I can now, but I never questioned my identity as a man, as a teenager. And what I mean by that is I remember one time, you know, being in Boy Scouts, probably about 15 years old, running around in circles with a bunch of other rowdy boys at Boy Scouts.

And one of the adults saying something along the lines of, boys, boys, settle down. And immediately the first thought in my mind was, I'm not a boy. I'm a man because my dad, my grandfather and my uncles have all told me that I'm a man in this family. It's not that this person did anything malicious. They just don't know our family tradition.[00:28:00] 

So that's the first way that I think the rite of passage impacted my life is that I never questioned my status as a man. The second way that it really impacted my life is that, you know, in college. Listen. I started to meet people who were raised very differently than me, had very different beliefs than I did growing up.

And it really made me start to question things. I started to question my own belief in God and my own faith. And I was nervous to go back to my mom and dad and tell them You know, mom and dad, I'm not sure if I believe in God anymore because I didn't want to disappoint them and the way that they raised me.

But ultimately, I, as a 21 year old going through this in college, I remembered back to my 13 year old rite of passage weekend and how all these men in my life had told me, now that you're a part of a tribe of men, you can come to talk to us about anything. [00:29:00] We love you unconditionally. We have your best interests at heart and chances are whatever you're going through, we've probably already been through it ourselves before.

So if you ever come into kind of a rough patch in life, please come to us for advice. And those were the words that I remembered as a 21 year old college student. And that gave me the confidence to go back to my dad and go back to my grandfather and say. I'm not sure if I believe in God anymore. Why do you believe in God?

And, you know, they weren't able to answer every single one of my questions, but they were able to make me think in ways that I never thought about before. Kind of changed my perspective on my questions and, you know, so hindsight is 20, 20, but I would say there's a good chance that if it wasn't for this rite of passage weekend, that I might not be a practicing Christian today.

Yeah, and that talks about that in the Bible, Old Testament [00:30:00] and New, you know, imparting our faith to the younger generations and how we're, you know, friends and family, iron sharpeneth iron. So the man accountants of his friend and how we're there to encourage and teach and admonish one another and to be discipled, you know, we should always be discipling and we should always be growing and being discipled.

We talked about this off camera. What about boys? And they don't have a father and you know them and you have a close relationship with them and you're in their community or in their life or maybe they're your son's good friend. What do you think about including them in this type of celebration and rite of passage if they don't have a father in the home?

Yeah, boys who don't have a father in the home, It's kind of, it's really a catch 22 because those are the boys who would benefit the most from having a weekend [00:31:00] like this. They would benefit the most from hearing from another male mentor. I no longer consider you to be a boy and you shouldn't consider yourself to be a boy anymore.

You are officially a man. Those are the kinds of boys who would benefit the most from having something like this. But they're also the kids who don't have a father in the house. So they're likely not going to get something like this. So, that being said, I think if you find yourself in the position of that father figure, maybe you don't necessarily live with the boy, but you have a close relationship with him, I would say talk to his parents, get their permission, of course, but I would encourage you, yes, hold a rite of passage for him, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a full blown weekend where you take him out camping.

It could just be, you know, an evening event. where you give him a letter and maybe a family heirloom and have a deep conversation with him. It doesn't have to be [00:32:00] a huge deal, but I would say that, you know, those are the boys that would benefit the most from having a weekend like this. So I would encourage father figures to do something for boys who don't have dads in the house as well.

Yeah. So now. You become a man. Were there other things in the home that changed after 13? So you have this ceremony. Your family now declares you're a man. Were there other things that they changed in your daily routine or behavior or responsibilities? Or is everything pretty much the same? Yeah. You know, it's like raising any other teenager, right?

Increased privileges, but at the same time, increased responsibilities. At the age of 13, I was physically, you know, finally large enough to push the lawnmower around. So. Mowing the lawn became one of my chores. And of course, you know, I'm still a 13 year old. So I'm telling dad, I don't, why do I have to do this?

I don't want to do this, you know, [00:33:00] complaining. My dad was able to phrase it in a way. And he said, well, now that you're a man. One day, you're going to have a wife and kids and a house yourself, and there's not going to be anyone there to mow the lawn for you. So it's actually important that you learn how to do this now that you're a 13 year old so that you're not learning how to do it when you're in your 20s or in your 30s.

So he was able to frame those kind of increased responsibilities with that conversation of this is actually beneficial for you as you're becoming a man yourself. Another really cool thing that my family did is, you know, I come from a large extended family I have a lot of aunts and uncles and cousins.

So, whenever we gather together for the holidays, for Easter or Christmas, there's always two tables. There's the adults table and the kids table. And when a boy or a girl turns 13 and has their rite of passage weekend, well, they officially [00:34:00] kind of graduate from the kids table and they sit with the adults at the adults table.

So that was one really cool way that very tangible way that they made it clear, you know, you're no longer a boy, you sit with the adults now that you've had your weekend.

And then now you're growing, you talked about earlier how, you know, that rite of passage was so impactful and the unconditional love you were shown, because now you're questioning your relationship with your Heavenly Father and is there a God and what do I believe and why? So from that point to where you are today, what else happened in your life?

I would say the next big thing is being 25 years old met my wife, we actually first met online. So we started our relationship long distance. As I said, I was born and raised in California spent my whole life there. My wife is from [00:35:00] Oregon, so we dated for about nine months, long distance. I realized, you know, this is someone who we share a lot of the same values.

She's beautiful. She's smart. I would probably marry her if she's willing to marry me. We should probably date whatever the opposite of long distances. Short distance. We should probably date short distance in the same town before we make a lifelong commitment. So I took the leap and moved from my home state of California, moved up here to Oregon and one of the best decisions of my life.

We were married in 2018 and then we welcomed our first. child in 2019, and now we have three beautiful kids together. And I, I couldn't be a more blessed man because of my marriage and my children. [00:36:00] Amen. Amen. Now, where are you today and where are you heading? So, we talked about your past, we're bringing you up to the present, and we're transferring to the future, but what, what's going on?

Talk about the book that you and your dad wrote, where you are today, and what's going on in your life right now? Sure. So, In 2020, we held the last Rite of Passage weekend for my youngest cousin. We always wanted to keep these weekends a secret so that the boy or the girl would be surprised on their weekend.

Now that kind of the youngest of that generation had his Rite of Passage, we thought, you know, the next chapter of this is to share this with the rest of the world. Every time we've ever told a dad or someone outside the family about this kind of special weekend, they always... Thought it was so cool and wish that, you know, they had done something like this for their kids too.

So we decided, you know, the next step is to write a book about [00:37:00] the rite of passage tradition, how it's impacted our family and. Give other fathers a how to guide for how to organize a rite of passage for their own sons. So my dad and I wrote a book about this. It's called Milestone to Manhood. What's really cool about it is that you get both the father and the son's perspective because I co wrote it with my dad.

So you can get a copy of the book on our website, which is milestone to manhood. com.

And when they go there, they can reach out to you, I take it, continue the conversation and connect with you if they have questions? Absolutely, yes. That's probably the best way to get in contact with us is our website. And actually, as a freebie for your listeners, we have these email templates on our website, which explain what a rite of passage is, why you want to hold one for your son, and exactly what the weekend looks [00:38:00] like.

We realized, you know, for a lot of dads out there, It's hard just to explain what all this is and what you want to do. So we've given you the words that you need to organize a rite of passage weekend. We don't ask for your email address. We don't charge money for these. You literally just go to our website, copy the text, paste it in a body of email, identify three or five other men who you want to invite on your son's rite of passage weekend and hit send.

We've tried to make it as easy as possible for dads to organize a rite of passage weekend for their sons. Beautiful. And this book, it kind of goes through your story and then it also gives a step by step, Hey, this is a great way to organize a rite of passage ceremony for your son. Correct? Exactly. Yeah.

My background is in engineering, so I'm much more comfortable writing an instruction guide than I am writing a memoir. So the whole second part of the book is. Literally a [00:39:00] stepping stone, a guide to help dads organize rites of passage for their sons. Beautiful. Thank you, Steven. So from your birth to today, is there anything we missed in your story or is there any final thoughts you want to, or both, and is there anything, first off, is there anything we missed in your story?

And then we'll transition. Is there any final thoughts you want to leave with our audience today? I don't think there's anything that we missed. I would say... The, the final thought that I'll leave you with is the same thought that I started with, and that's that every father has the responsibility to bestow the title of man on his son, and that when fathers do that, then boys do not feel the need to prove their manhood to themselves.

And when boys try to prove their manhood to themselves, what that ends up looking like is the sexual conquest of women, violence, extreme, [00:40:00] extreme stunts, like jumping off bridges. Or video game addictions when boys, but when fathers. Initiate their sons into manhood in a healthy way, then boys don't feel the need to try to prove their manhood to themselves and to their peers.

And that's why holding a rite of passage event is so important. I think that's a very powerful final statement. And ladies and gentlemen, rewind that and listen to it again. Men, if you are blessed to still have a son in the home, that's, you know, under 13. Man, get Stephen's book, do your research, prayer, make up your own weekend, how God leads you to, and do this.

For those of us who have sons over 20 over 13, you know, 21, 41, whatever it is, again, just tell them how much you love them and how proud of them you are. And [00:41:00] for moms who's like, man, my kid doesn't have a dad. You know, hopefully you can find a good church that preaches the Bible and has godly men and in that church, they have men who are willing to disciple and spend time with your son.

Not weird stuff, not pedophilia, not bring him in the woods just to do nasty stuff, God forbid, but stuff to grow and to raise and maybe your son and their son, you know, they're friends and you can do these things together. So, Steven, man, I really appreciate you being here today. Not only the wait to be on the show, but re recording an episode first and hopefully the last time it's ever happened in four years, man.

Thank you for being such a gentleman. Absolutely. It's been an honor to be on your show, David. Oh yeah, dude. Thank you. It's been an honor to have you. I've learned a ton. It's been super inspiring. I wish I knew this, you know 15 years ago myself. You know, just to help, I want to do everything I can to be the best dad for my son who I love, but hopefully I can at least impart this [00:42:00] now with my son and our listeners can impart this knowledge now with their sons and then it's second nature to our children's children, right?

So, if someone did want to get a hold of you, we're going to put a link to your book, link in the show notes to your website. So whether somebody's listening on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, Rumble on our website, they can just click a button and reach out to you, but what's the best way for them to communicate with you directly?

Is it through the website? Is there an email? How do you recommend? Yeah, just go to our website. There's a contact page there milestone to manhood. com. Same title as the book milestone to manhood. Beautiful. Well, ladies and gentlemen, like our slogan says, don't just listen to great content, do it, repeat those steps each day.

So you can have a great life in this world. And most importantly to turn you to come. So I'm David Pasqualone. This was our remarkable friend, Stephen Arms and Stephen, thank you again for being here with us. [00:43:00] Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we love you. Go. Do. Trust God. Follow Him. Let Steve and I know how we can help you.

And we'll see you in the next episode.